Note: This post has been edited.

Another week, another story of everyday sexism. My sister (a different one — she’s 17 and doing dual enrollment at the local community college to finish up her last year of high school via homeschooling and will start college on the east coast this coming fall) was supposed to go to prom this past weekend, but everything went terribly wrong. When I saw her Facebook status about it (which used the particularly perfect phrase “rape culture activists”), I asked if she wanted to share her story with you here, and she took a little time this evening to write up this fantastic post for you all. This story is actually pretty common — things like this happened a lot in the homeschool ballroom dance + grassroots theater circles in Richmond. But I’ll let her speak for herself. I’m so proud of her.

***

So, I’m a high school senior, a homeschooler, and a girl, and something really awful happened to me last night, and it made me really mad. Not so much because it was something that did permanent damage to me, but because it is something I have seen happen over, and over and over to people I love and care for very much, and on what better day then mother’s day could I make a stand for the mothers, and the sisters, and the daughters and the friends who have been victims of this painful, traumatizing evil. So here is my story.

Last night was my senior prom. I live in Richmond, VA and several weeks ago my boyfriend got our tickets to the Richmond Homeschool Prom. The theme was “Twilight in Paris.” I got my dress, my shoes, we got our flowers and we waited eagerly for Saturday to arrive. My dress was gorgeous, silver, and sparkly and I got it at Macy’s and was very excited to find it after searching over 6 stores for this dress. The only dress code specified on the registration form was that “Ladies, please keep your dresses fingertip length or longer.” Like a good little homeschooler, I made sure that the dress was fingertip length on me; I even tried it on with my shoes, just to be sure. It was fingertip length, I was ecstatic, and I laid down several weeks worth of tip money I had been saving up to buy it.

the dress

the dress

Fast forward to prom night. I’m all dolled up, channeling my inner Marilyn Monroe with my blonde hair and bright red lipstick. I’m a tall and fairly curvy girl and you know something? I looked hot. Not trashy, but you definitely would look twice when I walked through a doorway.IMG_20140510_185847

IMG_20140510_190019

And you know what happened? I got kicked out of prom because of it. Stay with me, I’ll explain. I showed up at prom with my boyfriend, and I was wearing the really cute silver dress that was fingertip length on me, and on my way in Mrs. D (one of the two ladies organizing the prom this year) stopped me and said, “honey, that dress is too short.” I said, “what is the rule?” she said, “fingertip length” and I put my arms down by my sides and showed her that it was fingertip length. After which she made a face at me and was like, “well make sure it stays pulled down, it’s too short.” I want you to know that she is a very short woman, and I assumed that she probably just didn’t understand that when you’re 5’9″ and leggy, everything looks shorter on you then it would on anyone else, even if it’s still inside the dress code. So, I tried to help her understand by saying, “I just have long legs, everything looks short on me, but it is fingertip length I just showed you.” To which she responded begrudgingly “Okay but you need to be careful and just keep pulling it down, but not too far!” I was annoyed with her pettiness, especially because I had so carefully complied to their rules, but I said “Yes ma’am,” and went into the ballroom.

When I got into the ballroom I laughed, because I was surrounded by girls in much shorter dresses then me, albeit they were shorter, and therefore stood out less in the crowd, but it was still frustrating. I joined my group of friends, (there were six of us), and told them what happened, they were all appalled, especially considering we’ve been attending this prom all four years of high school and usually wore much shorter dresses then we chose this year. We were also a little grossed out by all the dads on the balcony above the dance floor, ogling and talking amongst themselves. We weren’t dancing, but swaying with the music and talking and enjoying ourselves, when Mrs. D again approached me, and gestured me off the dance floor. She took me into a corner in the hall way, with another woman, (who I’m assuming was a parent/chaperone) and told me that some of the dads who were chaperoning had complained that my dancing was too provocative, and that I was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts. At this point I said to her that I hadn’t been dancing at all! Much less seductively, and that even if I had been being inappropriate, they should issue a warning instead of just kicking me out.

Then she proceeded to reiterate that my dress was too short and I that I was going to have to leave. I again showed her and the lady with her that the dress met dress code standards, the only thing the dress code said was it had to be fingertip length, and they never had us sign any sort of agreement to abide by that rule in the first place, and second of all my dress was in compliance with the one rule. Mrs. D said again “The dress is too short” and I asked the chaperone standing next to her what the rule was and she reiterated that it had to be fingertip length, I showed her my fingers and said ” Is this fingertip length?” and she said “yes, but I can’t make that call it’s on Mrs. D.” Then I told them I was trying to understand what they were kicking me out for since my dress complied with dress code and everyone I had been standing with would vouch that I hadn’t been dancing inappropriately. (At this point one of the girls in my group came back and said that she’d been by my side the whole 15 minutes we’d been there and I hadn’t even danced more then 2 seconds and it was completely appropriate.)

At which point they told her that she wasn’t welcome in the conversation and when I protested and asked that she be able to stay to verify what they were saying to me they got very rude and said if she didn’t leave they would kick her out too. Then she went and told my date what was going on and he got very upset , and came over and was respectfully asking them to explain to him the situation, and they told him that it was none of his business and they were kicking me out and he needed to leave. At which point he said “That’s fine, she wasn’t doing anything wrong but if you’re kicking her out then the group that she came with is leaving too and you’ll need to refund all of our tickets.” And Mrs. D said “No, we will refund Clare’s ticket but nobody else’s” And then my date got very angry (but was still being respectful not raising his voice or anything). And he explained that we all drove together and if I had to leave everyone else would be forced to leave with me and therefore they needed to refund everyone. I want to reiterate that my date was being very respectful, but he was also obviously frustrated with her for refusing to communicate with us in a mature or respectful way. Then she got very rude, repeatedly saying “I will not debate with you about this,” when my date was simply asking questions to help him understand the situation, and Mrs. D sent the chaperone to get security at which point both my date and I respectfully demanded to speak with the lady in charge of prom, and Mrs. D refused to let us.

Security came and my group went to get their stuff, I was crying and I asked the security guy if my dress was compliant with the dress code and if he had noticed any inappropriateness in my behavior and he said he didn’t think I did anything to get kicked out but it wasn’t his call. He helped me get my stuff and walked me to the front door, my date was still talking to Mrs. D and demanding our groups refund. She said, “Ok, I’ll give you all your refund if you go to the front and leave now,” and so the group walked to the front where I was, and only I was given my refund ($25). The group I was with got very upset because they had been promised their refund since we had all come together and if I was leaving they had to leave too, at which point we were told that the leadership would converse and make sure we all got our refunds, later that night when one of the girls in our groups mom called and asked how they were going to refund her, they stated “We aren’t going to do refunds.”

When we walked out of the prom, frustrated and angry and feeling very disrespected and violated, some of the people in my group shouted profanities at the security guards, and I personally flipped them off. I putting this part in the story because I want everyone who reads this to know that we shouldn’t have reacted so immaturely to their unfair and disrespectful actions, and we’re all adult enough to admit that. But what I want to know is if the people involved in this situation at the Richmond Homeschool Prom are adult enough to own up to their wrong actions as well. And refund my group as they verbally promised to do, and issue an apology for kicking me out of my senior prom because their husbands felt as though my body was something they had a right to control.

What happened last night was so wrong for so many different reasons:

  • I was told that the way I dressed and moved my body was causing men to think inappropriately about me, implying that it is my responsibility to control other people’s thoughts and drives.
  • I was talked to disrespectfully, ganged up on and treated as less then a person by people in authority, and when I requested to have one of my peers present to validate later what was said in this “meeting” I was denied that right and my friends were threatened for sticking up for me.
  • We were verbally promised a full refund for our group, we received only a refund for my ticket, they need to refund 5 more tickets for our group.
  • I felt violated by the sheer number of male parents that were assigned to do nothing for five hours other then watch girls in short dresses and heels dance to upbeat music. I think that it is sick and wrong that they assigned them to sit on a balcony above us and look down on us and single us out for our clothes or dancing.
  • I never signed any documentation agreeing to adhere to any sort of dress code, and the dress code that was verbally communicated to me was followed to the letter, and yet I was still kicked out.
  • I was informed by more then one friend who stayed at the prom throughout the course of the evening that there was some truly dirty dancing, and that there were several couples making out and grinding on the dance floor, and yet out of a group of 500 people, only one person, (me) got thrown out for inappropriate dancing.

The whole situation made me feel violated, walked over and ostracized. My group of five people had to leave the prom because I stuck out, I have long legs and I was wearing a sparkly dress, I didn’t look like most of the 13-15 year old girls there, I looked like a woman. And [redacted] it, I am so tired of people who abuse their power to make women feel violated and ashamed because she has an ass, or has breasts, or has long legs.

This is a message to the women who understand that sometimes, it doesn’t [redacted] matter how much you pin a dress, you’re still going to have cleavage show when you bend over. This is a message to girls built like me, who can’t find jeans that fit because your ass is just too [redacted] big! The girls with long legs, who are forced to prove that their dresses fit the dress code, just because they have more leg showing then most girls.

This is what I want to say. You are beautiful, no matter how you are built, no matter how you chose to dress or dance or what words you chose to say in the heat of the moment. And even more important then knowing that the fact that your looks, and your body and how you dress doesn’t get to define whether or not you’re beautiful, you have to know, that people are responsible for their own thoughts, desires and actions, and it doesn’t matter if you’re just swaying along with music, or if you’re grinding up on your date, or not even dancing. You are a person, with a soul, and with potential and with purpose, and the way that other people treat you, should never be based on how you dance, or dress or talk. You are a person, I am a person, is it really too much to ask that we be treated like people? Talked to as equals? As responsible adults who get to have opinions and likes and dislikes too? How is it that what I look like and how I dress constitutes the level of respect you give me? How is it that you refused to refund me when I asked for it, but when my male date asked for it, you agreed to refund my ticket to him? I’m only 17, but I can see there’s something wrong about this, please, please tell me I’m not the only one who think it doesn’t matter how people are dressed or how they move their bodies, we should still treat them with respect and decency. And enough with the slut shaming. Please. [Redacted] I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on and a big ass for a teenager. And if you think I am, then maybe you’re part of the problem.

Clare is doing well and is supported by a good group of friends. She will respond to comments as she can, but this week is her finals week and she may not be readily available.


  • http://kateschell.wordpress.com/ Kate Schell

    It is particularly infuriating when women are the ones enforcing harmful and inconsistent standards on other women. Clare, I hope you and your boyfriend and friends have a chance to get dressed up again and do something better than Patriarchy Prom.

    • Ed Selby

      ^^^This!!

    • Windoze 8

      Oh my god…”patriarchy prom” hHAHAHAHAHA. Go back to Tumblr you moron.

      • digitaldebris

        What’s your problem?

        • elpinche

          He’s a troll. That’s its problem.

      • Logcabinlv

        LOL Typical. When people like you have nothing intelligent or particularly pertinent to say in response to someone else’s post, you debase the conversation with name calling or insults. I think we all know who the real moron is. “Patriarchy Prom” is not only accurate to the story, but witty and pithy as well. Nice job Kate. :-)

    • Mila

      I saw this story on Gawker and I was ANGRY because a relative who told me they like my graduation dress that hits just above the knee, told me I looked like a slut and not to wear it anymore after I sat down and it rose to reveal my MID-THIGH.

      They didn’t show your face but the fingertip test pic you took but I clicked on the link and after seeing you and your boyfriend, I knew exactly what the REAL problem was!

      I’m a black girl and I would give you MY view. I really don’t think it was because they were ogling at you in that dress….you are pretty but nothing to ogle over. I think it was because your date is BLACK and they felt very uncomfortable watching you grinding on him…sad but TRUE. You are a very tall blonde white girl with a short (but appropriate) dress dancing on a black guy. They noticed! I doubt they would have kicked you out if your date were a white guy or better yet if YOU were a black girl. This is waaay worst and you AND your boyfriend deserve and apology!

      • Cruffler

        I confess I had the same reaction. I don’t think this was just about sexism (although it was definitely about that, too).

        • Sadie

          Except she wasn’t grinding. (Except in the dirty old men’;s minds).

      • Claire Nollet

        This old white lady had the exact same thought, Mila.

      • Anna Louise

        I thought the exact same thing. I lived in Richmond and somethings apparently don’t change. Your post is great and well written. Keep up the good work :)

      • shaking my head at you

        Mila maybe dont make everything about race. You seriously are part of the problem if youre going to go there.

        • Claire

          I think telling a black woman she’s responsible for racism is hum… A BIG part of the problem!

          • Tom Howard

            Well, thinking someone is racist based on the color of their skin (which none of dad’s skin color was revealed) is exactly what racism is. Racism is stereotyping someone based on the color of their skin….

            Anyone ever think this other lady and Mrs. D maybe used the dad’s as scape goats because Mrs. D didn’t like her dress and thought it was too short, and the dad’s were the ones on the dance floor/balcony, they would be the people to report “dirty dancing” so to try to use that excuse to kick you out they would need to say the dad’s said.

            Not saying it isn’t possible, it certainly is, that the dad’s said that. However it is also highly probable the “mom” or whoever the other lady was, didn’t like your dress, and they used the chaperone’s who happened to be male as scape goats.

          • Matthew St-Germain

            Unfortunately, you are not correct. Isms denote a power imbalance. Those in the out-group, in this case, African American women, cannot be racist because they are not part of the power structure. They can be prejudiced, but they cannot be racist as the outgroup.

          • Tom Howard

            Thank you Mr. Dictionary..Definition of Racism…

            rac·ism [rey-siz-uhm] Show IPA
            noun
            1.
            a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural orindividual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right torule others.
            2.
            a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
            3.
            hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

          • Jay Pabarue

            the f*** are you even trying to type in the last paragraph? i guess i cant come at you with the typical, “you have no understanding of what it’s like to feel disadvantaged or secondary when entering nearly every situation” because…you don’t know how to spell, space, nor use a computer. GET AT ME INTOLERANT MAHHHS.

          • Lydia Madden

            I just want to let you know, you’re a moron.

          • CoolHairLuke

            Ehhh…wrong, politically indoctrinated tool. That is a liberal academic excuse to allow minorities to be racists. Racism has NOTHING to do with being in a majority. ANYONE can be a racist in ANY situation. In this case, racism is a suspicious but unproven suspect… nothing more. Seriously…you should be ashamed of your gullibility to academic politically correct dogmatic redefinitions.

          • http://www.davidstreever.com/ David Streever

            Wait, I’m sorry, the definition of a ‘racist’ is one who speculates about possible racism in our society?

            That is funny, because there is so much actual discrimination against black people in our society, that it seems weird that we can’t speculate about racism.

            I mean, really, someone speculating that racism may have played a part here–what do you stop when you call that ‘racist’? You stop people talking about racism.

            Preventing or attacking people who speculate about racism puts you in a pretty bad spot on the moral high ground. Calling them a racist just makes you look stupid. There is nothing inherently racist in speculating about racism or identifying it when you see it.

            I’ll leave you with the dictionary definition of racism.

            ‘the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

            prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.’

          • Susan Koller Coleman

            Thank-you, Matthew!

          • Jay Pabarue

            “thinking someone is racist based on the color of their skin….is exactly what racism is”

            read a book, or an article, or anything that doesn’t constantly confirm your own views, dawg.

          • Jay Pabarue

            and ya, fer sure. women mostly victimize men!

            o….wait…that’s the situation in almost um…no cases.

            but let’s keep pitching one gender vs. the other, like you want! that’s the best way to perpetuate a divisive, rape-admitting culture. Sounds good!!!!

          • Claire

            No Tom, I’m sorry but it’s not. And racism is not only based on skin color, this, my friend, is a very USA-centered vision of racism. Thinking all white people are racist is a prejudice, but it’s not racism.

          • http://www.davidstreever.com/ David Streever

            What, what?

            No, racism isn’t just making an assumption; sorry, I hate it when I see that terrible use of English.

            From the dictionary.

            ‘the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
            - prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.’

            Considering that study after study show a strong implicit/subconscious racism, even in very tolerant people (see the new study by Dovidio/Kawakami in January, published in Science), then it IS NOT a leap to assume that people at a prom were racist.

            Black people suggesting that racism may have been a factor is not IN ANY WAY racist; it doesn’t even meet the dictionary definition, and, based on dozens of research papers, they are probably right.

            I think of myself as a very tolerant person (for a white person), but trust me, I don’t kid myself on the racist thoughts that I still hold, without meaning to at all. The only thing that I and any other white person can do is listen up when black people tell us we’re being racist, and try to learn. I’ve found they are correct 100% of the time.

          • unefaux

            Ugh. As a minority, your post makes me want to throw up. People like you are a huge reason racism still exists today.

          • Claire

            Why?

          • Lydia Madden

            uhh nope pretty sure you’re comment right here is a BIG part of the problem.

          • Hammy88

            If you only look for racism, that’s all you will find.

          • Claire

            Hammy, if I look for racism, and that I find racism, it’s still a problem. Even if it’s just part of it.

          • michelle

            Clair that’s is just stupid! So Black people are not responsible for racism as well as other races? Some of the comments on this page make me want to puke! I almost feel sorry for people like you who are just so dumb!

          • Claire

            Well thanks for you concern!
            But before calling me dumb, I think you should try to study the USA’s history, you know, slavery, segregation, lynching…

          • Miranda Carie Cunningham

            Pick up a dictionary. This is what is wrong with our country. People like you want to make up definitions to suit what you want. The truth is that the others were right. by saying whites are raciest you are indeed being raciest by the dictionary definition. oh! and the USA was only one of many places that had slavery and segregation. and they lynched far more than just blacks. our school systems teach a horribly skewed version of our world history and they do it because it promotes segregation. In highschool they introduced a black history class in our school. I dont believe they should teach about slavery without a bit about all the other slavery throughout history around the world. Because they teach it like it only ever happened to blacks in america. We never had so many hateful black raciest kids in our school until that class started. Suddenly it was “you white mother fuckers need to go back to england” I was just walking to class. and I cant tell you how inaccurate that statement is to boot. But they teach a biased version of slavery in those classes instead of the facts that all blacks do not come from africa and all whites are not from england. Black history has great artists, musicians and leaders. Why are they not teaching about that? And gods forbid if they teach about some of the white people who made it there life’s mission to help some of those people be recognized for there talent. You know a paragraph later I think this annoys me. :)
            racism or racialism (ˈreɪsɪzəm, ˈreɪʃəˌlɪzəm) — n1.the belief that races have distinctive cultural
            characteristics determined by hereditary factors
            and thatthis endows some races with an intrinsic
            superiority over others2.abusive or aggressive behaviour towards members
            of another race on the basis of such a belief

          • RecklessProcess

            The USA did not invent slavery. The USA also ended slavery and much of the world subsequently followed our lead. And many whites were lynched side by side with blacks by the KKK for the sin of allowing blacks to hold office and vote.

          • kduke

            Sorry, but you are “reckless” with history on one point. If you look, you will find the US was “late” to the game about ending slavery. 1315, France; 1335, Sweden; 1435, Catholic Church; 1542, Portugal; 1807, England; 1814, Netherlands, 1818, France (again); and a long string of countries continue up til 1865, when the US finally outlaws it. Post 1865, there are actions in the middle east and Africa but the record is surprising–it isn’t outlawed in Saudi Arabia until 1962, for example. Probably not “following our lead” there, though.

          • http://www.ThatUncutRaw.com/ Chris L

            A black woman can’t be racist?

          • Claire

            Depends on what you call racism. Anyone can have racial prejudice, but as for racism, it’s a global oppression system.

        • Jenny LN

          It’s another potential reason for their mistreatment though. As a couple, they were singled out.

        • dudebuddypal

          I agree. If they had thought it was racism then I’m sure she would have brought it up. I get tired of people playing the race card every time there is a little bit of drama.

      • CoffinSyrup

        You just couldn’t resist the temptation to pull the race card. It never fails.

        • Claire

          What does this mean?

      • Claire

        I totally agree with you.

      • Margaret Gallagher

        Agreed, Mila. And, how disgraceful. Many homeschooling graduation programs have speakers that absolutely rail about Obama and what he has done to this country. All imaginary, of course, because he has done so much good. Can’t get past the color of his skin.

      • Scott Carlin

        As soon as I saw the picture, I thought the same thing. Don’t know if that is the case but I suspect it is a strong possibility.

      • John

        Really? I’m a man with kids her age and would definitely look and think, “there’s a pretty girl in a nice dress”. That’s all it is. If men are staring at her then kick their perverted asses out of the prom, not her. What a stupid world we live in.

        • sinbadsailor

          It is very odd that we can’t see a normal pic of Clare in her dress. Why does she only have that one pic in her bare feet with her head out of the picture? How can we assess the appropriateness of the dress if we can’t see a normal pic of her wearing it? Very strange indeed.

          • Sharon Harding-Thomas

            What does that matter? We can see that the dress meets code and that’s she’s lovely. Her breasts aren’t hanging out and her ass is covered. Why do you need to see the whole product? She didn’t deserve to be treated like trash!

          • richard

            Uhmm, cause just maybe it might be someone else in the pic wearing the dress? I just love armchair quarterbacks, none of us was there so we are merely stating an opinion, but I guess we’re all entitled to one.

          • mai

            if you look at all of the pictures and the one with the dress as well you can see that the shoulder straps are the same as the body of the dress you can also see the french manicure both on her hand and feet which you later see when she touches her cheek

          • http://www.davidstreever.com/ David Streever


            It is an opinion to speculate that this is another person wearing the dress?
            Really? It just sounds a bit stupid, no offense intended. Why speculate that? Why bother? Read the story, think about what is said, and then wait for the prom’s response if you aren’t sure about the truth. Don’t make inane speculations.

          • sinbadsailor

            My guess is that her skirt was riding up on her and her ass wasn’t covered. Don’t you think she has numerous photos of herself in heels wearing the dress? The omission of a photo showing what she actually looked like is suspicious and suggests she is hiding something.

          • http://www.davidstreever.com/ David Streever

            Sinbad, why do you get to ‘assess’ the appropriateness? If you believe her that it adhered to the rule, then your assessment doesn’t matter. I think you’re just being a creeper.

          • sinbadsailor

            I don’t believe she adhered to the rule.

          • http://www.davidstreever.com/ David Streever

            Your assessment still doesn’t matter; until the prom group issues a statement, you’re just some dude speculating on the internet about something that already happened.

          • Cody Nelson

            AGREED! it looks like she’s pulling the dress down from the picture above… also the picture is shot from a high angle alluding to a possible cover up.

          • Jaime Reavis

            So her dress is too short and that means the prom people were right, it is all her fault that people were having “impure” thoughts, since she was causing all that fuss she shouldn’t have had a chance to call her parent’s or a family member either to be there, didn’t deserve a warning or a chance to change. Yes, blaming a 17 year old girl who every day is bombarded with the adds showing sexy half dressed women and told that is what people want to see her in, makes perfect sense. This is how the thought of dressing like a slut means you want to get raped is still around. Stop drooling over the sexy adds you see all the time or buying products that promote that type of dress or you are just as much part of the problem of “inappropriate” clothing as any one else. If her dress length is what you have an issue with then I hope you never act out the “impure” thoughts that must be filling your head.

          • jellybutter

            I didn’t realize she had to succumb to your small mindedness as well. Who died and made you purveyor of appropriateness. Does “missed the point” get through to you and your fellow “likers.”

          • MckLies

            Because the only time it met dress code was when she stretched it down for this picture.

          • Baps

            I do believe she was getting ready and you know you can’t always get a good pic that includes a tall person close up. But it seems like you just want to find something to complain about.

        • Guest

          have you seen the layout of the room? she couldn’t have both her entire body straight and her head in the mirror reflexion all at once even if she wanted to

        • Ryan Friend

          I hate fundamentalist fucktards. You go to the beach in a bikini. He’ll, aren’t you an SI model? That right there was the “problem.” Because, you know, girls who make money doing photoshoots are whores. They are all porn stars, especially the ones for SI, and Maxim, right?
          I don’t even read that type of trash (which is the source of most of this misogynistic thinking, so think twice about that next shoot), but I hate that you were kicked out because they thought you were a pornstarlet. You are the product of your own industry, Hannah. If you want to change that, you have a long swim against the current. But I will support that. Not enough models stand up for being objectified, at least not vocally enough. You need to work on your communication skills, than not then, and stop being ranty. Also, omit cursing and control your finger gestures and anger in public. Learn about nonviolent intervention and most of all, respect that other people have authority over you and will abuse it. They will. And you can’t stop it. Let it go at the time then hit the internet and YES! Release their name. Make sure you don’t libel them (get a video or audio recording), but led the crowd do the rest. That is what the bloggess does and she is brilliant. Just tie that legal line. Learn the rules of the game and then use all the loopholes. DOWN WITH FUNDAMENTALIST FUCKTARDS!

      • tsukinon

        White woman here and the same thing popped into my mind when I saw the picture. The dress struck me as basically what every other teenage girl wears to a formal. There was nothing extreme about your makeup. In other words, I doubt you were any more or less provocative than most of the other girls there. So unless there was something extreme in your behavior (and I believe you when you say there wasn’t), you have to wonder exactly why you caught their eye. (You guys make a cute couple, by the way.)

        And yes, it is SO creepy that a bunch of middle-aged men were looking down at teenage girls dancing and trying to figure out what might make teenage boys think impure thoughts. At my high school prom, there were very few male, if any, chaperones.

        I’m sorry you had such a horrible experience, but I’m glad that you had friends who had your back and that your story is getting the attention it deserves.

      • Elle Woods

        I have to admit that as soon as I saw the picture of Clare with her date, I also thought, “THIS is the real reason they threw her out.” But on second reflection, I wonder if it wasn’t just the woman’s judgmental attitude the moment she saw Clare that was to blame. Casting the blame on the fathers chaperoning the event is merely a smoke screen for her own impure thoughts.

        Also, I have been on the “skirt too short” end of the stick before. If I was bending over and moving around a lot, my skirt definitely would’ve been too short and would’ve grown shorter with all that movement, but my job required me to do nothing other than stand in the same spot all day, not perform the acts of a contortionist. Still, my female supervisor told me the men in the store had complained that my skirt was far too revealing and I needed to change. I refused to do so unless she agreed I wouldn’t have to clock out to go home and change, thus losing my scheduled shift hours and pay. She refused, so I went over her head to her own supervisor, a male, who said he found nothing inappropriate about the length of my skirt, and if the males working in the store found it too distracting, then perhaps it was they who should go home for the day and not me. She, of course, was very angry about his siding with me and continued to persist, but he refused to budge, telling her his decision was final and sending me back out on the floor.

        I came out triumphant, but to this day it reminds me that not all misogynistic injustices are carried out only by men.

        • Kathy

          No I really believe your first impression was correct, how many other couples were of mixed ancestry? I feel this was the reason and this makes my blood BOIL the hypocrites that bullied her out should be but will not be ashamed of themselves.

      • Michelle Pfirman O’Mealy

        Really? You were at her prom and saw this “grinding?” I do agree they deserve an apology.

        • Mordekaiser

          At what High School dance does grinding NOT happen?

      • DrMoebius

        Don’t kid yourself, Mila. She is tall, beautiful, smart, and worth “ogling’ over. This, coming from a “black guy” (as if that changes anything)

        Also, without knowing if there were any other interracial couples at the dance, or if they were the only one, it is hard to leap to that as a probable cause. Although, It was also my first thought upon seeing the picture of them together.

        I’m glad to read that she and her friends stood up for their own “values” and did not compromise. These kids are exactly the types we want shaping the future of this country. Their parents should be very proud.

      • Stephanie Hope

        She pointed out that she was not even dancing, much less grinding as you put it. I am often the first to assume race is an issue bc I live in Florida where it often is the issue – but here i disagree for reasons other than the aformentioned misunderstanding. I think that the women were jealous and bitter who singled her out from the girls that were in too skimpy clothing dancing sexually. As the person who experienced the event, Clare pointed point that she has a leggy attention grabbing form and the men on the balcony were noticably oggling, so noticable that Mrs. D and company decided to harrass her. Women are so affected by the patriarchy that many dont even see it and we attack each other because society has us convinced that we are competing with each other based on our appearance alone. A middle age woman observing her own husband or men just like hime salivating over a teenage girl triggers that fight response. Not only that but women see men’s sexism as inevitable, natural, and ubiquitous. We approach the perversion as if it cannot be changed and hence blame the girls and women who excite it, as if females should “know better”. This is not a new sentiment by any means, indicators of this attitude are evidenced throughout our pop culture. Female characters in most books, tv,

        • Greywolf

          Men will lust. Men will watch. Believe me, *so do the women*. It’s not turned into a physical action until THE MAN ACTS ON IT, at which point HE IS WHOLLY RESPONSIBLE for his actions. Nothing wrong with looking, but assault and harassment are to be repudiated at first opportunity.

          And it is NOT the woman’s fault, to be sure, just because of what she wears (or doesn’t), or how she walks/sits/etc.

          • Jenny LN

            Um. Women can also act on it….I don’t quite get your point.

          • http://www.davidstreever.com/ David Streever

            I don’t think he means to suggest they can’t; I think he is saying that men & women have thoughts, and it is fine. What is inappropriate is acting on those thoughts. I think he only uses the male pronoun there to stress that women are not to blame when men commit sexual assault.

            Basically, he is saying it is never the victim’s fault; that all men and women have lustful thoughts, but it is never ever the fault of the victim when someone acts on those thoughts.

      • Jackie Jankowiak Andula

        Mila…I was thinking the exact same thing. While the 45 year old guy may have been perverted I am willing to bet big money he is also a racist and bigot.

      • pyrodice

        I only read the cached version of this, but the date as described was wearing something else. I thought the man driving the car was another friend.

      • Tam

        I completely agree with you. She looked beautiful in her dress and I’m so sorry immature adults ruined the day for her.

      • CoolHairLuke

        Here’s the problem, Mila…we just can’t tell. But let me offer this: Your generation really doesn’t give a snit about race. And that’s a great thing.

        • Jay Pabarue

          ya. but no. gnna be a problem in our generation as well. which is a travesty. won’t be something, I think, that is resolved by the mere passage of time. gtta be a conversation. Cooooooooool. Haaaaaiiiir.

      • michelle

        Mila, Clare is a tall, leggy blonde with a pretty face, of course these men were ogling at her. And if you don’t realize that, then you are not in touch with what most men do. Personally, I did notice that her boyfriend is black, but my gut reaction was that Mrs. D was just really jealous of her, she was jealous that this girl was getting attention that she never got. Mrs. D probably saw the 45 year old men ogling at Clare and realized that no one ever looks at her that way. Maybe she herself felt attracted to Clare and that scared the shit out of her. I don’t know, but to react this way, Mrs. D had to have felt threatened in a very personal way. I am very schooled in psychology, this goes much deeper than Clare’s boyfriend being black. And Clare is very intelligent and aware, she would of mentioned that in her article if that was the case. No, Mrs. D felt threatened on a deep, personal level and that is the reason she refused to even let them speak to the highest person in charge.

        • Jay Pabarue

          I’m with the plaintiff Clare in every respect. But f*** off with your psychological projection. You 100% don’t know what was thought by any figure with agency in the event described. And you’re an infant if you think you do. Take your “she would of” elsewhere…

          • Jay Pabarue

            actually nvm don’t take it anywhere. sorry, “elsewhere,” for threatening you with inanity.

        • RecklessProcess

          I agree with you. I don’t the ‘patriarchy’ made the woman throw Claire out of the prom. I think the nasty woman chaperone decided that all by herself.

      • 12 John 12

        I agree that this is the real reason that she got kicked out. Racist white people had two major elections to train themselves to hide their obvious motives when it comes to skin color.
        .
        Lets hope that she becomes a doctor or lawyer, makes lots of money and disallow any inequality she sees in her life.

      • Breanna Livingston

        That’s funny. I never would have thought of it being a racist issue, maybe because where I live and the way we are raised it isn’t.

      • Linda Jane Kopina

        That is what I thought too, .I have faced similar attitudes about bi-racial dating in the past.I know it is 2014, but I have a feeling that is what the issue was.

    • Mike Boland

      Wtf is a ‘Patriarchy Prom?’

    • clutchperformer

      I love how people blame the nebulous “Patriarchy” for everything. Like a bunch of men sit around a table and decide how to oppress women.

      Women are their own worst enemies in matters of equality, sexuality, self-image, confidence.

      Patriarchy like this is gleefully enabled via Matriarchy. More misogyny is perpetrated against women, by other women, than men could ever hope to achieve. Like crabs in a bucket, they’ll pull each other down rather than allow one to escape.

  • Daniel Snow

    First things first, you look beautiful in those pictures, and your boyfriend looks dapper as all get out. Not many dudes could pull off that hat, but he nailed it. As for middle aged ladies enforcing unwritten rules and being generally horrible people, I have no insight. I’m neither middle aged nor a lady. The creepy men though, I have a little experience with. (Unfortunately, several family members know of this blog and I post under my real name. This may lead to awkward phone calls. Whatever.) This is going to get a little off topic, and if I drift too far, feel free to delete the comment.

    There is an idea, not just in conservative Christianity, that women are responsible for men’s lustful thoughts. It’s been referenced several times on this blog. Growing up, I certainly heard it quite a bit, although never in its extreme form. It was always phrased that women should “help their brothers out,” and not provide opportunity for them to sin. As things get farther out, this idea gets a bit scarier as Clare mentioned above: “I was told that the way I dressed and moved my body was causing men to think inappropriately about me.” This idea is bunk. As a man, if I’m failing to lust, I WILL find a way to think inappropriately about you regardless of what you are wearing. The actual woman is almost irrelevant here. The problem is in my head, and the type of thoughts running through there. I’ve worked with this for almost 15 years now, and I’m fairly confident that I’m pretty normal in this respect. At the end of the day, the issue is not between me and the woman I’m lusting after, it’s between me and God. It’s because, at some level; I want to lust after her, I don’t really see it as wrong, and I figure God will just forgive me afterwards anyway. In short, I’m not seeing lust as a sin. Afterwards is different; afterwards I can get angry; afterwards I can lash out at the innocent object of my lust.
    In some sense though, the “patriarchy” is right. To an extent, men are programmed to do this. I’m pretty sure that this attitude is not something I can change in myself. I can read this blog till the end of time, stand up for my sisters, reject obvious patriarchy, whatever. But it won’t matter. That seed is still there, still lusting. After 15ish years, I’m completely positive that the only answer is God. I failed miserably for well over a decade. Went to the conferences – didn’t help. Had the prayer partners – no change. Memorized the verses, did everything, and nothing worked. In the end (actually, is it ever the end?), what changed, was going to God. Really broken for the first time. Surrendered as much as was possible (too little). Dad took that and ran with it. I’m not perfect by any means, and I don’t completely know what was different that time, but that’s where the change finally started.

    Anyway, as filtered through my experience, that’s why I’m not certain getting mad about creepy men helps anything. Until God works there, until they really surrender this, nothing you do or say will work. You cannot shame away lust.

    • SPM

      I’d like to disagree with you a bit there about “creepy men”. I believe that saying things like “men are programmed to do this” and “…this attitude is not something I can change in myself” only gives them an excuse to stop trying. I also believe you are confusing feeling lust and acting on it. No one is angry at these men for feeling lustful; that’s something they have to work on themselves, if they even recognize its harm. What we are angry about, and rightfully so, is their actions as a result of that lust; namely, getting angry at/blaming the person (not “object”, geez) that they are lusting after and/or attempting to control the person in any way. I think our patriarchal and victim-blaming culture allows males from a young age to believe that what they’re feeling and doing is not only right, but expected and encouraged. Once that’s ingrained, it’s difficult to get out via any means, especially when society at large does nothing to help and in fact only worsens the situation.

      Calling out men on their actions not only forces them to realize that what they’re doing is wrong (a huge problem), but also forces them to know that it will NOT be tolerated and they will NOT get away with it. We may not be responsible for any change they work on themselves, but we do have a responsibility to call out this sort of behavior when it’s seen. Anger is a normal, if not generally helpful, reaction that needs to be tempered, and hate must certainly never come into the equation, but stern and firm calling out is extremely important. Standing our ground is important. You may assert that only God can get rid of lust in the male mind (and hey, maybe for you that’s all that’s working, but that may not be true of everyone else), but I fully believe everyone is capable on their own of NOT acting on their lust (unless perhaps they actually have a mental disorder, which is a completely different story). The only difference is that men have been told and shown from day 1 that what they’re doing will be defended and encouraged, and that absolutely has to stop.

    • SPM

      I’d like to disagree with you a bit there about “creepy men”. I believe that saying things like “men are programmed to do this” and “…this attitude is not something I can change in myself” only gives them an excuse to stop trying. I also believe you are confusing feeling lust and acting on it. No one is angry at these men for feeling lustful; that’s something they have to work on themselves, if they even recognize its harm. What we are angry about, and rightfully so, is their actions as a result of that lust; namely, getting angry at/blaming the person (not “object”, geez) that they are lusting after and/or attempting to control the person in any way. I think our patriarchal and victim-blaming culture allows males from a young age to believe that what they’re feeling and doing is not only right, but expected and encouraged. Once that’s ingrained, it’s difficult to get out via any means, especially when society at large does nothing to help and in fact only worsens the situation.

      Calling out men on their actions not only forces them to realize that what they’re doing is wrong (a huge problem), but also forces them to know that it will NOT be tolerated and they will NOT get away with it. We may not be responsible for any change they work on themselves, but we do have a responsibility to call out this sort of behavior when it’s seen. Anger is a normal, if not generally helpful, reaction that needs to be tempered, and hate must certainly never come into the equation, but stern and firm calling out is extremely important. Standing our ground is important. You may assert that only God can get rid of lust in the male mind (and hey, maybe for you that’s all that’s working, but that may not be true of everyone else), but I fully believe everyone is capable on their own of NOT acting on their lust (unless perhaps they actually have a mental disorder, which is a completely different story). The only difference is that men have been told and shown from day 1 that what they’re doing will be defended and encouraged, and that absolutely has to stop.

      • Daniel Snow

        Two points:
        I believe that you are correct about the anger. That does need to be called out, and it can be suppressed if people think it is socially unacceptable. Looking back over what I wrote, I do seem to imply that this issue should simply be ignored. It shouldn’t. Attacking the victim-shaming and controlling behavior is a noble thing and needs to be done.

        The thought I was attempting to make was about lust. I can’t speak to female lust; I’m not a girl. That being said, I completely disagree. I don’t think it is something everyone can handle on their own. The person is involved certainly, but God supplies the power. “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, but to will and to work for his good pleasure.” For that matter, I’m not sure it would even be a good thing to take on this sin on my own. I’m not called to perfect myself alone in anticipation of heaven. I can’t do that by myself. Jesus working in me can, and together we can transform who I am. I’m sorry you got the feeling that I was trying to let men off the hook, or give them an excuse to stop working. That was not my intention. Rather, I was attempting to propose that the core of lust cannot be handled without Jesus any more than anything can be handled without him.

        • Daniel Snow

          I hate to double post, but I just had a thought that might better explain what I was trying to say. Perhaps you don’t struggle with lust. That’s great, more power to you. However, think of the sin(s) that you do struggle with. Try to just stop. To just not sin anymore in that way. To stop, and not fall into the trap of legalism and pride. I’ve never heard of anyone doing it without Jesus.

          • Otter

            Dude, I’m a totally lecherous bastard, and I can out-ogle anybody you care to name. But switching it off just takes a sense of humor, self-awareness, and maturity. It isn’t spiritual rocket science: it’s knowing my place in the world and letting go of delusions.

            If I’d been at that dance, I probably would have gotten more than my share of eyeful of Clare: but I don’t have to have self-esteem problems to know that a hot, intelligent, self-aware, eighteen year old with a hip boyfriend is going to have her own ideas about life and happiness that do not include me. (See “American Beauty” for a nice fleshing-out of the premise that serious lust comes at the expense first of our sense of the reality of another person.)

            Some people need to 12-step to get to that point, maybe, and I wish them well. But let’s not overcomplicate it: the inability to put desire in perspective is a maturity problem, pure and simple. If you want to cast that as spiritual, be my guest. But ten minutes’ conversation with a girl like Clare in the presence of her friends and boyfriend will do more to set your lust in perspective than all the prayer you care to do, if you’re serious about treating her like a person.

            If you’re not serious, all the prayer in the world isn’t going to help anyway. You nail it when you write: “The problem is in my head, and the type of thoughts running through there.”

      • Rebecca Trotter

        I think the problem is that boys are taught that it’s wrong for them to find women attractive, even though it’s normal and healthy. So far from being told that they are entitled to view women as sexual objects, they are taught to feel shame for finding women attractive. But finding women attractive is unavoidable (for a straight guy) so they need to find a way to cope with the shame which is unfairly foisted on them. In the church, the model men are taught for coping with their shame is to attempt to control women because perhaps if you can get the women to be less provocative, it will be easier for the men to avoid their shame about being sexual beings. It’s all very sick and twisted and incredibly harmful to all involved.

        So stand up for yourself and speak your truth, but cut the guys a little slack. They are in their own impossible, shame inducing conundrum. Now, the men who turn into enforcers, those guys are seriously sick. At some point they need to hear that they are hurting people and start facing their own shame.

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          So far from being told that they are entitled to view women as sexual objects, they are taught to feel shame for finding women attractive. But finding women attractive is unavoidable (for a straight guy) so they need to find a way to cope with the shame which is unfairly foisted on them.
          -
          This also sounds like a recipe for paraphilias (sexual fetishes). It’s going to come out somehow, and if the normal/healthy outlets are blocked, it’ll overflow through somewhere else.
          -
          Christians are just as messed-up sexually as everyone else, they just got messed up in a different (and usually opposite) direction.

        • Origami_Isopod

          LOL no. Our society teaches men that women’s bodies are public property and exist for men to ogle, paw, and rape.

    • Fr. David Green

      Thank you for standing your ground in utmost respect to those who are your elders. Your story seems honest and reflective to what you know to have happened that evening. You are a bright and wonderful person who got a raw deal. I cannot for the life of me figure why things were handled so badly as they were but I know you to be truthful and a Love bearer. Hopefully in time reconciliation can take place between you and the others with Mrs. D.

    • GregFromCos

      “That seed is still there, still lusting. After 15ish years, I’m completely positive that the only answer is God. ”

      Did you try becoming a nudist? I hear it works wonders. Oglers don’t last long.

      • Daniel Snow

        As I mentioned, the issue is largely taken care of now. My tenses got a bit confused, making it look like this was still a major ongoing problem. That being said, your suggestion was awesome. That might very well have solved 17 year old me’s problems.

    • Rebecca Trotter

      The more you fight normal desire, the more power it has over you. Fighting it, resisting it, trying to overcome it, taking it to God, etc are all exactly the wrong way to deal with you’d normal reaction towards women. It’s a stage all men go through. If you learn to accept that you find women attractive and sometimes it’s embarrassing or inconvenient and THIS IS ACTUALLY A BLESSING FROM GOD, then you can move through the immature “hey look – boobies” phase of adolescence in to being a mature man who may notice but isn’t alarmed or derailed by it.

      This is one of the big problems with the whole purity obsession. It’s trains young men to see a natural part of development as dirty and sinful. Which is about as healthy as shaming a one year old for pooping on herself. And then it creates a permanent incentive to fixate on women’s bodies, thus creating men who have never matured past the normal “look – boobies” stage of adolescence. They are pretty much enforcing immaturity on men and then shaming them for it. It’s no wonder the male establishment has so much hostility towards women!

      Anyhow, stop with all the overcome it nonsense. It’s not something to overcome. It’s just part of being a sexual person that you need to pass through and mature into. A mature man can enjoy and notice when a woman is beautiful without it being a threat to his chastity or purity.

      • GregFromCos

        Well said Rebecca. Perhaps if I’d encountered someone with your views I’d have stopped questioning before leaving Christianity completely.

        Here is a great video that talks about how the chastity/purity cycle gets imprinted on so many within fundamentalist religion. Understanding it was part of what helped me escape it and become a better person.

      • Daniel Snow

        On the whole, I agree with you, and you put it much better than I could have. With the last paragraph though, I would like to add a point of clarification. I did not intend to say that we need to overcome our sexual desires. As you so rightly note, those are God given and a beautiful thing. My point on overcoming was only about when those desires are twisted into something evil. Not noticing a woman is beautiful and appreciating that; not even realizing that your body desires her. Rather, I was opposing when those thoughts turn into the ogling and the lust. When they become looking “at a woman with lustful intent,” to borrow Jesus’ phrase. Overcoming only the phase you mentioned, before a man can enjoy and notice a beautiful woman without it threatening his chastity or purity.

      • Headless Unicorn Guy

        And then it creates a permanent incentive to fixate on women’s bodies, thus creating men who have never matured past the normal “look – boobies” stage of adolescence.
        AKA permanent Beavis & Buttheads.

  • Kate Ulrich

    Those adults were anything but Christ-like!

    • zach

      nothing in the post said anything about it being a “christian” event with “christian leaders” stop pushing your religion on people.

      • Kate Ulrich

        I just assumed that it was Christian because what other type of group in the USA would have a situation like this? and I happen to know this family is Christian. Not trying to push my religion on anybody.

      • William Wenge-Murphy

        5 seconds on Google will tell you this event is held in a Methodist church.

        The phrase “impure thoughts” should be a hint. Only in a bible-belt backwater do they still use the phrase “Impure thoughts” un-ironically.

        • Karen

          the scary thing is, richmond is not a bible belt backwater. what is this world coming to?!

    • shaking my head at you

      What does religion have anything to do with this, Kate?

      • Jon Waldrep

        Sadly, religion (the holier-than-thou, bible thumping kind) has a lot to do with this. Petty religious people hide behind their bibles because they think that gives them the right to pretend they are better than anyone else. It’s sad and it’s stupid. If I was the father of that young lady I would have taken her right back and made a huge stink, security or not.

      • Kate Ulrich

        Well their standards of “modesty” and “helping” men avoid lust are derived from Christian theology and philosophy.

        As a Christian I do think some modesty is a good idea but many other Christians take this too far and teach that women are responsible for men’s lustful thoughts about them…which is behind what happened in this story. This is an idea also present in other religious systems too, unfortunately (Islam at least, maybe Hinduism too? I hear blaming women for rape is a big problem in India). It’s what the author of this blog is talking about when she refers to patriarchy and rape-culture.

      • Origami_Isopod

        Um… most h0mesk00lerz in the U.S. are funny-mentalist xtians.

  • Brose

    Clare, thank you so much for the share. The patriarchy is torn every time we dare to have a voice. Continue speaking, reflecting, and acting against injustice (in all forms and fashions, no pun intended).

  • http://www.allthingsbeautifulblog.com/ Alyssa Bacon-Liu

    Clare — So sorry you had to go through such an outrageous ordeal. The adults in the situation should be ashamed of themselves. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you & your friends enjoy the rest of your senior year despite this terrible situation.

  • Pingback: Christian Homeschool Dads Lust After 17-Year-Old Girl, Get Her Kicked Out of Prom | H . A

  • JefferyHaas

    Ultimately this is going to lead to a point where officially sanctioned proms are boycotted altogether, and eventually they’ll be outsourced to third party venues that the schools have no control over, and they’ll be democratically organized by student groups instead of parent groups.

    And that has pros and cons, but the unrelenting sexism AND racism will converge to a level where students will simply refuse to participate in parent and school sanctioned events.

    I am sorry that she had to have her special night ruined.

  • http://carlygelsinger.com/ Carly Gelsinger

    Clare, this is so wrong and it triggered memories of my experiences as a teen. Keep that dress and wear it again and again because you look beautiful in it.

    • http://KelseyMunger.com/ Kelsey Munger

      I agree with, Carly. Wear it again and again! You looked stunning, Clare.

  • http://www.myfullemptynest.wordpress.com/ myfullemptynest

    I’m so sorry how you were treated. My daughter attended a very conservative college and that was their rule re: dresses as well. Since she too, has nice long legs and she was constantly ‘written’ up. Primarily by men. So this really resonates. Again, I’m so sorry.

  • Anita

    Clare, I am so impressed by your clear-headed and dignified response to a very unfair situation. I am sorry that your special night was ruined by some small-minded control freaks. Thank you for calling it out and I hope that, by bringing attention to what happened, you have made a difference for some younger girls. Best of luck to you at college.

  • Otter

    Nicely handled, Clare. You looked great, but if they can’t think about baseball, it’s proof that they have no business teaching their own kids the moral landscape.

  • tills

    I’ve stop dressing up to go to church because of stuff this.

  • Kelly

    I have nothing against interracial couples, but do you think they might have had a problem with you being a pretty white girl with an African American male that made them more so upset instead of your dress and just used that as an excuse to kick you and your date out?

    • Jordan Kincaid

      I’m not going to lie that popped in my head as well and I’m all for interracial couples! Love has no limit. Only idiots like the chaperones at this prom seem to think so.

    • Morten Kristensen

      Bingo.

    • Chloe

      I had the same thought. Especially with the “dancing” part. There could be a lot of levels of terrible going on here. :/

    • badfae

      Oh! I hadn’t even noticed her date in the pic because I was looking at her hair and makeup, but then I scrolled back up. I think you may be on to something.

    • Reesi Turchi

      I hate to agree with this possible scenario….I, too, date an amazing & handsome black man for almost 6yrs now….we, too, have seen some intolerance for interracial couples, but we are well in our 40s so we’re old enough to mostly ignore gestures of their personal opinions & even just laugh at them for their inability to be loving people to ALL….thats THEIR problem…THEIR karma.
      They might’ve been “smart” to attack your dress-code-compliance & blame the anonymous men upstairs cuz could u imagine the amplified UPROAR online if they mentioned that you were kicked out for bringing someone of another race as your date??
      Be smart though….if ur dress was the only reason given, stick with THAT defense….dont bring unnamed theories into this conversation. If u keep defending that u were kicked out for ultimately dressing within their code given, 1 of them will finally bust out with a piece of truth IF the racial aspect was truly a cause of your dismissal….something like “that BLACK boy had his arm around her…kissed her….(whatever!)….”
      You are a STUNNING girl….could’ve also been those men’s wives that got u ejected so stick with the argument u were given til THEY mess up & the truth comes out…
      Anyway, u aren’t only a beautiful girl but also obviously very intelligent & you write so amazingly well…..maybe a career choice for u….

      • Amy Peterson

        I just want to say that I thought of that, too — especially a blonde young lady making a presence in a room with a very mature looking (not inappropriately — I assume he is around 17-18 also) black man, if at least subconsciously that was the issue the mouth-breathing, middle aged dads were having. I will point out that she said HE bought the tickets and brought HER to prom, which would say to me he is also homeschooled and part of their association.

        At my daughter’s prom 3 weeks ago (in the upper Midwest, not in the South) I had to stop taking video of the grand march (where all the couples come across the stage so everyone can see how beautiful they look) because a family sitting behind me was making snarky comments about dresses and everything else. Our girls mostly had Vanna White-looking sequined dresses in hot pink and lime green that were backless, low cut and everything else. I personally didn’t like them, but I didn’t find them inappropriate, really. They made the girls with more classy and original dresses look all the better.

        The people behind me were upset with interracial couples — black boys and white girls, moreso than they were white boys and Latina girls.

        For one, I wished they would shut up and almost said something, but my daughter might never have forgiven me for making a scene. Also, in our small school of 400 or so, I don’t think we have a black girl right now, but we have a couple of black boys. Who are the boys supposed to date, even if we object to interracial relationships, which is, of course, wrong?

        I think we should all object to having to change our appropriate behavior when “someone” or “people” say they have an issue. I think “people” should stand up and say what they mean, and “someone” needs to let their face be shown and name be read if they really mean it. I’ve been told that “some parents” object to this or that relating to my kids or their activities together, and I urge those parents to call or email me directly or talk to me when they see me around.

        Adults should at the very least have to speak to young people with integrity and name their claim. Otherwise, how can we expect it of them.

      • Kirt Dankmyer

        Yeah, that dress, while cute, is actually pretty modest. Singling it out makes no sense at all. So I have to wonder about a racial motivation in addition to the creepy misogyny. (They’re not mutually exclusive, after all.)

        Were there other “mixed race” couples at the dance?

    • Walrus

      I have the same feeling, this is a lovely young woman, but nothing about her makes me want to stop and ogle. Nothing is busting out or overly accentuated, she looks nice. I attended dances in High School and even chaperoned a few (my son is 14) provocative dancing sometimes becomes an issue, but a kind request to “tone it down” is the most severe action I’ve ever seen taken and has always been effective. There really seams to be something else at play here.

    • Avy C

      It’s funny, but I really didn’t consider this until I got to the end of the post when she mentioned others were actually “dirty dancing” after she left. So I think someone probably had a problem with it even though she and her date don’t think so.

    • E. C. Chang

      I went to my senior prom with a guy who was my best friend at the time. I’m white, he’s Chinese. We got some funny looks at the very nice restaurant where we had dinner before the dance, but that was as far as it went. He’s my husband now, and we still deal with the funny looks (I get the stinkeye whenever I go vote since I sure don’t look like a Chang). I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. Let them stare; love is beautiful and I won’t hide just because they’re uncomfortable. Don’t you hide either. You looked beautiful for your prom, your date was dashing, and there is nothing of which either of you should feel ashamed.

  • Kimberly

    First, can I just say, you ROCK that hair, Clare. I wish I could pull that off. :)

    Second, I’m proud of you for writing this, and for being able to so clearly articulate your concerns with the whole situation. I doubt I could have done half so well at 17.

    Preach on, sister!

  • Ragnarok

    Clare, you rock. That is all.

  • Terahlyanwe

    Go Clare!! I’m very sorry that such an event occurred, but I AM glad that you are mature and discerning enough to know what happened was wrong. Good luck with getting the further refunds!

  • BethE

    What I find most interesting here is the idea of ‘the fingertip test’, which is totally bogus. As a girl with a long body, big bum, and short arms (I am weirdly proportioned. I am ok with this.), a dress fingertip length would still show the majority of my arse. Would the prom organisers be ok with that? Passes the rules they’re imposing, but somehow I doubt they’d let me in. Similarly, girls with longer legs may well be wearing a dress which passes this rule, but by nature of having more leg to show than a shorter girl, are classed as showing too much. Not only does this rule try and police what women wear, it’s also hugely inconsistent because it doesn’t take into account the way that girls’ and women’s bodies are shaped differently, leading to situations like this where a dress passes this arbitrary rule but is still considered unacceptable.

    The lesson here? STOP TELLING WOMEN/GIRLS WHAT TO WEAR, LET THEM EXERCISE THEIR OWN JUDGEMENT (since most will be sensible anyway, and want to dress in a formal style for prom), AND LOOK DAMN GOOD DOING IT. Because seriously, that dress is awesome, your sister looked fabulous, and I hope she gets the chance to wear it again soon!

    • badfae

      I have a long torso, too, and got away with some pretty short skirts and dresses in high school because of the fingertip rule (I always wore anything that short with opaque tights, at least). It does seem pretty subjective.

    • Amanda

      I have long legs and short torso. everything appears short on me because I too have long legs. you looked beautiful and I’m sorry your night was ruined by this. They need to just say the dresses need to be x inches from the knee.

  • Nick

    Hello. My name Nicholas Tabachuk.Jessye Rae Tabachuk husband. They believe that there is nothing that can be done legally because it is a home school event. But the truth is it became a non home school “private event.” This kind of thing makes me proud to be a Catholic, but aside from that point my family comes from a long line of business owners and law groups. The onslaught you incurred that night was not only a violation of your rights, but proves that adult men that were “chaperones” of the event were admitting to their arousal at the site of you. Which undoubtedly offended the wives and women that were chaperones as well. The fact you were singled out prior to any foul language or foul acts proves there was a vendetta formed from the very beginning. Aside from just the reimbursement for your groups tickets, there are several things that bed to be imbued as well. These things include the cost of the clothing for the evening, transportation, and any other funds incurred by your group. This list does not include the very obvious Ill willed intentions of the male chaperones at the prom and the emotional effect the men and this unknown “Mrs. D,” had on you as a result of their bullying tactics and megalomania behavior. I, taking psychology three years in college learned megalomania is a huge part of home schooling their children and sheltering them from the real world. It is not fair your name will be flung through the mud as if you brought methamphetamine and started an orgy. And the fact that you did not sign a document about their dress code, in which you did follow, leaves the door open for something huge. Now I can not get into those finer details on a public forum but if you contact my wife, I can go over these huge options with you. Some include action against the male chaperones. Some include action against this miss dee. But most of all this was not a private home school event once it was given a location and named a “prom.” So regardless of your later actions which hold no water where this can be taken, I believe you have a huge case on your hands. If others are willing to testify to the actions of other attendees and the non discipline from the male chaperones, than it grows even larger.

    • Robert Lentink

      I stopped reading after “This kind of thing makes me proud to be a Catholic”. How can anyone be proud to be a member of one of the most violent and morally depraved criminal organisations in the word.

      • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

        um excuse me.. Catholics aren’t violent and morally depraved criminals. Catholics donates more to charity than any other organization in the history of the world. Also, they operate 1 out of 4 hospitals in the world. Think before you post. You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ll pray to Mary for you(;

        • Walrus

          ummm, yeah you might want to google “priest sexual abuse”

          • Woofgang

            Yes, and for sure, that means ALL Catholics are violent and morally depraved. Hmm, here people are debating the potential reasons for discrimination against this young girl, and you all are going to to paint all Catholics with the broad brush of violence and depravity? Good idea, let’s have someone who practices discriminatory thoughts weigh in on the way this girl was discriminated against. Sorry, Robert Lentink and Walrus – neither of you have any credibility.

          • Origami_Isopod

            Robert didn’t say all Catholics are depraved. He said they belong to a depraved organization.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            You might want to google “sexual abuse” with any group or organization. Its not just Catholics. Every organizations has bad people involved. Like Islam. They have the real group that wants peace AND the extremest. Americans automatically claim the group is a terrorist group because of one sector. Use your brain.

          • Walrus

            so its OK for priests as long as other people do it too? The church covered it up and gave the offenders more children to molest, you are as bad as they are for minimizing their crimes. The Catholic church is a criminal organization

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            You cannot blame a whole organization for certain individuals actions. Thats like giving a detention to the whole class because two students acted up.

          • Stev84

            The Catholic Church (including up to the ex-Pope in his function as the head of the Inquisition) systematically covered up the abuse. Instead of dealing with it and preventing future abuse, they shielded the abusers and moved them around. Or moved them to the Vatican to prevent their arrest. Or moved around money to prevent payouts to the victims. To this day they obstruct justice at every turn.

            Yes, other organizations have sexual abuse too. A few even cover it up. Like Penn State. But the law eventually holds them accountable. Not so with the Catholic Church. Because organized religion is above the law.

            Never mind the countless other crimes against humanity the Catholic Church has committed throughout its existence.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            wow the church did a great job keeping it covered up then since the whole damn world knows and its been on the news. hm.

          • Origami_Isopod

            LOLOLOLOL… you mean, a whole organization that covered up the behavior of many individuals for millennia? (Yes, millennia. The first formal statement on sexual abuse of children by clerics was in 60 CE.)

        • Mary Hornaday

          Seriously? AGAIN, YOUR READING SKILLS NEED HELP. Let me copy and paste what I just wrote above, not that I actually think anyone will understand it based on these comments…
          He called the Catholic CHURCH a violent and morally depraved criminal ORGANISATION. He said absolutely nothing about individual Catholics, he simply expressed an inability to understand how someone could be proud to be a part of an organisation that has a DENSE history of unsolicited religious wars, covering up the sexual assaults of children, propagating outright misogyny and bigotry, money laundering, YOU NAME IT.
          Unless of course you didn’t understand what he said because you don’t realize that the Catholic church is an organisation that profits from their bigotry and thievery.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            Okay sweets, your reading skills need help then too because i already replied to your other post before you copied and pasted it.

          • Mary Hornaday

            No hun I replied to another comment above (by Woofgang), in which they clearly needed help understanding what Robert actually said, and my comment to you (the one directly above your comment) was a reply to your comment in which you also clearly need help understanding the words that were said in the original comment. The comment your originally replied to was not meant for you, it was meant for Woofgang. Internet forums van be difficult, but if you’re going to partake in them you should really learn how it actually works.
            The original poster did not say members of the Catholic church were morally depraved, etc. He was talking about the Vatican, the Catholic organisation. It’s just like saying that the U.S. government is greedy and morally depraved. Just because the government is greedy and morally depraved does not make every single person in the United States greedy and morally depraved.
            I can say that almost every single Pope that has ever taken seat in the Vatican has been a tyrant against progress and justice and morality. The current one is a step in the right direction but he still supports the same arcane views against women’s rights. How can you support an organisation that refuses to let women have any leadership and then comment on a post like this that is talking about the effects of patriarchal systems such as the gendered hierarchy within the Catholic church? THAT is what the original poster is saying. I don’t think you’re a terrible person if you’re Catholic (my mom, step-father and little sister are all Catholic), but the Catholic organisation is a corrupt, backwards one and has been for the entirety of its existence.

        • Origami_Isopod

          All that charity comes with strings attached. Such as refusing to let babies be adopted by same-sex couples. All those charitable actions could be performed by secular organizations that aren’t eager to control people’s sexuality using the fear of an imaginary afterlife of torment as a stick.

      • Woofgang

        Oh please. There are bad people who happen to be Catholic. This does not mean Catholics are bad people. Or morally depraved. Or criminal. Use a little common sense.

        • Mary Hornaday

          LOL your reading skills need help….
          He called the Catholic CHURCH a violent and morally depraved criminal ORGANISATION. He said absolutely nothing about individual Catholics, he simply expressed an inability to understand how someone could be proud to be a part of an organisation that has a DENSE history of unsolicited religious wars, covering up the sexual assaults of children, propagating outright misogyny and bigotry, money laundering, YOU NAME IT.
          Unless of course you didn’t understand what he said because you don’t realize that the Catholic church is an organisation that profits from their bigotry and thievery.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            yeah definitely. I’m partying it up over here with all of my churches stolen money. Maybe tomorrow my church as a whole will go molest people for fun. Get over the past and look at the now.

          • Origami_Isopod

            Defensive and butthurt Catholic is defensive and butthurt.

          • Woofgang

            Read my last sentence. Common sense. Your ignorance is showing.

          • Mary Hornaday

            YOU LITERALLY SAID in response to Rovert “There are bad people who happen to be Catholic. This does not mean Catholics are bad people. Or morally depraved. Or criminal.” and then I replied saying “He called the Catholic CHURCH a violent and morally depraved criminal ORGANISATION. He said absolutely nothing about individual Catholics…”
            HE SAID NOTHING ABOUT CATHOLICS BEING BAD PEOPLE FOR GODS’ SAKE. He was commenting on the Catholic CHURCH, the Catholic ORGANISATION.
            My family is Catholic and they are amazing people, far from thieving and violent. But the VATICAN and the CATHOLIC ORGANISATION has a TAINTED HISTORY of violence and thievery.
            Again, YOUR READING SKILLS NEED HELP.

          • Woofgang

            AGAIN, your ignorance and intolerance is showing. If you want to argue semantics, go ahead. What he said was offensive. Period. No less offensive than someone saying Muslims are a terrorist organization who are violent and discriminatory against women. I could use any religion or “organization” to make my point. An organization is in and of itself not violent or morally depraved. An organization is not a living thing. There may be people within that organization who behave that way – but I doubt that’s the charter or bylaws of the organization. What you can’t seem to comprehend is that the Vatican and the Catholic organization are defined by the people in the organization so when you generalize and make offensive remarks based on those stereotypes, it’s offensive and really just showcases ignorance.

            Regardless, the comments are ridiculous and have nothing to do with the blog and what happened to this teenager so let’s drop it.

        • Robert Lentink

          Did I write that Catholics are bad people? I said their organization, their governing body is criminal. History proves that, and it’s not an incident or two, A long long list of extremely bad things.

    • Ken Stuck

      I agree 100% with Nick and I would get in contact with his wife. This kind of behavior by the facilitators of this “prom” and the fact that you paid for tickets etc. makes it something that you can take legal actions on. The fact that they had male chaperones sitting in a balcony looking down on you like some piece of meat also is another base for a lovely suit. This was never about the rules, or even dancing. It was about the green eyed monster some of the women at the event had because you looked amazing and they wished they could look that way again or have those men looking at them that way. I would pursue this because they took from you what was supposed to be a wonderful night because of their own personal flaws. If someone had done that to either of my daughters I would have been all over it before the night was out going as far as to return to where the “prom” was located with attorney in tow for I have a feeling by the time I would get done berating Ms. D she would have no other option than to have me arrested for disorderly conduct.

    • Ken Stuck

      I agree 100% with Nick and I would get in contact with his wife. This kind of behavior by the facilitators of this “prom” and the fact that you paid for tickets etc. makes it something that you can take legal actions on. The fact that they had male chaperones sitting in a balcony looking down on you like some piece of meat also is another base for a lovely suit. This was never about the rules, or even dancing. It was about the green eyed monster some of the women at the event had because you looked amazing and they wished they could look that way again or have those men looking at them that way. I would pursue this because they took from you what was supposed to be a wonderful night because of their own personal flaws. If someone had done that to either of my daughters I would have been all over it before the night was out going as far as to return to where the “prom” was located with attorney in tow for I have a feeling by the time I would get done berating Ms. D she would have no other option than to have me arrested for disorderly conduct.

      • Jen

        That was something that stood out to me as being an uncomfortable situation. Having men standing above and look down on the group, as a women who is anything but small could see down my shirt and my chest unless I wore a turtle neck. I really think there was an issue with the adult men getting turned on by the young women and for one reason or another she was singled out and sent home. You are a strong young woman so don’t let this situation define you, use it to make you stronger.

    • Eric

      It was a private paid function, the group essentially stole their time and money from these teens. At the very least taking them to small claims court will cause them to have to expend time of their own, not to mention a hassle, maybe it will force them to pay up and refund the money, at most stop being so stupid.

    • Gagarin

      Paragraphs, paragraphs.

    • MyOwnVoice

      ” proves that adult men that were “chaperones” of the event were admitting to their arousal at the site of you”

      I know people want to play off the fact that the dirty old men are to blame, but what they actually stated was “that I was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts.”

  • MorgueAnne

    I really hope all the parents raised one hell of a stink. Fight this. We are behind you with support and love.

  • Caspar Reyes

    Creepy Homeschool Ogling Patriarchal Dad (CHOP’D) says:

    This episode with all its legalistic standards is hilariously paradoxical, considering what high school prom has come to offer: a sort of wedding, only without the wedding — dressy dress-up, a reception that gets you drunk, and an aftermath that gets you laid. And the Homeschool Prom is an attempt to make the homeschool experience ever so much more palatably “real”, which is to say, like public school. Why mandate dress length when the purpose is to cast off limits anyway?

    Five years ago, dresses would have been four fingers above the knee, with buttock-high out of the question. Why is fingertip length so important now? And whose fingertips, anyway? I’d love to get my fingertips where I could check how that dress lay against Clare’s ass. I’ve seen that ass, and I’m sure I would have approved.

    Do you find that creepy? Well, you are not responsible for my lusting by the way you dress and dance, nor I am not responsible for your creeped-outedness that arises from my pocket protector, my highwaters, and the band-aid glasses through which I check out the glittery asses of nubile teens who don’t know whether they are seeking approval or independence. I am not responsible for your feelings about my feelings about your ogleable ass, you strong, empowered, independent Rejectrix of the Patriarchy™, you.

    Unfortunately, I wasn’t at the event in question, because as a CHOP’D who takes his patriarchal privileges very seriously, I would have been glad to be in a position to ogle some serious cleavage from that balcony. Maybe the kickers-out were not protecting themselves from lust so much as you from their creepy vibe. Here’s what may be a piece of news for you: a 45-year old man lusting after teen ass is no dirty old man, but a normal man. When you are 45 you will be glad of those inclinations, provided that your reactionary, F-the-Patriarchy™ post-homeschool, feminist re-education has not, even at this early date, guaranteed your induction two decades hence into the Spinsterhood Hall of Anonymity.

    I didn’t see many complaints about being eyed with desire by the boys, or about being eyed with jealousy by other girls. You love that dress, not because you love yourself in it, but because certain others love (or hate) you in it. But creepers wouldn’t ogle you if you were just like all the other girls, except that the drive to be different from all the other girls makes you just like all the other girls. You want to be singular without being singled out. You want to conform and yet stand out. You want the power that comes with being desired, but you want to be desired only by the ones you find desirable and be invisible to the rest. You want control over what everyone at Prom thinks and feels…Welcome to the Patriarchy™!

    Only, it’s the Matriarchy™, and it’s ten times the Bitch. Funny how the Patriarchy™ gets blamed when girls do stupid stuff: beat up your sister, or kick you out of prom, or wear glittery things for attention and then complain about the attention. Were the Patriarchy™ still in charge, Prom might still be denim jumpers and sneakers, but everyone would be quite content about it and have a great time. On the other hand, Clare, you could have suffered a fate much worse than what actually befell: they could have simply ignored you.

    -CHOP’D

    • Hattie

      When she’s 45, she’ll be grateful for middle-aged men’s urges to…

      ogle 17-year olds?

      • Caspar Reyes

        For her 45-year old husband to still have a man’s desire.

        • Hattie

          “Mrs. D tried not to show it.. but deep down, she was bursting with gratitude.”

          All I can say is, she hid it well.

          (I know, I know, don’t feed the trolls…)

        • Origami_Isopod

          Honey, I’m in my mid-40s and I’m rather grateful I’ve become “invisible.” Unwanted attention from creepy men isn’t flattering, no matter how much you convince yourself it is because you think that you have a right to comment on and grab women’s bodies in public.

    • Rebecca Trotter

      Yeah, any man who oogles teen ass without feeling like an idiot is really immature. Most men grow up enough not feel compelled to oogle at every nice ass they see. Even if they are slow to mature, the experience of finding yourself oogling some teen’s ass, telling yourself, “I’d tap that” is usually wake up call enough to nudge a man out of his adolescent immaturity.

      Since apparently your buddies are either as immature as you are, or they are too timid to tell you what a creeper you are to your face, allow me to inform you that I have it on good authority that it’s not actually normal for a grown man to oogle teen ass. No matter how nice it is. You’re supposed to feel silly when it happens. It’s not what all men do. It’s what creepy, immature men who have very little self awareness do.

    • Atticus

      Hint: Imitating Doug Wilson really doesn’t make you as charming or clever as you think. Another hint: My conservative homeschooling parents were both Rejectors of Patriarchy, and my politics and faith are much more similar to theirs than is the case for most of my peers raised in patriarchal homes.

    • JuneBelle

      On Display: The Patriarchy’s ACTUAL Opinion of Male Lust

      ————————————————————–
      Creepy Homeschool Ogling Patriarchal Dad (CHOP’D) says:

      “I’d love to get my fingertips where I could check how that dress lay against Clare’s ass. I’ve seen that ass, and I’m sure I would have approved.”

      “Unfortunately, I wasn’t at the event in question, because as a CHOP’D who takes his patriarchal privileges very seriously, I would have been glad to be in a position to ogle some serious cleavage from that balcony.”

      “Here’s what may be a piece of news for you: a 45-year old man lusting after teen ass is no dirty old man, but a normal man.”

      “When you are 45 you will be glad of those inclinations, provided that your reactionary, F-the-Patriarchy™ post-homeschool, feminist re-education has not, even at this early date, guaranteed your induction two decades hence into the Spinsterhood Hall of Anonymity.”

      “You want the power that comes with being desired, but you want to be desired only by the ones you find desirable and be invisible to the rest.”

      “Were the Patriarchy™ still in charge, Prom might still be denim jumpers and sneakers, but everyone would be quite content about it and have a great time.”

      —————————————————————–

      Read that over and over and over again. Is there shame for committing the sin of lust? Is there repentance? Is there any shred of acknowledgement of what the Patriarchy claims is a pervasive evil?

      The only men who are made to feel shame for their lust are young, attractive men.
      The older men feel perfectly free to lust because the lust of a young attractive man is usually welcomed by attractive young women.
      The lust of a disgusting, repressed geezer, on the other hand, is abhorred by young women.
      Therefore, it is a useful tool for controlling young attractive women.
      (What about those deemed unattractive? Who cares? Those women have none of the power over the feelings and actions of males that these men have a paralyzing fear of.)

      So here before us is the paradox of Patriarchy. Lust is evil in young, not-yet-mature men but perfectly fine in old, supposed-to-be-the-spiritual-leaders-but-obviously-has-tons-of-holes-in-their-umbrella men.

      A TEENAGE girl dressing in a way that was never specified as wrong by the Bible is evil, but the command from Jesus to men to not commit adultery by lusting in his heart over a woman does not pertain to older supposed-to-be-mature males who are usually MARRIED (and, therefore, in the only kind of status that is capable of committing adultery).

      THERE is Patriarchal logic. Right here. Yet we women are the emotional beings who need to be controlled?

      • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

        What are resources are you using? This simply could have been made up by you. Cite your sources! Didn’t you go to high school?

        • JuneBelle

          Are you serious? Look up. It’s quotes pulled directly from the guy I’m responding to. Did YOU go to high school? :-/

          • Gagarin

            She reads half of what is on the screen and she only understands half of what she reads.

      • Origami_Isopod

        You quoted the deleted troll as saying, “You want the power that comes with being desired…”

        Yeah, I’m sure that 11-year-old girls who’ve already developed large breasts feel really “powerful” when grown-ass men follow them down the street in their cars, yelling obscene come-ons.

  • gadgetgirl02

    I’m so sorry. You’re so right about height being a factor — I’m 5’9″ too, and by the time I was 13 I had restaurant servers assuming I was over 25 and asking if I’d like anything from the cocktail menu.

    From what you describe, it’s the dads who should have been kicked out. If they’re up on the balcony, they’re not chaperoning anything.

    You looked gorgeous in the photos. I hope you get to wear the dress on a more fun occasion!

  • ThinkMn

    Sorry your prom was a disaster. Its on them not you. As for you causing their impure thoughts, sounds like they’re from Saudi Arabia trying to force women into veils and a burqa. They have a problem.

    By legal definition if they lust after a child under 18 yrs of age, they are child molesters. They need help.

    • Ed Selby

      I checked and can’t find a law about thought crime.

      The article doesn’t support any inappropriate behavior by the men at the prom. It was the women who did the shaming and exhibited the truly sexist behavior.

    • Origami_Isopod

      Lusting after an adolescent happens. Some adolescents look like adults. What makes one a child molester is, you know, molesting a child. If these grown men had simply taken a discreet look, then checked themselves, there’d have been no problem.

  • De Lacy

    As another tall gorgeous woman, I am too often met by women who have a sense of inferiority, especially upon first meeting. Even though their feelings and beliefs about themselves are not my personal responsibility, I do love creating and nurturing the experience of the human connection. I wish for people to feel at ease with me. Hence, my desire to assure a woman that she has no need for her walls. Step beyond a womans walls, and you can relish in the pure sunshine that she may not even know shines from within her. I have found that the very best thing I can do to prove to women that they have no need for making assumptions in regards to me, is treat them with genuine resect and love. We are equals, after all. It is a true sadness to me when I encounter a woman who will not see herself as my peer. Jealousy and severe insecurity are too often the sources of lost opportunities for what may have been a beautiful friendship. Something tells me that Mrs. D had always dreamt of looking and feeling as gorgeous as you did that night, Clare. But on the occasion that she got that chance, someone somewhere . . . a parent, a significant other, a member of an organization, someone did everything in their power to shame her and try to make her believe that she was wrong to enjoy looking and feeling beautiful. It would seem that whomever that person(s) was tragically succeeded in their pursuits. A classic method for dealing with shame is to attempt to shame someone else by bringing them down to the level that they’ve been brought down to. This way they can take comfort in the fact that they are not alone in their misery. I do not wish to create excuses for Mrs. D, only to express that my heart goes out to her and those who would support her beliefs and actions. The epidemic regarding rape culture is highly promoted, vouched for, believed in, and fiercely stood by. Particularly by the victims thereof. I applaud you Clare for not only refusing to stand among the victims, but for also spreading awareness on the matter.

  • Kathleen Margaret Schwab

    You were absolutely beautiful for prom night, and you have a great group of friends. Your generation is not going to put up with this garbage. I am 47. I was shamed as a college girl for wearing sweat pants in my own dorm. A guy from church had dropped by unannounced, and I had just returned from jogging. He wanted me to change. I felt as if I had done something bad, although logically how could i even know that after 9pm I would get a surprise visit, or that baggy gey sweatpants are sexy? (I don’t think they are. Or maybe i am just a godess.) My point is – I took all the shame on myself. Your generation is going a different direction and I am very glad for you.

  • wialno28

    I would like to tell you that you are nothing short of amazing. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and deeply ashamed of those at the prom who objectified you and shamed you. I’m sorry you didn’t get to stay and even sorrier that this happened not an hour from my doorstep. (To be entirely honest, I’m enraged!) I can tell you that in a few years time prom won’t even matter to you, but that’s NOT THE POINT. No one should make you feel ashamed for being a woman. No one should make you feel like your height, your curves, or anything else about your body is anything to hide. No one should shame you for wearing a pretty dress! I admire your confidence and I’m inspired by your willingness to tell your story. You are far classier than I, because I’m having trouble convincing myself not to call these people up and give them a piece of my mind!

  • Kenny Kenzilla Nipp

    Clare, get an attorney and sue the living shit out of that lady, and everyone else involved. Make them pay dearly for ruining your only senior prom.

    • Ed Selby

      Sue for what? On what grounds? While I am on Clare’s side morally, this was a private event. The rules of the game are different.

      • Lola16

        Just because it is a private group doesn’t preclude it from being sued. Clare paid for a ticket. She detrimentally relied- by buying a dress, paying for a limo, etc- on the promise that she would be able to attend and enjoy this event, so long as she stuck to the rules. She was thrown out, but not for violating the rules. Unlike a baseball game, there was nothing on her ticket that stated the organizers could refuse admission for any or no reason. It’s like buying a ticket for a cruise, paying for airfare and travel, getting on the boat, and then once on, someone saying we’re kicking you off because the other passengers don’t like you. Don’t you think you could sue for your expenses in that scenario?

  • Glenn Ziegler

    Go to the police and file a sexual harassment complaint. If they balk, go to court and file for an order of protection against the parents serving as chaperones. The record will follow them the rest of their lives.

    • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

      do you know what an order of protection is? She isn’t stalked or threatened. The case would fall through and just be a waste of money.

      • Woofgang

        discrimination suit then.

        • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

          It would fall through. It was their organization. She can’t file a suit against something she chose to attend and chose to follow the rules to when she purchased a ticket. I have an officer living in my house and if he read this chain he would laugh at how silly this is. She would be turned away. The law can’t and wont help here.

          • finisterre

            She did follow the rules. She may not have any kind of criminal case but I bet she could at least get a refund for her friends.

          • Woofgang

            I disagree with you. She chose to attend and follow the rules by purchasing their ticket. Number one, by accounts, she DID follow the rules. Mrs. D arbitrarily chose to make the rules only apply for one person. Wrongdoing. There is some discrimination going on here – pretty girl, blonde girl, silver dress, bi-racial couple, tall girl, ogling older men, who knows what the real reason is, but doesn’t sound like Mrs. D. can justify her decision. So you may think it’s silly, but a senior prom and it’s associated memories can’t be quantified easily. The money and time spent on the attire and associated expenses can – so I would say that girl and her group are entitled to recompensation. Sorry, but you’re absolutely wrong when you say the law can’t and won’t help. The law (as in a police officer) will not arrest anyone at this point, however this could easily go to civil court, and if won in civil court, a prosecutor could decide to file charges as discrimination is against the law. In fact, even without a civil lawsuit win, a prosecutor could decide they want to send a message that this kind of illegal discrimination won’t be accepted and file charges on their own. Unlikely, but it could happen.

          • Sarah Kay

            Are you one of the “chaperones” from this event?

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            Nope! I’m a girl that attended the event actually.

          • IAmLars

            She can’t file suit for something she chose to attend? You are obviously no law expert.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            They didn’t break the law. I’ve had an officer reading over my shoulder this whole time and he agrees that yea, sucks, but the police and law wont do much..

          • IAmLars

            You are aware that having a police office reading over your shoulder means jack and shit, right? Is this police officer also a lawyer? Does he understand discrimination and civil suits around said discrimination? Criminal law is not the same as civil law.

    • Gagarin

      That’s dumb.

  • sebois

    If anyone treated my daughter this way they would see the inside of a courtroom. Also, the whole affair strikes me as more of a jealous matriarchy than any other form of social lunacy.

  • Chloe

    I bet it wasn’t even a dad who did this. Mrs. D saw a lovely young woman – like she never was. She sounds like a jealous ugly old biddy. At my old Christian school we had a woman who charged herself with monitoring the door to catch girls coming in with “inappropriate” clothing. Same tall, curvey, lovely girls seemed to get caught every day.

    • Mary Hornaday

      OH the misogyny to assume it is the jealous, “ugly old baddy” that is to blame.

    • Origami_Isopod

      Ah, yes. Let’s fight misogyny with more misogyny! Idiot.

  • Ed Selby

    I’m a guy. I’m a middle-aged guy. I’m a father, a brother, a son, a husband, and an uncle. Clare, you looked absolutely wonderful in the pictures you posted. Your face and hair are classic beauty, and, as mentioned in other posts, your date looks like he managed to channel an equivalent level of classic good looks to match you. By your own admission, I would have looked twice – maybe even thrice – when you walked into the room.

    Looking twice – or three times – is not the same as “ogling”. To be fair, we have no idea what the dads in the balcony were looking at or talking about. There is nothing in this article to indicate that the males – boys and men – at this prom did anything untoward or inappropriate.

    The unfortunate events that unfolded here were not the doings of men. It was a band of women who objected to Clare’s beauty, and who didn’t have the “balls” to stand up to Mrs. D(ictator). This isn’t “fuck the patriarchy”. This is “fuck the matriarchy”.

    • GregFromCos

      @Ed – I had the same thought. But at this stage it is simply a conspiracy that “it was all the women”.

      But I know from my growing up this happened several times where it was strictly the women enforcing dress code on young women. It is not out of line with psychology that they would use what ever reason they could come up (real or imagined) as a reason to slut shame, and avoid the personal responsibility of the situation.

    • JuneBelle

      Because they have the women doing the dirty work.

      When is it ever necessary for more than one or two chaperons to be so far removed from the children they are chaperoning? What would be the purpose?

      Yes, these older women derive some sort of benefit from all of this in that they feel a little more secure in their loss of beauty. But they wouldn’t be feeling that way if they had other things and accomplishments to concern themselves with.

      Also, it is the complete trashing of the interpretations of the Bible to falsely favor a certain way of life that just happens to place all power and control in the hands of the old men of the group that informs this behavior.

      (e.g. Matthew 5: “27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

      Lusting is not a sin. Only adultery is. Only married people can commit adultery. Therefore, only married people lusting after another are committing the sin of adultery. Unmarried people lusting after each other are fine, but you wouldn’t know that if you grew up learning the crap that I was taught.)

    • Origami_Isopod

      Hahahaha, yeah, like there’s ever been any such thing as a “matriarchy.”

      Women can support patriarchy. In fact, systems of oppression don’t work without getting the cooperation of at least some of the oppressed people.

      You sound like the type of dude who claims that there can’t be any sexism or misogyny in the media because Cosmopolitan has women editors or some such crap.

  • Pingback: Virginia Teen Removed Form Homeschool Prom Because Men Were Gawking Her

  • Don G.

    Clare, what makes you beautiful is not the shape of your body, or your hair or eyes, or the way that dress looks on you. For me, it is your ability to explain what happened and be aware of the issues behind a “short” dress. Your intellect and understanding of what happened makes you wiser than the bunch of sex-deprived adults that in the name of chaperoning are looking for fantasy material for their private times.

    Thank you for sharing.

  • Eric

    It’s simple. All the parents need to take the prom organizers, the ones not issuing the refunds, to small claims court separately, and then testify for each other. That way these fools have to go to court five separate times. Don’t just ask for the refunds though, demand damages for the costs associated with the dresses, suits, time spent finding the clothing, your hair costs, ect. Make them pay and shut them down.

    Further I’d push to have the disgusting ‘fathers’ publicly named, and identify them for exactly what they are, perverts that get turned on by underage ladies.

    • Woofgang

      Smart idea….should hopefully teach these adult bullies that they can’t get away with this crap!

    • yesterdaysgoddess

      Yes! Bump this up guys

    • Avy C

      Brilliant. Seriously. I feel like you deserve a cookie for this because that would make their lives miserable for at least a little while.

      • Eric

        Are you being sarcastic or serious, for or against my proposal? Might be a bit too early for my mind to be working right.

        • Avy C

          That’s not sarcasm. That’s why I had to throw the “seriously” in there. I hadn’t considered the legal side of things. Being a thorn in their sides would be awesome.

          • Eric

            Ah, thank you! I’m still out of it this morning. :)

    • shaking my head at you

      Well, it’s not perverted to be ATTRACTED to attractive girls.

      It’s perverted to do anything other than SHOVE THAT HUMAN DESIRE DOWN DEEP and be a good social person who isnt a fucking creep. Its okay to think something is sexy as long as your behavior is appropriate for the situation. The behavior appropriate for the men upstairs was to SHUT THEIR OLD-ASS MOUTH. Humans are allowed to think and feel whatever they want, but it’s when their behavior reflects an inner moral failing and lack of discretion, that’s when they start ogling little girls like these perverted church dads.

      • B.Loesch

        I agree with you other than the “perverted church dads” comment. Them being church dads has nothing to do with it. Are you’re saying Christian men are more likely to be perverted than non-Christian men?

        • GamerDarling

          They aren’t more likely to be perverted, but I think it’s fairly well established that religious men are more likely to enforce dress codes on women than non-religious men…and that’s what I think he was really trying to get at here.

      • Eric Anderson

        Perverted Church dads… More like pedophiles that go to church and are allowed to chaperon a school function like a dance to just fuel the fire. Obviously these “Fathers” have some sort of problem. I agree that they, the fathers, Mrs D and anyone else included in this PLOT to kick you out of your prom, should be held accountable in court. Make them pay and oust them for being perverts… don’t forget to mention the word pedophile, as that will definitely draw attention to them and not you.

    • Margaret Gallagher

      Not just the fathers, Mrs. D deserves public scorn as well. What a tool.

    • Matthew St-Germain

      While I don’t agree with the latter part of this—remember, the woman told her that the men said this, but this is a second hand report while you cannot be sure that all of them did this, and shaming an innocent person violates the idea we should be protecting rights rather than harming them, I’m in full support of litigation. With the coverage this is getting, I’m sure there’s a lawyer out there willing to take up the case, and I think there’s a defendable argument that the woman in question did not follow district protocols and that you suffered harms from her violation of those protocols and are due damages for her malfeasance. Now, depending on your local culture, this may make you a pariah but it may also create an important dialogue that would help prevent future occurrences of such behavior.

      • CoolHairLuke

        Matt- your comment that racism can only occur from a majority was utterly insipid…but you are right on with this one…
        Normally, I’m more libertarian when it comes to lawsuits. But sometimes, you can’t put the dookey back in the donkey. In this case, we can”t figure out of it’s racism, lecherous fathers, or jealous wives. But it’s one of the three. Since we can’t have a re-do of the prom? Yeah…a good lawsuit might do wonders

      • RecklessProcess

        Did anyone even see the nasty chaperone woman running up and down the stairs in that brief 15 minutes? Did she have a walkie-talkie to communicate with the men? Why did no men participate in throwing Claire’s group out? I don’t think the fathers even knew what was happening…

    • Jessica Boggs

      Seeing as though the tickets only cost $25, the filing fee for small claims court would exceed the amount they would likely win. The school (or whoever is responsible for the prom) would probably just settle and Clare’s party would just end up losing more money, without causing the responsible parties much, if any, hassle.

      • http://metalfrog.us/ Keith

        You receive your filing and other, reasonable legal fees when you win. She’d break even, which is the point of court: to be made whole.

      • Eric

        I’ve been to small claims, you don’t just demand the $25 in this case, you demand they pay the filing fees. ANYTIME one loses a small claims court case, the loser pays the filing and court fees. Further, READ my WHOLE post, I said, TICKETS, DRESSES, AND ALL OTHER ASSOCIATED COSTS, should be demanded. Therefore you FAIL basic reading comprehension. Must be a homeschool parent.

    • RecklessProcess

      It strikes me as probable that no fathers were actually involved. Just the nasty woman who hated the dress. Sounds more like the matriarchy was the bad actor in this story.

  • Christopher O’Clair

    Clare, I’m truly sorry. I believe that you, your boyfriend, and your entire party were robbed of a wonderful evening (and over a hundred dollars). When older adults treat young adults with disrespect and disdain, they damage their own credibility. Stay true to yourself, and don’t accept the shame for other peoples actions.

  • jessanders

    This is just ridiculous. I apologize for my gender.

    This really comes back to the rape argument. She was raped for being too tall, too short, too hot, too drunk, too dressy. Wear short skirts, you’re at fault. Wear revealing clothes, you’re at fault.

    I’m sorry, but the only people responsible for rape are rapists.

    In this instance, the only people who were acting inappropriately were those who couldn’t help but stare/ogle an underage girl.

    I have two boys, and I’m raising them to understand they are responsible for their own actions. They can’t blame others for the way they behave, no matter the circumstances. If those fathers had been raised in that same way, maybe they would have taken a closer look at themselves and realized that what they were doing wasn’t just creepy, it was disgusting and extremely inappropriate.

    I hope you’re able to get together with your friends and go out and have a good time in another way. Losing your senior prom is a big deal, but the memories with friends are the things you’ll reminisce on in future years. Go out and make those memories away from 40 year old perverts.

    • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

      She wasn’t raped. If she was, I would agree with your argument. But please realize she wasn’t raped. She simply kicked out.

      • Gagarin

        That went over your head, obviously.

        • jessanders

          Glad to see most people are getting it without having to have it spelled out for them.

      • jessanders

        Did you read my entire comment? I merely stated that this is the same principle behind the idea of “rape culture”. I made an analogy, if you will. I’m aware she was not raped, and I’m in no way comparing the act of being kicked out to the act of rape (rape, in my mind, is almost as bad as murder, possibly as bad, possibly worse). The thought process behind blaming her for the men staring at her is the same EXACT thought process behind blaming the victim in rape. The mechanism for this thought is, in my mind, the heart of “rape culture”.

        This isn’t just sexism. This goes way beyond “I’m a man, you’re a woman, so I’m better than you”. This highlights a male dominated society in which men are, essentially, allowed to do what they want and women are held to a much higher standard of behavior. “That’s un-womanly”, “She is a slut for wearing that skirt,” “She’s just ASKING for it wearing that blouse”. Those are statements that are not only said all the time, but are considered okay for daytime television and PG movies (in one variation or another). This is a HUGE problem with society, and we’re ALL pre-programmed by society to have these thoughts, at least somewhat. Even women have those thoughts sometimes.

        It’s just disgusting that it’s 2014, and in some ways, the fight for equality with women is still just as necessary (and the situation just as bad) as it was 50 years ago.

        That was the point I was trying to make without having to actually spell it out word for word.

        • Woofgang

          you made it well, someone just didn’t bother to read your entire comment

          • Cruffler

            Agree completely.

        • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

          I read the entire thing. And I was at the event where this “awful” act occurred. What people need to realize is that this is a private organization run my Christians and if they want to kick someone out because she looks to provocative, then they have every right to do so. The chaperons weren’t ogling over her. They were supposed to stand there and report anything. It isn’t like all the 40 year olds ran to the bathroom to jack off as soon as she walked it. This whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. Sure it sucks that she got kicked out since it was fingertip length but this situation has blown up too much.

          • Gregory

            How could she have looked too provocative if the level of provocativeness, or “inappropriateness”, was supposed to be judged by the length of her dress which was within the given parameters?

            Your organization violated one of it’s own rules at the expense of others….

            But in the end, ya’ll seemed to have taught her and everyone else allot about yourselves… good on ya’

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            Like I said, its a Christian organization that she paid to attend. By purchasing a ticket, she is implying that she is willing to abide to the rules of the people running the prom.

          • Gregory

            The rules, that said private organization broke….

          • IAmLars

            And she did. Your argument doesn’t hold water.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            By following rules means you have to listen to them if they ask you to leave.

          • IAmLars

            So…with your “logic”…they could ask anyone to leave, for no reason, and they must follow it because they are told so by adults? Look, you don’t seem all that bright, but let me help you out here. If someone asks you to leave for breaking a rule that you didn’t actually break, then you aren’t at fault for anything. It’s called common sense.

          • http://impudentgirl.com/ ImpudentGirl

            Her home schooling clearly isn’t working very well.

          • pazzia

            so they could have asked everyone to leave and made quite the profit for the evening? please explain.

          • Kayla Jessen White

            And she did. But that doesn’t mean that they were right in asking her to leave. Look, you’re a kid, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume you don’t know much about your constitution, or human rights legislation, but I will repeat that just because it is a private or religious organization does not mean they are exempt from prosecution for discrimination. Nor does it mean she was automatically in the wrong because she wore a tight dress. She followed the rules, she was kicked out, and it was because they made up rules against her.

          • Lily

            She did abide by the rules! Does the dress code also say something about tightness? No one has brought that up, except you and if you attended the prom, perhaps you can upload the rules so we can see if that’s even a point of contention.

          • Kayla Jessen White

            So…wait. She followed the rules, she was kicked out despite having followed the rules, and you think because it is a private function this is okay? If a rape occurs at a private function, is that okay? How about bullying, abuse, racism? If the KKK holds a private function where they burn an effigy of Obama, are they okay because it’s a private function? The answer is no. It is never, ever okay to belittle, demean, demoralize, gang up on or persecute anybody, regardless of the public or private nature in which it takes place. Period.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            Hold up, they didn’t burn her, rape her, or murder her. They simply asked her to leave. She was wearing a tight dress that could easily slide upwards. I’ve worn similar clothing before and it moves up. She was not being belittled. They seriously just made her leave. They are not breaking any laws by doing this. I was there and witnessed the dress. It was pretty, sure, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t have the tendency to slide and reveal. If she wanted to be treated differently, she should have attended a different prom.

          • Kayla Jessen White

            Actually, by treating her different based on her gender and body, despite following the rules, that’s discrimination, and that *is* against the law. Denying her a witness is also illegal.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            This isn’t based on her gender or body. She simply was wearing a body con and they didn’t think it was appropriate. Were you there? Did you attend this event? Because it sounds like you know nothing about the organization.

          • Kayla Jessen White

            Why wasn’t it appropriate? Because it was tight? Because it was revealing? Did her boobs pop out? You have already stated that she followed the rules. Ergo she was discriminated against.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            This isn’t discrimination. Its a freaking homeschool prom. They chaperons have the right to say it looked too revealing. other girls were called out for inappropriateness too. same with the boys.

          • Kayla Jessen White

            “If she wanted to be treated differently, she should have attended a different prom.” You’re, I’m assuming, a student? Here’s the thing. Human rights law doesn’t stop as soon as you enter a private function. If she wanted to be treated with dignity and respect, she should expect to be treated as such wherever she goes, whether she walks in wearing a tight dress or nothing at all.
            Further, I sure hope you’re not suggesting that Christians (or any religious organization) have the right to discriminate against anybody simply because someone decided to interpret a book that way. Please remember your god hung out with lepers and whores.

          • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

            I wasn’t saying they are allowed to discriminate and you took what I said completely wrong. Of course she should be respected anywhere but at the same time, she should understand that she shouldn’t be wearing a tight dress to this prom. She wasn’t the only one who was called out. My friend was also called out because her top was slightly too revealing. she simply pulled up her dress and was done with it.

          • Lorelai

            So, since you were there, how many other interracial couples were there?

          • Lily

            Finger tip length is finger tip length. She met that test and it looks petty that she was thrown out because it rode up a bit while she was moving. Mrs. D must have been ogling her quite persistently if she noticed the dress ride up a few times.

            Look, either it’s finger tip length or it’s not. If this happened to you and you were kicked out, would you be so ambivalent about it now?

          • Origami_Isopod

            Nice to know that as long as someone isn’t burnt, raped, or murdered, then people treating them poorly is no big deal.

        • http://ya-asylum.com/ Kim

          You said this so well. Bravo.

        • RHIANNON THOMAS

          dear man I dont know on the internet.
          Please go and explain feminism to every man who does not understand it. No need to apologise for your gender. I never see men talking with this much clarity about such issues online (i hardly ever see men say positive things about feminism online).
          Cheers
          R

        • Cassandra

          BRAVO.

      • MsShaynaT

        Yeah you missed the point entirely.

      • Origami_Isopod

        KPM, throughout this thread you are demonstrating quite handily that h0mesk00led kids do not necessarily get any better educated than public-school kids.

        Google the phrase “rape culture,” do a little reading, and then come back to this thread.

  • WVGhostDog

    Maybe this is a prejudice against the Old South, but might you have been kicked out because of your boyfriend? BTW, he and you were both dressed very nicely for a prom. Just a bunch of old racist slavers in the balcony.

    • JuneBelle

      That is prejudice against the South. That might have been the way it used to be, but things change.

      I am from Texas and currently live in the North (temporarily). I am learning all sorts of new slurs I have never heard before and the true meaning of segregation.

      Also, all my Southern black friends who come up north always comment that they are treated worse when they go north (not that things are perfect in the South. It’s just that they express that they can’t wait to come back home where they don’t feel like an outcast).

      All the black/white couples that go north express how horribly they are treated in the the North vs. cities in the South. Those sorts of interracial couples have the stories with the largest disparities in how they are treated in cities in the South (Houston, Orlando) vs. cities in the North (Chicago, Boston). A German girl I knew who was dating a black man in Florida talked about visiting his parents in Chicago and how everyone but his family treated them like they were pariahs.

      Heck. Being mixed myself with Asian, White, and Hispanic, I have experienced an alienation that I have never felt back home. It’s not as bad as it is for those mixed with black and white but still.

      (Georgia might be an exception. I’ve heard some bad things happening in Georgia, but still not worse than things I’ve seen here in the North.)

      • Bill Speidel

        June,

        Texas is a long way from the capital of the old Confederacy. When you live in “The Commonwealth”, the first thing you notice (and one of the first things we were told by both white and African American friends and coworkers when we moved here 10 years ago) is “people stick to their own kind down here.” It may make whites feel good to say we live in a post racial world, but that’s at least another 25 years away.

        It may not be about race in Virginia, but it’s still all about race, except when it’s about race and patriarchy.

        • JuneBelle

          Well…., this is a new one….. Texas isn’t a part of some “traditional” southern institution.

          I don’t know what “The Commonwealth” is (Is it Virginia?). I’ve heard that the eastern portions of Virginia have lost their Southern flare because of their proximity to D.C.

          Still, up here in Ohio, people don’t specifically state that they stick to their own kind, but they will definitely whip the N-word around in private conversations. And it is definitely segregated except specific neighborhoods in the center of their largest city. The racism is just done in private, rather than broadcasted.

          And if you look up the statistics, the most segregated cities are northern ones. And northern schools are far more segregated than anything the South has a comparable example to. That’s just base numbers alone.

      • Origami_Isopod

        Northerner here who agrees that racism is certainly not limited to the South. I think it’s more blatant in the South, but blatant isn’t the whole story. I found out as an adult that I grew up next to at least one sundown town.

  • belladonnalin

    Good for you, both for knowing how fucked up this is and for refusing to let it make you feel bad about yourself.

    This stuff has been happening for decades, but I feel like it’s been ramping up in the last few years. We’re so damn interested in policing the bodies of young women for so many reasons and it’s so, so damaging.

    Also, those grown men need something else to do with their goddamn time.

  • Pingback: ‘Christian’ Homeschool Dads Get Girl Kicked Out of Prom Because They Can’t Stop Lusting After Her | Americans Against the Tea Party

  • jponebythebrook

    The 600 LB Gorilla in the room may be that she was with a young black gentleman as her date. Were there a lot of bi racial couples at the date? If there were then I am wrong and glad to be so. Either way I feel badly for Clare and as a father of 5 daughters I am disgusted by the way she was treated. She sounds like a fine young lady with a bright future. Like many events during the teen years this will be a forgotten memory in the rear view mirror soon enough.

    • Kennedy Paquette Mehfoud

      This isn’t racial. There were tons of biracial couples.

    • JuneBelle

      The people from the North posting here need to understand that the majority of the South has moved on from all that you see portrayed in movies. We are also not like the North. It might be an issue where you live; but that doesn’t mean that it is where we live.

      • jponebythebrook

        I was not making a geographical statement. I live in NC. Racism is everywhere as far as I can tell and certainly knows no boundaries. It would seem to be that I was mistaken on that assumption which I certainly acknowledged as a possibility in my first post. It sounds more likely that like she ran in to some sexually uptight and frustrated adults that decided she was the flavor of the evening to take out their shortcomings on. As mentioned , whatever the reason, she was clearly wronged.

        • JuneBelle

          Sure. I don’t know how it is in all of the South. I just know that racism is definitely more extensive up here than where I’m from. Black friends from down South who go north agree. And bi-racial couples who go north have agreed.
          Heck. There have been extensive studies on the fact that Northern schools and cities are the most segregated in the country. Just do a search on it.

          Plus, there are a lot of homeschool Christians, such as the family I grew up in, that devoutly believe in the equality of the races but not the equality of the genders. So it is definitely not applicable to those kinds of groups, unless the poster says so.

      • Gagarin

        That’s naive. Google ‘first integrated prom’.

    • Karie Ryan Ordway

      I know you mean well dad, but she will never forget this. This did damage and left a scar. Don’t minimize it. What the chaperones did was deliver the message that male privilege dictates what girls can do and when and where they can do it. It also teaches girls that men enjoy exercising this power without regard to anyone’s feelings. Senior Prom is a big deal. Its a huge power trip to allow someone to stay or throw them out. When you deal with your own daughters, please don’t be like those men by deciding for them what they will remember and what they will not, or how much they will be hurt and for how long.

      • Origami_Isopod

        “I know you mean well dad” – assumes facts not in evidence.

        • Karie Ryan Ordway

          “I know you mean well dad” is in reference to his last sentence, “Like many events during the teen years this will be a forgotten memory in the rear view mirror soon enough.” She says she was damaged. He’s decided she won’t be for long. But not for a bad reason. I had parents who always tried to downplay the effects of something bad happening. I know they did it in the hopes that I really would forget about it. But that only caused more pain. So in the end, I had 2 bad memories: one, the event, and two, my parents dismissing the event as causing damage.

  • LizX

    GET GIRL! You are a fierce feminist. I love how this post is written. I can’t wait to see what trails you blaze in college and beyond. Proud to share womanosity with you!

  • koopapoopas

    Kick out the pedophiles, not the kids.

    • shaking my head at you

      I KNOW, RIGHT?

      Xtian hypocrisy at its finest. Victim-blaming. Disgusting practices that have no place in a civilized world.

  • Rodney DeJong III

    I mean I wouldn’t channel M. Monroe…she was a whore lol

    • Origami_Isopod

      WTF is this misogynist shit. Flagging.

  • Richard Mounts

    I’m sorry, and I really don’t mean to be offensive, but as a straight male in his mid-20′s, I don’t find myself “lusting after her” like apparently those men claimed to be. She looks very beautiful, sure, but nothing like a sex object. Her dress is much less revealing than most dresses I’ve seen for prom dances. If these men were really having trouble here, then A) Their wives need to have a talk with them, and B) their wives need to spend more time with them.

    • RC

      Not sure how it’s their wives’ responsibility to make them not lust after young girls..?? Shouldn’t they take responsibility for their own thoughts & actions and deal with it themselves?

    • Origami_Isopod

      “Their wives”? They are grown-ass men. They cannot have become same in this society without understanding at some level that men openly ogling women in public is at best crass, at worst perceivable by the women in question as threatening.

      When we offloading responsibility for men’s behavior onto women in any way we’ll have made some progress.

  • Pingback: Hear, hear, Clare. Keep using your voice. | King of States!

  • Sally

    Badly, rudely handled by the PTB. And as always, placing the
    responsibility for what supposedly adult men think … on women — and
    in this instance, women young enough not to be able to legally drink or
    vote. And teen boys? They think “impure thoughts” about 20 times a
    minute, regardless of what women wear.

    As for the phrase “impure thoughts,” the 1800s called; they want their attitudes back.

  • LauraAkers

    Let’s keep in mind that this is precisely why homeschooling exists to a large extent: so parents (and often their church leaders) do not have to follow the rules that the rest of us, as a majority, have decided upon. If this was a public school prom, public outrage would have fixed the problem almost immediately. But these parents and organizers are accountable to no one but themselves and doubtless are taking pride that we, the unbelievers, are attacking their superior moral stance on the issue. To them it’s persecution of the righteous and they get to see themselves as Christ-like (because having people tell you you’re wrong is just like being crucified).

    Not all religions oppress women, but these is a definite tendency among them to prescribe the behavior of women in order to protect men from sin. Because, obviously, men are not accountable for their own actions.

  • Charles

    You were asked to leave, because your prom date was a different color.

  • L.G. Keltner

    Clare, you look beautiful in these pictures, and I have to say that your boyfriend looks handsome here as well. I hate the idea that women are responsible for the thoughts that men have about us, and it sucks that your prom was ruined because a few adults were incapable of behaving in a mature fashion. At least the group you were with stood by you. Having such good friends by your side can make even the most unjust situations more bearable.

    You did a great job of articulating yourself here, and I like that you admitted to flipping off the security guards. You’re right in admitting that it wasn’t a mature thing to do, but I also have to say this. I’m nearly 30, and as angry as I would have been in your situation, I probably would have done the same thing. It may not be an excuse, but being angry makes perfect sense given the circumstances.

  • Jackson

    really infuriating and disgusting. Here’s an apology on behalf of a bunch of perverts with ‘impure thoughts’ and Y chromosomes. sorry dude.

  • Shar Pei

    I find her dress to be unquestionably classy. Period. Paragraph. I’m so sorry a bunch of jerks ruined her experience.

  • SJDinAudubon

    That b*tch chaperone was far more concerned that you came with a black date, I’m sure. The Partician South is still completely racist, so she was looking to make an example of you.

    • Pam Mason

      My first thought when I saw her BF. Nothing to do with the dress

  • Paul A. Presenza

    “…I was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts…” – sounds like christian hypocrisy at work yet again…
    :=8/

  • Frannie

    It seems to me that the female chaperone was the one with the problem and was just blaming the dads, but who knows what really happened. You are absolutely right that it’s not your job to police other people’s thoughts about your body- you had every right to be there, and it sounds like you did everything right. I hope you get your refunds, and the homeschool prom gets a LOT of negative press.

  • PJ

    dressing like a tart you whore

  • Punchkicker7

    In high school the school secretary pulled me into the office on dress-up day during spirit week and told me my dress was too low cut and would be “distracting” to the male students, (she herself wearing something just as low, if not lower cut). I had to call my mom and tell her to bring me a cover.. my mom was absolutely furious as she had seen and approved the dress that morning. I have larger breasts and pretty much anything I wear will result in cleavage unless I only wear turtle-necks, and I was embarrassed to tears by a grown women telling me I looked like a “slut.” Hang in there Clare, people will try and police you, taunt you and make you feel awful, but it’s just their own insecurities!

  • lastrid

    If those women ywere jealous of their husbands looking at an attractive young woman, they should have told their husbands not to look. Men have a responsibility to not be sleazy and to control their own eyes. I am sorry you were treated in such a manner by men and women who claim (ostensibly) to be Christians. You looked lovely.

  • texassa

    I’m sorry you had to go through this. I admire that you took the actions to speak out and share your story and views. You will be dealt a lot of unfair hands in life because you are a woman; this is – unfortunately – just the first of many. It is women like you standing up for themselves that help to make change happen. I hope you will keep fighting the good fight. At times, you may need to choose your battles. And, as you point out in your blog post, you will earn more credibility when you argue your points calmly and respectfully, even when those same courtesies are not given to you. Thank you for speaking out and remember – the best revenge is living well. Keep it up.

  • Bryan J. Maloney

    Yeah, and the melanin content of her date’s skin had nothing to do with it at all, did it? She was dressed in a very innocent dress, far less provocative than what’s permitted at a lot of proms in public schools. She looked like a very innocent young girl. If those dirty old men were having problems with “impure thoughts”, it was NOT HER FAULT. They should have been down on their knees begging for strength from their Lord to resist these thoughts. But that would require them actually living up to their religious claims instead of sitting back and blaming the world for their problems. Those men are an embarrassment to Christian men, everywhere.

  • http://www.literaryramblings.com/ Jason

    Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Judging by your pics, the dress was pretty tame, even by Puritan American standards. I did notice that your date happened to be ‘of colour’. Do you think this might have played a role in what was going on and that the dress might have been an excuse, or one of two reasons they wanted to remove you? It seems like there are some intersectioanal forms of oppression going on here. If these men are sexist, then it stands to reason they might be guilty of holding prejudices based on perceived race. Given the social climate that is unforgiving or prejudices based on perceived race, they may have come up with another excuse to save face from being accused of racism.

    • joemichaels

      Was thinking the same thing.

  • Shawn

    Clare, I think that your dress looked great and very appropriate, and your boyfriend’s outfit was also pretty classy. Not all adults are as petty as these people. Just keep being who you are so that you don’t end up like them when you become an adult.

  • Tim Keating

    Fantastic! I always enjoy reading about the great missionary work Christians do… for atheism.

  • Allen03

    You forgot the Golden Rule: “The person with the gold gets to make up the rules.” One of many lessons in hypocrisy, arbitrariness and unfairness that we all learn at some point. Yes, adults suck! Fortunately, you are a stronger person today for what you experienced, and better equipped to handle that garbage when it really counts (and it will). Stay as far away from the Mrs D’s of the world as you can, because they aren’t worth your time, and best wishes in all your future endeavors!

  • dagdason

    I think it shows a real lack of maturity on the part of the adult chaperones saying what they did and forcing you out of the dance because of their own personal biases.

    But I also think that your assumption that the “dads” were staring at you or that they were the motivation for “Mrs. D”‘s bad behavior shows your own personal prejudice.

    I support you in your right to dress as you choose and go where you wish without fear of physical harm or bigoted action on the part of others, however your implications concerning your belief as to the musings of the male adults that you had no interactions with is just as incorrect as the behavior of “Mrs. D”.

    If you are going to take the high ground on this issue, you are going to need to address this as it should be; a woman-on-woman act of bigotry. Whether or not “Mrs. D” was the agent provocateur in this incident or acting on her own inclinations can continue to be debated but for pragmatic reasons the imagined thoughts of the “45 year old perverts” need to be removed from the debate.

    Good luck on your continued education and here is to hoping for a better future where all gender bias is eliminated.

  • Angeline Green

    I don’t have a lot to add that hasn’t already been stated. I simply wanted to send along some love and support. As the mother of 10 and 12 year old girls, I can only hope that as a society we begin to evolve our consciousness surrounding women’s bodies and the attitudes about them. As a woman I’ve certainly faced these sorts of issues and been singled out for looking too “sexual”, sometimes even when what I was wearing was more modest than the rest of the females in the group, simply because of my build. I hope the issue was resolved and kudos for standing up for yourself and for not feeling beaten down by a mentality that is clearly wrong.

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  • Me

    If the black guy in the photo was her date………is she really stupid enough to think her dress was the problem they had with her. Wake up, kid, they are racists. It DID happen in VA

    • midwestmomof2

      I think it is a good sign that our youth consider other possibilities rather than automatically assuming that the problem was race. On the other hand, it appears this situation was definitely, sadly about race…

  • Tristan

    Seriously, this got me pissed… Don’t worry, Gizmodo shared this story (and probably reddit too). You will most likely get tons of help now!

    Good Luck!

  • john

    I don’t see anything risquè and you aren’t someone who looks like you’ve developed early for them to lust over you.. so either 1. Its a race issue being your boyfriend is black, or 2. Something more personal, or 3. These dads are a bunch of pedophiles. I’m sure and hopeful that’s not it. One thing I do have to say is the grammatical errors in this article are atrocious. Young people today SHOULD know the differences between “then” and “than”. I think that upset me more THAN the article itself. I want to see an educated youth. Regardless of sex or race. That’s how we make progress.

    • Zippy

      4) ALL OF THE ABOVE

    • PJ

      Are you serious? Your very first item contains a very similar error. You SHOULD have written “It’s,” rather than “Its.” What a grammar hypocrite!

    • Rebecca

      Sure, grammar is important, but I sincerely believe your priorities are out of whack.

      • john

        I would say the same to you. What’s more important. The youth intelligence level or one single night being ruined by some jerks. If anything that one night is a life lesson to this girl because in adult life you will face these types of people daily. Speaking on your emotions on an intellectual level will gain more people on your side to help defend your cause. If you can’t do that, I see that as the greater fault.

        • Porst

          Pick your battles, john. Grammar is a FAR lesser issue than this. Also, your accent on “risqué” is the wrong way, your capitalization is inconsistent, and you spell “Its” without an apostrophe.

          • john

            Relying from a phone. Even our phones don’t know how to punctuate nowadays… And my phone says nowadays is one word.

          • john

            I’m not writing an article looking for anyone’s support either. Big difference.

          • Porst

            You also weren’t the victim of misogyny and social injustice, and people who have been don’t always edit themselves when they’re passionate about getting a message out. What I suggest you do is write an article on some other blog about the importance of grammar education, since it’s apparently a bigger injustice to you than the one this article is about.

        • Rebecca

          A simple grammatical error in an otherwise well-articulated post such as this is nothing compared to the kind of bull-shit with which this girl, and many girls worldwide, have had to, and continue to have to, deal.

      • john

        If the article detailed an honor student doing everything right in this same scenario, How much more publicity would this kick up.

        • Rebecca

          How do you know she’s not an honour student?
          As someone who was a phenomenal student in high school, but also developed very early and had very large breasts, I can assure you that being book-smart and well-spoken does not defend a woman from being treated inappropriately.

        • PJ

          You have a grammatical error in YOUR post, John! “Its a race issue…” should actually read, “IT’S a race issue…” Sometimes, people do know the correct usage, but there’s a little thing called a typo. Get over yourself.

    • Conuly

      Guys, guys, guys. Let’s get down to brass tacks here.

      john doesn’t understand that names get capitals, and is completely ignorant of the difference between grammar and spelling. I declare his entire string of comments wrong and invalid based on that information alone.

  • Suzanne Byrer-Tidrow

    I would share this story with every single classmate at your school and organize an anti-prom that’s not affiliated with the school. If they’re going to do a shitty job organizing a school function, then the students should organize it themselves. Make sure they know why you’re doing, what you hope to accomplish and have fun. Personally I thought your dress was very cute and what I wore to my prom was WAY worse than your dress, cleavage and length wise. As awful as this sounds, you and your parents need to file a formal complaint with your school and school board against the woman who screwed with you about your dress. If you say dresses need to be finger tip length, then your not allowed to go back on the rule because someone’s arms are not long enough. That’s what measuring tape is for. That’s a battle that you’ll have to decide if it’s worth fighting but filing a formal complaint in writing with your school board will at least make them aware that that teacher is a problem and should not be chaperoning events. Also make a complaint that you were uncomfortable with the male chaperones in the balcony. This prom sounds like something out of a Catholic High School nightmare.

  • whatthehuh

    i have a question—how many other girls (or guys) were part of a mixed race couple? i wonder if that had anything to do with it. i hate to toss the race card on the table, but it might explain that good ol’ boy mentality. it is richmond after all, for gods sake.

  • whatthehuh

    (and by the way—you are beautiful, and your guy is adorable!!)

  • flufftronix

    I just read what was probably one of the parent’s replies on Gawker, and then this. You should take solace not only in being right, but also in being infinitely more well-spoken and mature than the troglodytes who kicked you out. Props.

  • GinaRD

    Found your post via Calah Alexander’s blog. I’m sorry to read about what you went through, Clare. It was unfair and wrong. I hope you’re doing okay.

  • CerealGirl

    I would wear the same things as my high school classmates, but is often get called out for violating dress code. I’m 5′ 11″, thin, and had a big rack. Just because we’re built sexy doesn’t mean we should “grandma” ourselves up.

  • Fred D

    Short hair on a young girl, a black date, a miniskirt looking dress, at a conservative homeschool event. Theres a billion reasons she could of got kicked out. What if the balcony was full of racist dads gawking at the girl because of her date? How do you know? You just pick the subject you want. The haircut gives you away.

    • midwestmomof2

      Bad grammar and no class, Fred D. The haircut? Really? Please get mental health assistance ASAP!

    • Lily

      The haircut gives her away as what?

      As a girl with short hair?

      • Fred D

        As not a normal young emotionally healthy girl.

      • Fred D

        Google “Girls with short hair are damaged” from returnofkings. I’m not the only one that has thought this in recent years.

  • D. Rose

    Agreed! They should have gone home to play with themselves while you all had a great time. Really Ridiculous.

  • dadpool

    Clare, you looked absolutely stunning and your dress was gorgeous. That you and your friends had to pay because of some gross old dudes and a prudish teacher is shameful; I’m so sorry you had to deal with that bullshit. Big-ass girls represent.

  • James Campbell

    I guess homeschooling doesn’t make for smarter kids. It’s amazing how many people don’t know the difference in “then” and “than.”

    • Rebecca

      THAT’S your contribution to this discussion? How petty.

  • Aurora Schnorrealis

    Is there anyone we can contact to support and advocate for the refund and public apology? This kind of bullshit (excuse my language) really frustrates me, and I want to help stand against it.

  • joemichaels

    If I was HALF the man I used to be, I’d take a FLAME THROWER to this place and burn it to the ground! (<– Use a loud, raspy Al Pacino-voice for this.)

  • LLort

    Who Cares Im glad she got kicked out, welcome to the real world. Shit happens, only this new generation cant handle it and cry about it on the internets. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.

    Whining on the internet doesn’t build character.

  • Rebekah Nicole Hall

    Clare I personally believe what the people at the home school prom did was completely uncalled for. I for one saw your dress and thought it was beautiful and didn’t go against the rules. This year was my second year attending this prom and my first year my dress was shorter than yours but it had a see through train that was connected at the waist. I had the train wrapped up at my hips and my dress became shorter than what it was before. Plus all through that time I was grinding and dancing provocatively as well. Many adults saw me but did nothing! This year my dress was mid thigh but because I have a larger sized chest than most girls my age and I even ended up falling out of my dress on multiple occasions. I had different parents and even my friends told me and I fixed it! I’m surprised that I didn’t even get a warning to get kicked out! If any one should have been kicked out it should have been me! I even stopped multiple times to talk and say hello to the person who put the prom together and yet she never said anything about my breasts and dress! I find that the prom committed is bias and are only blinded by some of their “beliefs”. Now I’m a Christian don’t get me wrong but I saw no wrongs in what you did and believe that you should have never been kick out! I’m on your side and I’m disappointed in the homeschool prom committee and how they view things! They should take into account that every single person has a different body type and so the dresses will be different fits than to another person! I hope though that in the future you would have a better time at prom! :)

  • Mary Evans Arnold

    It’s Richmond. The Old South still lives and breathes there. As I was reading the story and got to the photo of them in the car I knew immediately the real reason she was asked to leave was most likely because the adult men had a problem with her escort. Having witnessed the desegregation efforts in the 60′s in Richmond as a young adult I can say that the private segregated schools experienced booming enrollment….and still do. The concept of homeschooling is a wonderful one however there is a prevalent population who home school because they don’t want their children in an urban school environment complete with a diverse cultural student body. The dress and the dancing was simple a smokescreen for a sad…make that very sad…cultural stigma. Shame shame…shame on them. A lovely couple who wanted to have the time of their lives instead had to do battle when cultural insensitivity reared it’s ugly head. Isn’t fair. Clare….your dress was stunning! Now go contact the ACLU and make some BIG noise that that Mrs. D. will have to pay attention to!

    • midwestmomof2

      I believe you are correct. I wonder if there was any other people of color at this prom?

  • https://www.facebook.com/PinkLilith1982 pinklilith

    You’re beautiful and intelligent – to people like them, you are terrifying.

  • Jordan Hill

    Clare I totally agree with you . How ridiculous … I think that you looked beautiful and appropriately dressed . They should of kicked the “Chaperones” out for being pervs!

  • Mila

    I saw this story on Gawker and I was ANGRY because a relative who told me they like my graduation dress that hits just above the knee, told me I looked like a slut and not to wear it anymore after I sat down and it rose to reveal my MID-THIGH.

    They didn’t show your face but the fingertip test pic you took but I clicked on the link and after seeing you and your boyfriend, I knew exactly what the REAL problem was!

    I’m a black girl and I would give you MY view. I really don’t think it was because they were ogling at you in that dress….you are pretty but nothing to ogle over. I think it was because your date is BLACK and they felt very uncomfortable watching you grinding on him…sad but TRUE. You are a very tall blonde white girl with a short (but appropriate) dress dancing on a black guy. They noticed! I doubt they would have kicked you out if your date were a white guy or better yet if YOU were a black girl. This is waaay worst and you AND your boyfriend deserve and apology!

  • Victor Dweck

    Dispicable. Someone in the area should organize a flash mob protest outside the school calling for the termination of this Mrs. D.

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  • Keir

    I hate the idea of being “too provocative”. If a girl wants to wear something that shows off her body, that’s not something to be offended or upset by. I don’t know why we have this strange culture of hiding away our bodies. If you want to look attractive, awesome.

  • artillicous

    For Clare: As a dad I can say, Your a pretty young woman (non sexual way mind you) and as they said 20+ years ago, you clean up good (meaning your a classy dresser, that’s a good thing take notes lol), but as a guy, I must just be getting old, I don’t see the sexual appeal at all these other fathers saw. Not at all (as I said your Pretty but I just don’t see it). But oh well, keep staying independent of these folks and you’ll do alright in the world. Be strong!. FYI: I’ve seen shorter dresses worn on women for bars,dances, and such and that’s by far not a seductive one. As I said its classy.

  • emilemon limebrook

    Aww really? You were dressed especially tastefully, in my opinion! It’s so WRONG for them to blame you for their thoughts. Far too many people still think it’s a woman’s fault if she’s “too attractive”. This has terrifying parallels with the line of thinking that it’s a woman’s fault for being “too sexy” if she’s sexually harrassed or abused. You shouldn’t even have to justify what you wore on the grounds of “preventing impure thoughts”, no one ever should. So backwards. Keep fighting – you’re clearly an intelligent and spirited woman – someday you’ll make waves. :)

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  • midwestmomof2

    Ditch the fake Christians, Clare, and stick with people who treat you respectfully!

  • Porst

    There’s no way the dads were complaining about it. Someone overheard them making perverted remarks about an underage girl and spun it as though they wanted her out because they might make “young men” think so-called impure thoughts. Sure, young men…the young men those old men wish they still were so they could “have” a girl like that. Clare, your maturity shines through in this piece, and I’m glad a younger generation of strong women isn’t taking crap from the idiotic patriarchy who thinks they can control a woman just because she has a body part they like. I apologize for my gender (yet again). Some of us are respectful, and I wish all the bad apples didn’t spoil the bunch, but the fact of the matter is, it often seems like more apples are spoiled than not.

  • ClalaFile

    This may be petty, but if you have a graduation ceremony, wear that dress under your gown and soon as you commence and the ceremony is over walk around with just the dress on. Maybe you could convince your very loyal friends to join you. This is just a suggestion, personally I did the same thing when I graduated and wore a dress that I preformed in a choir concert in (that a huge group of girls said I looked like a hooker in- it was knee length, not very tight, and moderately higher cut in chest) and the moment the ceremony was over I took off my gown and walked right by the group. They’re faces were worth it. But that’s just what I would do, you seem like a more even tempered person than I am.

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  • Cruffler

    The behavior shown by the dance “officials” is almost as insulting to the males as it is to the females. The same judgmental attitude that blames women for “enticing” men simultaneously demeans men as beings that cannot control their (allegedly) baser instincts.

  • fractalsphere

    reading this whole thing is very frustrating – if I were a parent or chaperone at this particular dance I would have stuck up for you. But then, I find myself at odds with many of the ridiculous school rules, “zero tolerance” policies and rigid nature of the administrators in charge.

  • Sadie

    I grew up in the exact same type of culture, and the one thing I’d love to say to Clare is I am SO PROUD of you for standing up, for speaking out – hell, just for recognizing there was a problem. So many girls are brought up through this idiotic type of “purity” movement and never even break free enough to recognize how abusive and enabling of rape culture it is. They accept the shame and blame and guilt and you didn’t. You used your brain, thought for yourself, didn’t allow the brainwashing to work and you are amazing. Hugs from a Purity/Quiverfull/Christian homeschool Goddard ATIA fringe patriarchal cult etc etc etc survivor. You go, girl!

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  • Guest

    Maybe it was because your date was non-white. If it really was the horn-dog middle-age dudes, they’d want you around for a while. Where was this, Jesustan?
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_v5ujgdGRN5c/SWGa4vIVz0I/AAAAAAAAABE/g7fPl14taKA/s400/USCW2010.JPG

  • Michael Hunt

    Maybe it was because your date was non-white. If it really was the horn-dog middle-age dudes, they’d want you around for a while. Where was this, Jesustan?

  • Bernice Frona

    It never changes, does it?

  • cradav

    It may have less to do with race than with the way her dress fit. On one hand, we tell girls to be proud of their bodies, whatever they look like – tall, short, thick, skinny. While, on the other hand, people tend to be inconsistent about their standards around what they deem acceptable – and that varies on how different bodies may look in the same dress. Whether you’re an ogling father with impure thoughts or an uncomfortable (threatened) mother, you don’t have the right to set a different standard for her. I really hope she can go to another prom this year…

  • LollieShopping

    From what I can see, the dress, the hair, and the makeup are all age appropriate. It sounds like Clare was was singled out from the get-go. Perhaps she was too happy. Perhaps she was too fun-loving. Perhaps she was too confident, pretty and pleasant, and the miserable ones just couldn’t take it. Sometimes, very miserable people try to spread their misery onto others. I am so sorry this happened to you, Clare. The best thing you can do is increase the volume of your happiness, light, and smiles, and that will be the best revenge.

  • Sara Jane Cannon

    It sounds like your only crime was being tall and looking good! I am so, so sorry this happened to you, and I am also very proud and inspired by your post. I’m sure other young women will be as well. Thank you for being a voice for clarity and common sense!

  • Xerophyte

    Ugh, that’s awful. Your story reminds me of how girls just can’t win no matter what we wear. In middle school, much to my horror, I developed huge breasts while staying pretty skinny. Suddenly all my old clothing looked “provocative” on me, and I have never been comfortable with guys looking at me in a sexual way — especially not when I was 11 years old. So, this being the 90s, I decided to adopt the TLC look — baggy, brightly colored clothes — minus the condoms that Left Eye wore, of course! The hatred and ridicule I received was incredible and came from both kids and adults. After a few years I wound up just wearing what most of the other girls wore, except then I was always viewed as some rampant whore because of how my body was built.

    It started again after college and when I entered the workplace — for the longest time it seemed that no matter what I wore, I would get talked to for it because you can always tell I have breasts unless I’m wearing an astronaut suit or something. Luckily, I now have the highest-paying and most secure job I’ve ever had, and nobody here gives a crap because they’re all smart and decent enough to know that my body isn’t public property. But to this day I have body image issues, and it horrifies me to see how today’s adults are continuing to fail children in situations like this.

  • Brittany Forbes

    I remember in school a girl yelled out across the room that my cleavage made her uncomfortable. If I was smaller-chested, it probably wouldn’t be a problem. Also, I have a sensory issue with t-shirts being too high. A standard t-shirt is to high a neckline for me. And people never listen to that “sensory issue” part (sexism and ableism double-whammy, wow!)

  • Jim Fisher

    This daddy would raise hell at a daughter that bought a dress that showed more than millimeter of skin–and would inevitably lose the argument.

    This daddy would smash the face of any dad who kicked her out of a prom for being too beautiful.

    That is all.

  • Delaney

    You should drag it out in court.

  • Beth Tully

    You are gorgeous, your boyfriend is adorbs, and while there many people in the homeschool community who are not religious nutjobs that element is there and I guess those are the type of grown men who want to hang out at Prom.

  • http://www.hdtvtest.co.uk/ David Mackenzie

    Fuck dress codes, fuck them right in the ear. Especially when they’re used in this way.

  • Slippers McEwan

    I’ve read this story and now the blog, I’m the age to be a father to a daughter in that peer group, Clare you looked beautiful and classy in the prom dress. is that not what a prom dress is supposed to do? Make the young ladies feel beautiful classy and elegant for a night? ( why should they not feel that everyday but thats another discussion) The dress was not too short. I wokred in a Catholic school where the girls have kilts consistently shorter than that on a daily basis We were always sending them to the office to get a slip to allow them out of class so they could adjust their uniforms.

    The bottom line is this being in the age bracket of the dads who felt uncomfortable it seems to me that we had a bunch of dirty perverts who used Clare as an excuse to hide their inability to do what was required rather than lustily ogle a teenage girl. I find it disgusting that men my age are ogling girls my neice’s age. I attend college and just finished my freshmen year again and being surrounded by lovely young attractive ladies I never once felt like I had the need to ogle them. I never felt threatened by what they wore. So I can’t understand why you were victimized here.

    My advice to you Clare….keep up the good fight and don’t give in to a bunch of prudes who can’t keep their inner Kevin Spacey to themselves ( American Beauty)

  • Avy C

    I’m a bit late but wow. I dealt with the same thing since I was 12 years old (5’8″ tall, all legs and a C cup) and it was traumatic. Traumatic is almost an understatement when grown men are following you and calling you a “lyin hoe” for saying you can’t give out your number because you’re 12. Anyway, I’m glad you’re doing okay and had a good outlet to kind of reaffirm that you’re not alone and most people are reasonable enough to agree that the prom adults were clearly in the wrong.

  • Bill O’Neil

    I don’t know who Mrs. D is but I would be willing to bet that she is 5 foot 2 and weighs about 200lbs. Most likely jealous her husband would rather eye F high school girls than sleep with her. Solution. Kick out Clare.

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  • Claire

    I might be wrong, but I don’t think you were kicked out because of your dress or anything, but because your boyfriend is black. To me it looks more like good old racism… That’s what seemed inappropriate to those ignorant idiots, a mixed race couple.
    You and your date are adorable together, don’t let these old geezers make you feel uncomfortable.

  • Jana Barry

    My Daughters dress to her 8th grade formal was about two fingers above her knees and looked MUCH shorter – those women were plain old jealous — Clare you are a gorgeous girl – I am so sorry that this happened and you had to be exposed to such overt bigotry

  • Margaret Gallagher

    This is so wrong on so many levels, I can’t find the words. You looked gorgeous, Clare and totally appropriate. Those adults behaved in a deplorable manner and Mrs. D was the worst. How dare she do that to you? She is a horrible person to embarrass a young girl in this manner and certainly didn’t behave like a Christian. I am sorry this happened, but perhaps other Christian homeschoolers will learn from this.

  • CoffinSyrup

    People just couldn’t resist the urge to hijack this story and spin it into a race issue. Not everything is race related.

  • valdaredfern

    You look lovely (and classy). And if that boy in the picture was your date, then you must have made a stunning couple. I admire you for having had the intelligence, confidence and courage to stand up for yourself and your friends. More impressive still is that you rejected the unearned guilt that *adults* – who are supposed to set good examples to young people – imposed on you.

  • Amanda Deal

    Argghhh… I’m so mad, this is about the 5th story I’ve heard that is similar to this, just in the last month or so. Absolutely disgusting, wow, I am so mad for you!! Another reason why our society is so screwed up. Of course it’s us as women, our fault that men oogle and stare…

  • Katina Cooper

    Only one thing to do. Sue each father and the woman for emotional distress. The payment? They hold another prom. Those adults pay for everything, including dresses and tux for the boys. Anyone who doesn’t show up, the adults pay $1,000.00 per student. They want to treat you like a harlot? Show them in court what a harlot will do to them.

  • Tom in U City

    I will admit to qualifying on some occasions as a dirty minded old man. It is my problem. However, I do not see anything particularly tempting about the dress shown.. Are you sure the dress is not just the excuse to remove the biracial couple in the capital of the Confederacy?

  • Candlefly

    Don’t be fooled by their phony reasons, this was pure racism, their bigotry got the best of them.

  • Guest

    LMAO, why are so many fools quick to call out “racism” ? Her dress was too short, end of story…

    • IAmLars

      Except that it wasn’t. It was up to par of the rules. And, in no way, was a revealing dress. Go out to the bars sometime to see some revealing dresses.

    • Lily

      Finger tip length is finger tip length. There’s no ambiguity there.

  • Dea

    This is so far beyond ridiculous I can’t even think straight!
    Where are the pictures of the perverted, pedophile father’s who should be publicly shamed for not being able to keep their dirty minds out from behind their trouser zippers so as to watch their own children and their kid’s friends enjoy one of the most exciting events of their educational experience!
    Every single chaperone at that dance owes this young lady an apology! Especially the woman who chose to lay blame at the feet of a child instead of where it belongs…
    directly on the shoulders of the Richmond Home School’s Dirty Old Man Club!
    #shame #Shame #SHAMEONYOU

  • charlotte

    She is not even hot enough to be lusted after. Those dads are weird.

    • Amanda Deal

      & you are ignorant.. =)

  • Mike Trout

    Real men have self-control and self-discipline. I’m married. I may glance at other women in dressed, skirts, whatever. But the only female body that is capable of distracting me is my wife’s body. I read this article and I am appalled at the incredible lack of self-control and discipline demonstrated by the “men” in your experience. Honestly, I don’t even see them as men. Male humans, yes, but I wouldn’t respect them as men. I pity their sons for being raised by such sorry figures. And the women who are married to these men are equally pathetic, which is why they targeted you for being happy.

    There are many people like this in the world, and it saddens me that you experienced this on a night that was supposed to be a romantic night, a happy night, for you and your boyfriend. In the future, ignore these people, for they are beneath you and only try to bring misery to you for they themselves are miserable.

  • C Jones

    If you wish to complain directly, prom organizers can be reached at marygosh90@gmail.com. I sent an email to express my disgust at their actions, I urge you to do the same. They need to learn that it is utterly unacceptable to teach a young girl to be ashamed of her body. The fact that educators and parents are the ones corrupting these young minds with the slut-shaming rape culture that exists in the United States depresses me beyond belief. It’s not her or her dress that’s the problem here, it’s them. They are sending a message to the students and the community that a young girl who follows the rules can be punished for a male’s actual or potentially sexist thoughts. I urged them to rethink their decision to punish Clare and their decision to not refund her friends’ tickets as well.

  • EqualForALL

    Not everything can be blamed on or be consider patriarchy. Yes the dads were perverted and that is wrong and THEY should have been asked to leave. They shouldnt have been there in the first place, noone should being oogled or singled out for any reason. the woman who kicked you out is wrong, because she had no reason to do so BUT i hate when people blame ANYTHING and EVERYTHING on some sort of shadow patriarchy.

  • Brittany Keith

    100% support you Clare. Stick to your guns girl and I hope you get a chance you go celebrate like you should have been able to.

  • Babylonandon

    I’d venture to guess the REAL reason for the boot wasn’t the dress. She showed up with a black boyfriend … this was all camouflage for a racial issue. It is Virginia, ya know.

  • IAmLars

    It is definitely a problem within a patriarchal society for men to search out any sort of blame for women. Whether it be sexual harassment, rape, or “impure thoughts,” generations of males are taught from an early age what a “slut” is, what they look like, and what they want. Obviously, males are taught this much more subliminally through friends, media, etc. Unfortunately, there are never enough parents to step up and use common sense approaches to teaching males the problem with gender discrimination.

    You did nothing wrong. You know that. And it’s good that you are able to develop that sort of autonomy and stand up for yourself. Never lose that.

  • Kevin Deisher

    It is ridiculous that probably one horny adult male chaperone got excited and pointed you out to his friends. He probably made some inappropriate comments to his similarly disgusting horny friends. One person probably overheard them and took the matter into their hands. You did nothing wrong Clare. It is idiots who think of nothing but sex all the time that are the problem. In reality they were probably sad to see you go because their fantasy object was taken away. Be strong in who you are and don’t let idiots who objectify you bring you down. I would however, go back to the Richmond Homeschool group and demand that they pay for your dress, which met code but for which you were unjustly harassed. Thank God you are wrapping up your time with that moronic group. I’m just sad you had to be subjected to that level of idiocy. Keep your chin up. You are better than them.

  • Supercapital

    100% support here.

  • Erika

    Hi, I’m a Richmond public school art teacher and I just wanted to say I totally support your sister Clare!!!! Please tell her I am so proud of her for sharing her story! We need young girls to voice their concern for the inequality that still exists in our world. I went through exactly the same bullshit when I was her age, and it breaks my heart whenever I hear of adults still pulling this nonsense. When I was in highschool, I too was tall for my age, had a nice body, a big butt, and when I wore skirts that were “fingertip length” I would be pulled out of class or stopped in the hallway so they could lecture me and check the length of my clothes. It is totally unfair that girls are treated like they committed a crime for their physical proportions. It breaks my heart that this is still going on in today’s schools- and at your own prom! In my case it wasn’t really the men who lectured me and slut shamed me for my clothes, it was actually older female teachers/faculty. Both men and women blame girls for their own perversions and insecurities and that is MESSED UP! Women especially need to stick together on this one. Keep being you girl, and know that you have my support. :)

  • http://www.wineandmarble.com/ Hännah

    I will be deleting all comments with the coordinator’s contact information. Please do not harass her. Reasons for this can be found in the update post. Thank you.

  • mike jones

    why does she keep telling me about the size of her derriere?
    also, buttaface

  • irees

    I’ve seen more provocative dresses at my prom.

  • Pencils

    Clare, I hope my little girl grows up to be as intelligent, forthright, and beautiful as you. You did exactly the right thing; the only way to prevent this sort

  • Victoria

    Clare, I’m so sorry for what happened because it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right, especially from men who should’ve been protective and respectful, rather than distasteful. Don’t let them shame you or dim your bright light. You are made for great things.

  • Litterbox

    TL;DR the whole thing, but essentially, sue the crap out of them.

  • k._.k

    Clare, you’re a great writer and an excellent analyst. You’re also not as specifically proportioned width-wise as you think you are. You or whomever did your hair and makeup are incredibly talented. You looked amazing. Good canvas, and great brushwork. :)

    As for the individuals (hey, there could have been closeted lesbian moms, folks) who caused your prom to end early, they lead pitiable, confused lives. I’m further saddened that those people are raising teenagers. You had to put up with them on a really important night. Those other kids are being homeschooled by these perverted individuals.

    All the best as you go onto college, Clare. You and your friends can look forward to some of the best times yet. Just be careful. When I was an RA, the homeschooled kids were some of the smartest and nicest folks I got to meet. But a lot of the people you meet in college are as backwards as the parents from prom; they just also happen to be drinking and can make passes with no social stigma. My guess, though, is that you’ll have a good group of friends and make the campus a better place by just being there. Thank you for writing about your experience. I’m so proud of you, and I don’t even know you.

  • Pencils

    Clare, I hope my daughter grows up to be as intelligent, forthright, and beautiful as you. You did the right thing, the only way to change our patriarchal society is by speaking out and shaming people for their unacceptable (or even illegal) behavior. I do, however, suspect that part of the issue was the race of your boyfriend.

    You are going to go far in life and I wish you the best.

  • livvie21

    The pervy dad’s should’ve been kicked out. Sorry your senior prom was ruined by adults who should know better.

  • Me

    Dam they need to get the old men out of there. It not your fault that they can’t get any at home. I would have gave them something to look at and then told them to kiss it.

  • Justine

    Great article. I hope you receive retribution for this terrible treatment. At least you have spread the message across the world (I’m from the Netherlands), because I think this is a perfect example of why feminism is still very necessary. Thank you for taking the time to write it down. Let’s hope there will be a time when we don’t have to fear our daughters will be held responsible for the unjust responses, thoughts and/or actions of creepy men. (your post is a step in the right direction)

  • ObservationDeckMember

    Why are middle aged men “watching” teenagers dance? How inappropriate is that? There seem to be an awful lot of men who cannot control themselves sexually, or accept responsibility for their own sexual responses. I don’t think these men should be holding public office or in any position of authority. Surely, if you can’t make it through the day without your penis disrupting you and those around you, you’re not suitable to be out and about. These men need to be kept home, cooking supper for their families, where they belong. Let people who are mature enough to pass by an attractive person without becoming distracted and abusive handle the running of things.

  • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com cheekypinky

    You are adorable in that adorable dress, and I am so deeply sorry this happened to you. I hope you receive the apologies you so justly deserve, and if you don’t, that you’ll be able to rise above this noise.

    Best of luck with finals week!

  • chanohack

    I’m sorry that this happened to you, but really glad we get to hear you talk about it, because I love what you have to say.

  • Erin

    I feel Claire’s pain. Legit. I was enrolled in a Homeschool Co-op through high school, and I often had problems with “dress codes”. I wore a dress that was a good 2 inches past my finger tips but with my 6′ foot frame and chunky wedge heels I was pulled aside and told to change. I protested that I was well within the given dress code rules. And that MY MOTHER (a fairly conservative catholic) had let me out of the house, and wouldnt have if I had been disobeying any of the dress rules. They tried to force me to leave the school premises dressed like i was. Finally a sweet teacher pulled me aside and told me that they were just singling me out because they disliked me, she had went out and bought me leggings and had called my mom to tell her I was being picked on. My mother (to her credit) then took photos of me in my outfit that afternoon when I got home and chewed some heads at my school the next week, waiving my picture demanding to know why they had selected me to be picked on. No one had an answer for her. And they threatened to not allow me to prom if more of an issue was made O.o

  • Danielle Sonnenberg

    thank you so much for having the courage to speak about this issue. Thank you for being brave. I write about this topic.. check it out.. I think you would like. blog.daniellesonnenberg.com.
    Cheers to you for being brave, for not letting other people get the best of you and for being so articulate.

  • Robert Scott McKnight

    Those of us that are capable of using “The Big Head” for thinking find idiots like these “Fathers” unacceptable. I applaud you for not hiding your smarts either. Dual enrollment is a hard thing to pull off. You should be proud that you can do that. This was clearly sexism, and, I think, racism as well. The fact that you were singled out suggests that they were trying to hide the racism to me behind a glaring wall of sexism. As you said, at 5’9″, you are going to be leggy in a dress…any dress. BTW, based on the pictures shown, you look lovely. I, personally, don’t see anything inappropriate about that dress for such an event.

  • nathan bellah

    I thought you looked very classy and super duper pretty. I am most upset that you will remember your prom as creepy.

  • halo81

    Researched it further. I’m a white guy. Tell you a story dear. My junior year of high school I started dating the most beautiful girl in our entire high school, a sophomore transfer who was 5-foot-11 and had the body of a 22-year old woman. 999 students in our school and she was the only black student. I live in Pennsylvania. I was called n-lover for 2 years which for this conversation’s sake we won’t go into the repercussions, but nothing was done by the administration. I handled it my way.

    The first time my parents saw her my father almost fell over. My mother’s eyes were so big she looked like a deer in headlights. Knowing that my family had never spoken a racist word in their lives even behind our walls, I was shocked. When my girlfriend excused herself to use the bathroom I angrily confronted my parents to find out my mother was mad at my father because he “had his tongue on the floor like a horny schoolboy” and my mother thought she looked “like Phylicia Rashad was rebuilt perfect by God”. Hahaha!!! In other words, my parents had never seen me bring home a girl that looked like a grown woman already.

    She wore an elegant dress to my junior prom. Very complementary of her natural curves. There was no twerking or grinding. All we did was slowdance. We were asked to leave. This was 1995.

    The reason we were given was because of her dress as well, which came down to her ankles and covered her entire breasts.

    The real reason? This goofy white dude was dating a beautiful black woman in front of a bunch of close-minded idiots that couldn’t take it. So, I took her elsewhere, cranked up my radio and we slowdanced by ourselves. Had more fun there anyway.

    Screw your high school.

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      999 students in our school and she was the only black student.
      -
      Which also added the “exotic beauty” effect.
      -
      Screw your high school.
      -
      In my experience, that goes for American High Schools in general.

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  • Michael G

    Everything about your sister’s post is directly on point; the frustration, the indignation and the outrage. I suspect the ‘adults’ at that prom have forged by fire a woman who will help change the world. More power to her.

  • Kathy Mora

    How sad that you had to go through that. Those dads are disgusting perverts that had no business being chaperons. Most likely they were just there to check out the young girls…makes me sick to my stomach.

  • Kylie Weisenborn

    You looked great, Clare! I think they way overreacted in the first place because that dress looks perfectly modest to me. It’s not like you walked in with your butt cheeks hanging out. You followed their stupid rule and when they still weren’t satisfied they made excuses to make you leave. Also, that’s totally creeptastic that the parents watch from the balcony rather than chaperoning from down on the floor, keeping it in their pants is their problem, not yours. Keep doing what you’re doing, you know what’s up. :)

  • http://guthrieinator.tumblr.com Kayla Guthrie

    I think the problem is that growing up women are told to cover up so guys can’t think dirty about them, instead of telling women to cover up so guys dont think of them as objects, lets teach guys to respect females and to see them as equals. im not saying that we have the right to dress slutty but like at my school our dress code says 2 inches above the knee, guys are wearing shorts shorter than that and if a girl wears something even knee length we get called out, its May for christs sake its hot outside if theyll at least make it to where our dress code is finger tip length ill be a-ok. we just need equality because it is America. Clare Im so proud of you for taking a stand. kudos to you :)

  • Spork

    I don’t know why you keep insisting that the dads were talking about boning you. Based on your story, it was the dads who suggested you get kicked out. I cannot imagine why they would want you to be kicked out if they were enjoying what they were seeing.

  • Red Hots Burlesque

    “I was told that the way I dressed and moved my body was causing men to
    think inappropriately about me, implying that it is my responsibility to
    control other people’s thoughts and drives,” Clare writes in her blog post.
    “I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after
    me because I have a sparkly dress on and a big ass for a teenager. And
    if you think I am, then maybe you’re part of the problem.” This is a beautiful strong and powerful FEMINIST statement. Don’t ever stop saying this.
    Dottie Lux, Red Hots Burlesque, San Francisco

  • Nthis

    I went to a fairly conservative high school and female students would be on the “borderline” of dress codes or even break dress codes every once in a while and no one would go crazy over it. No one would get in trouble and it didn’t cause any disruption. And, at proms, there’d be plenty of females who would dress similar to this young woman. Again, no one would see any problem with it.

    What i think is being attributed to the “patriarchy” is missing the target. Like trying to punch a ghost. The problem is the lack of gentlemen and having a respect for females. It’s the modern, pseudo-liberal culture we have in this nation right now that’s a big cause of these sorts of reactions. And, yes, a bit of political correctness and zero-tolerance too.

    It’s like in the past ten years or so this nation has moved backwards, especially when it comes to overzealous “authority” and others policing conduct instead of conducting themselves in a better manner. That’s what needs to change…

  • SandyTodd

    That is one of the most modest prom dresses I have ever seen and I am 56 years old.

    • LeSigh

      LOL, come on. You don’t have to lie. Her story has merit without you saying that, and you know prom dresses are usually long.

      • SRoss56

        Um, no, they’re not, and haven’t been for quite some time. My own daughter wore a cocktail length Betsey Johnson dress to her prom and that was eight years ago. Most of the girls wore cocktail length dresses, AAMOF. And if you’d read the entire piece, you can see that many girls at this prom were wearing short dresses — shorter than Clare’s.

        • LeSigh

          Oh man, you’re right! I must be totally out of touch! I mean, Betsey Johnson…Ooh la la!

      • theloushe

        In the early ’90s we wore bubble hems and short & slinky sequins. Long dresses were totally not the norm then. Fashions come and go. Each person attending prom should wear whatever feels special and dressy to him or her, within the guidelines provided (in this case, fingertip-length).

        Don’t people have better things to do than police other people’s clothing choices?

        • LeSigh

          LOL. You’re right, I’m totally policing her clothing choices. I don’t care what she wore. I just found it absurd that a commenter would say that was one of the most modest prom dresses she’d ever seen. Some prom dresses may show more, but lots also show less than the one pictured here. As I said, her story has merit regardless of what she wore. I just thought the comment was funny.

      • SandyTodd

        Not on the west coast. This is a very modest dress here. Nobody would bat an eye at this dress. Southern people need to get over their 1850s mindest. So sick of it.

        • LeSigh

          Who says I’m southern?

        • LeSigh

          I heart ignorant, elitist statements. :)

        • Lily

          Yay, west coast!

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  • Megan

    So I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me but I have to be honest. It sounds like she was being belligerent and that’s what ultimately got her kicked out. The dress BARELY meets the dress code and frankly, it’s a formal dance. That dress is nowhere near formal length, it’s something you would wear to a nightclub. We’re only getting her side of this but it still sounds like she and all of her friends were rude to the authorities at the school and the dress probably rode up if she moved whatsoever. Sounds like a big deal made about nothing. She should have chosen an appropriate dress. People from my school were kicked out for wearing jeans and other inappropriate garments, and nobody screamed PATRIARCHY, WAH!

    Sorry about your prom, but you executed poor judgement and there were consequences. This has nothing to do with “slut shaming,” this has everything to do with failure to dress appropriately for the occasion. F-o-r-m-a-l, not n-i-g-h-t-c-l-u-b. And moreover, if you “flip off” the people in charge they aren’t going to take you seriously.

    • unefaux

      Honestly? She was probably being slightly belligerent. I remember high school–it really wasn’t that long ago–and high schoolers fucking suck. However, your opinion is completely inane. “Barely meets the dress code?” What the fuck does that mean? There is no gray area here. One either adheres to the dress code, or they don’t. If it meets the dress code, people can wear whatever the hell they want. The fact that you find it appropriate to wear only to nightclub means absolutely nothing. I don’t usually make assumptions about people I don’t know, but I’m willing to bet it’s been a very, very long time since you were in high school. Because, if you think that her dress is inappropriate, then proms nationwide would all be cancelled forever, because every girl would be kicked out.

      • Megan

        Actually, I’m only 21. That’s not a formal dress.

        • Kylie Weisenborn

          I’m 19 and I disagree. That would be considered formal to my high school. I guess the word formal is different to different people.

          • Megan

            Guess so…my highschool was very clear on this one, formal attire or no entry.

          • Conuly

            Looks plenty formal to me.

            And they already allowed her in. You can’t do takebacks.

          • SRoss56

            Also, wearing shorter formal dresses to proms has been trending for some time now. “Formal” doesn’t necessarily mean long. It can even mean pants. Out here in grownupland, a woman can wear an Armani tux cut for a woman and it’s strictly formal.

    • Kylie Weisenborn

      It doesn’t matter what she wore, that doesn’t give those adults the right to disrespect her or to tell her she is responsible for other people’s thoughts. Also, I’m pretty sure things didn’t get belligerent until those adults were already making them leave the dance. If they thought that was not the type of dress appropriate for the occasion, they should’ve stated it beforehand. As she said, she was willing to follow their rules and it’s not her fault they were not clear about it. You are saying she made a bad choice and it was therefore her fault that other people treated her like garbage. That is exactly what slut shaming is.

      • Megan

        I’m saying that she was belligerent and chose to wear an informal dress to a formal occasion, and so the school was within it’s rights to kick her out or deny her entry. I’m not saying that because of the dress she wore she deserves to be slut shamed or targeted by creepy old men.

        • Lily

          Maybe you haven’t been to a prom in quite some time? She’s wearing a cocktail dress which would work for prom. It may not be the dress you would have chosen, but it was appropriate for the occasion. “Formal” doesn’t mean floor length.

    • SRoss56

      Gee, Megan, sorry Clare is prettier than you….oh wait…no, I’m not.

      • Megan

        “You may not agree with a woman, but to criticize her appearance — as opposed to her ideas or actions — isn’t doing anyone any favors, least of all you. Insulting a woman’s looks when they have nothing to do with the issue at hand implies a lack of comprehension on your part, an inability to engage in high-level thinking. You may think she’s ugly, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.”
        ― Erin Gloria Ryan

        Sorry, not sorry ;)

    • Lily

      Finger tip length is finger tip length. The rule doesn’t say 10 inches below fingertip length, or must be “formal length.” She didn’t break this rule. Try again, Megan.

  • Angela Williams

    I am sorry this happened to you. Our daughter had an almost identical experience. I wish I had done more.

  • carly romeo

    Hi there,
    As countless others have said, it completely sucks that this happened to you Clare! However, based on your writing and all-around badassery, I wanted to let you know about a summer program called The Feminist Intensive which is a three-day conference in NYC where you meet tons of feminists doing amazing work around a bunch of different feminist issues, among them young women’s empowerment/fighting back against this kind of bullsh*t. You can check it out online here: http://www.soapboxinc.com/feminist-intensive/

    I work for Soapbox but I’m actually based here in Richmond so if you want to ask any questions, let me know! I’d love to buy you coffee.

    Carly
    carly@soapboxinc.com

  • Spork

    I think you are whiney.
    Look, if I invited you to a party of mine and I decided I didn’t want
    you there, I would kick you out and no amount of bitching by you would change
    that. You do not have a human right to go to homeschool prom. That said, I do not think they were being
    fair and I think the reason they kicked you out was your date is black. They
    kept saying the dress is short and then you kept saying “it meets the
    guidelines” and they had nothing else to say because if they said your date is
    black and the dads are pissed off about it, they might get sued.

    • SRoss56

      This wasn’t a private party (and even if it was, the behavior of the adults would still have been exceedingly rude). It was a paid event and she complied by the stated rule RE dress.

      They should sue — for the ticket fees, for the clothing costs, transporation, flowers, etc.

      • Shiraz

        oh PLEASE. Suing over this would make her more annoying than the people who kicked her out in the first place. Waa waa wa.

        • SRoss56

          Well, people would think twice about randomly enforcing rules they interpreted through their personal lens. And the fathers in question would be subpoenad and their names would be public record.

  • Amanda Jarvis

    Clare, you look gorgeous and modest! I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and exposing the ridiculousness you were subjected to. As a former homeschooler, I salute you.

  • Donovan Faber

    i think small claims court deserves a visit.

  • kassi novello

    Hi Clare! Reading your post shows such confidence, such ‘Girl Power’ and such common sense that I think I love The Clare Homeschool experience! You must have a pretty smart mom or someone in your life who has made sure you weren’t raised in a culture of shame. I hope this is not a racial issue. I’m hoping you have a very integrated homeschool network. If not, well, good for you not holding onto Southern stereotypes. I tend to trust your initial instinct about all the creepy ‘slut shaming adult behavior. I am sorry you had to experience such a humiliating experience, but actually, you came out a rock star because you spoke truth to power. I hope you go on to do great things because you are a smart girl. Keep standing up for yourself & don’t let them shame you ever!

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  • Rob Atkinson

    In the UK the lecherous men wouldn’t of even been there. Sounds like you were at a homeschool prom for muslim extremists. Greek Philosophers from 2000 years ago wouldn’t of blamed you for what goes on in mens minds and they’re old fashioned.

  • Hope Beaulieu

    Clare, I feel so bad for what happened to you. I am from Virginia and I am ashamed that a Virginian would act this way. Mrs. D was wrong and ruined what is supposed to be the best night of your young life. As far as what I can tell from your story you handled the situation as you should have. Most adults that I know would not have done so well, or held their composure as you did. It goes to show that just because someone is an adult it doesn’t mean they are mature. As far as this having to do with Christianity??? I don’t think it does. Many Christians may be stuck up snobs, but there are many that are not. I think that Mrs D and the “perverted” men let the devil take hold of them. Good luck with finals. I hope that your graduation is much better. P.S. You looked beautiful.

  • unefaux

    ITT: people talking out of their asses.

  • SRoss56

    Clare, take your finals and move on to conquer the world. Those men sound seriously creepy and, frankly, the only lesson they got across to me was that men who’ve been married for a while are always on the prowl for someone new. I doubt the boys at the dance thought anything impure at all. I think it was those men — those very married, very creepy, very inappropriate men. You’re better than them, and you have your entire life ahead of you. Theirs is pretty much over. Which is why they were tempted by your youth and vitality. The only people who should be seriously offended and seriously worried are their wives because now they know their own husbands can’t be trusted.

    ETA: You are way more mature than I — I’d have keyed some cars on the way out. That’s the way we Jersey girls roll…

  • Tigress

    TBH, it sounds like Ms. D had it out for you, because you initially challenged her authority. I’m willing to bet no one really complained and she was just claiming someone did to give her an excuse to kick you out. The refusal to let you speak to the person in charge was particularly telling that Ms. D was on a power trip.

    • Guy Faulkes

      I’m inclined to agree with this theory. It’s Cruella DeVille’s doing. She invented the “horny dads with uncontrolled erections” as a straw man for her own argument.

  • john396

    I’m with Tigress, don’t believe anything Ms D said, who knows what was really going on. But I would go to whoever is in charge over Ms D, and if you were my daughter, I would be right there with you to demand answers.

    Good luck…

  • taavon

    she got a big booty so i call her big booty

  • Smiley Face :D

    Me personally, I do think the dress is a tad bit short for a 17-year-old, but she still looked very pretty. The black guy in the pic looked pretty clean, too. Besides, I’ve seen a whole lot worse at college Halloween parties.

    But anyway, I find it a bit ridiculous that a group of dads would be staring at the ass of a 17-year-old. You wouldn’t catch me dead doing that and I turn 23 this year. What makes it worse is she’s around the same age as their own daughters (assuming any of the men had daughters). I would hope that if you have a daughter yourself, you’d know better than to lust over any woman’s ass because I highly doubt they’d be OK with someone their age doing the same to their own daughters.

    • SRoss56

      I just hope all their wives read this story, lol.

      • Smiley Face :D

        lmao right? Imagine that conversation.

        “Oh my husband isn’t a pervert! Right honey? ………….right?”

  • HerGuyWednesday

    What an awful experience for this young woman and her friends, and shame on the adults and how they handled the situation (a situation they created themselves). All the best to you Clare, at 17 you’re already more mature than the ‘adults’ you had to deal with.

  • Rachael

    Clare, you are amazing. Fight the good fight.

  • http://www.GONINERS.com/ Kristine

    Hello to Sharia Law. It’s all the woman’s fault. Weak, uncontrollable men. They should all be ashamed.

    Has there been any statement by the organizers of this event?

  • syrenz_ink

    I wish you had used phone to video what had happened. Nothing teaches a lesson better than a viral video. Its a mirror for them to see their actions as others do.

  • jerry

    Honi soit qui mal y pense.

    • Claire

      Honni ;)

  • Dan Bennett

    When you hang with homeschoolers, you get homeschool on you. What happened to this young woman was outrageous, but how surprised should we be that someone encountered conservative intolerance at a homeschool prom?

    (Also, when you’re homeschooled, you apparently confuse “then” and “than.” :P)

    • Salieri2

      “(Also, when you’re homeschooled, you apparently confuse “then” and “than.” :P)”

      Dick move.

      • Dan Bennett

        You’re probably right. My filters are flawed.

      • Dan Bennett

        You’re probably right. My filters are flawed.

      • Dan Bennett

        I keep trying to reply to this, and my reply keeps disappearing. I just said you’re probably right, and my filters are flawed, and hell — I knew what she meant, of course. My distaste for homeschooling got the better of me.

        • Salieri2

          Well said.

          (I see 3 replies. Disqus is really not always a force for good, is it?)

          • Dan Bennett

            Heh. Apparently it’s occasionally evil, yes.

  • liminalx

    Clare, continue to channel your inner Marilyn Monroe she was years ahead of her time intellectually, a progressive humanist. Hard lesson, but I wonder to what extent dating interracially prompted the ire of the horny old goats watching from the balconies.

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  • Guest

    More like channeling your inner Paris Hilton. That isn’t a prom dress it is what Juila Roberts wore when Richard Gear picked her up on Hollywood Blvd.

  • Matt

    I’m so sorry that Clare was subjected to this. I applaud her for publicly calling out those responsible.
    I do have a question: What is the meaning of the term “fingertip length”? I Googled it and couldn’t find a definition.

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  • Sidwidder

    Oh RVA.

  • jmnpjn

    I’m a guy, she looks like a slut. Congrats to the prom people for trying to clean up the crowd.

    • Claire

      Do you feel like a big man now, slut shaming an intelligent seventeen year old girl from behind your keyboard?

      • jmnpjn

        I’m old enough to know better. I don’t like women in Bikinis, either.

        • Guy Faulkes

          Move to Iran or Saudi Arabia then. You’d fit right in, jerkoff.

        • Claire

          The combination of those comments and that moustache makes me certain you do not, and will not have a girlfriend. I mean, you can shave, but the personality’s going to take a lot more work, so good luck with that.

    • hourglass1

      i’m a guy and you look like a slut!

    • rtanen

      She met all the rules on how to be dressed. If there is something she can change that you personally feel she should have changed, she is still in the right because she did what she was instructed to do. She does not have to read the mind of the rule-writer. If there is something she can’t easily control (general body shape, for example) about her appearance that you think she should have changed, you are the person who needs to change your opinion, because she is not responsible for putting in lots of effort to appease random commenters online.

      • jmnpjn

        Yep, I’m random! You all will do as you please, see you in eternity.

        • rtanen

          No matter who’s right, that won’t happen. If I’m right, there’s no afterlife. If you’re right, then I’m going to hell. If the Unitarian Universalists are right and we all eventually go to heaven, I won’t run into you there because then it wouldn’t be heaven for me (or probably for you either). The only real way we could see each other in the afterlife is if everyone gets a neither strongly pleasant nor awful afterlife, which no religion around seems to be offering (correct me if I’m wrong on this one).

          • Conuly

            Ancient Greeks.

        • Guy Faulkes

          From your picture, you look like a child molester. Or a porn movie director. Take your self-righteous sanctimonious bigotry and perverted morality with you back to the hole you crawled out of and seal it off, scumbag.

    • jeangenie

      I’m a woman, you look like a douchebag.

    • Kae Oz

      I’m a girl, you sound like a woman blaming ass who never learned to control his own penis.
      50 yrs ago, it would have been her knees showing that made her a “slut”. 90yrs, her ankles. Before that, it was the hands, so women had to wear gloves. Before that, it was the devil in her eyes, so women wore veiled hats and didn’t look men in the eyes or they were wanton women. Before that, it was their flowing hair, so they wore robes and head covers.
      Hetero men like women. They get turned on by whatever they form they can make out. That is nature. And we have to finally get beyond our lame ass history of blaming women in any way we can and teach men to take responsibility for their sexual hungers just as they do their food hunger.

      • jmnpjn

        My, what a lady you are.

        • Matthew Hawkins

          I get the feeling that Kae probably doesn’t care about the nomenclature lady and what you think of her.

          But she is certainly a better person than you.

    • Anthony Hobbs

      Please explain exactly WHY she “looks like a slut”? Did you even read the entire article?
      Hmmm, you look like a creepy stalker. Maybe you should be put in jail because of the way you look?! We’d just be trying to clean up society after all.
      Moron!

    • Corrina Northcott

      Can I have a water and vinegar for this douche bag?

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  • Kae Oz

    You look dazzling. And your date looks devilishly dapper. I hope you guys get to do a take-two and take these gorgeous looks out on the town some night.
    …and your school should pay for it.

  • theo j. williams

    Clare, I thought you looked great, and you were very tastefully dressed. That handsome young gent you attended with (i.e.,The Black Guy) was most likely the REAL cause of someone’s discomfiture. How pathetic their behavior was, both the older lady in charge AND the dads acting as ‘chaperones’. What probably fries them all at this point is that you so obviously see through such lame behavior. Don’t let ‘em get you down, please!

  • hourglass1

    great looking couple …

  • BreeW

    I admire your strength. I homeschool my kids and hope my daughter is never objectified by men the way you were. I know you’ll overcome this and move on. Good luck to you! Thank you for having the courage to speak up!

  • Kae Oz

    I just hope these dads were properly shamed. They are the adults in the room. If they were not given a proper upbringing to control their erections around rooms full or young boys and girls, they should have excused themselves. Disgusting behavior for the ones who are supposed to be your guardians for the night.

  • Haggie

    Haters gonna hate.

  • theloushe

    Clare, I applaud you for taking a stand for what’s right. You are a strong woman and I would be proud to stand beside you and fight the patriarchy! I hope that the adults in charge of the prom are able to admit their mistakes and do the right thing (apologize, refund your friends’ tickets, and create clear policies that are adequately and respectfully communicated and fairly enforced).

    How awful that even after you clearly outlined what’s wrong with the way you were treated, many commenters chose not to think about how they see women, but to slut-shame you instead. There’s a lot of work to be done to break down the cultural barriers re: age and gender here. :(

    (And that dress? CUTE. I wish had had one like it when I was 17! Hope you get to wear it again soon, with a better outcome.)

  • Catherine Fitz

    You look lovely in the pictures. You and your date look great. Love the earrings! I love that your selfies are a little self conscious.

    I’m sorry that you weren’t able to enjoy your prom, and I am disgusted by the reason you weren’t. Thank you for speaking out about what happened to you. It’s not acceptable.

  • Kimberly Brooks Rodriquez

    I think her dress is far from immodest…She looks very nice… She was not the problem

  • Mickey M Howg

    Her hands are down her skin is covered and why the heck would they let men stand on the balcony to watch a dance even the most conservative dress from the top like that could be showing cleavage, I think the adults in this situation are wrong and should not be allowed to leer at young people from a balcony. Good for you young people for standing up for yourself and if they asked her to leave and offered refunds then that should be the end of it

  • http://scallywagandvagabond.com/ scallywag

    Is it any wonder misogynism is perpetrated and woven into the fabric of every day culture when you even have other women arguing that it is the display of a woman’s ‘robust sexuality’ which is what is getting her into trouble, when in fact it’s society’s loaded interpretation of what a woman’s body stands for- sex, 24/7 gotcha …..disposable, cheap, accessible and always for the taking.

    http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2014/05/richmond-homeschool-prom-attendee-ejected-because-she-was-causing-dads-to-think-impure-thoughts/

  • muzette

    How many teenage boys don’t think “impure thoughts” at that age? And pretending it’s the girl’s fault for what a boy (or anyone else) thinks is ludicrous. And the fact that it was some of the male parent chaperones having issues keeping their thoughts “pure” around a 17 yr old girl says much more about them than it does her. Perhaps they should be more careful who they let around teenage girls under the guise of chaperones.

  • Corrina Northcott

    OH NO! Your ankles AND knees are showing!!!!!! Scandal.
    I am so sorry such a wonderful night was ruined for you honey. *HUGS*

  • Eric Stolz

    Sounds like Mrs D needs more D in her V

  • Dan Bennett

    I can’t help thinking the title of this piece is inaccurate. “Fuck the Patriarchy” places the blame squarely on men…but Mrs. D is not a man. The unnamed chaperon who stood by Mrs. D was not a man. This was an outrage perpetrated on a young woman by older women, not by men. That makes it all the more sad, but maybe the article should be called “Fuck the Matriarchy.”

    • Guy Faulkes

      You’re right, that it’s Mrs. D who’s the villain in this story. But to be fair, her warped perspective and prudish attitude is a result of the Christian patriarchal culture that is so prevalent in that part of the country (Bible Belt). In conservative Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia, many women are used as morality enforcers. They’re just brainwashed by the dominant gender that ultimately runs the show.

    • http://hipsterconservative.com Holgrave

      I think patriarchy has something to do with this. But it is significant that the aggressors in this situation were women and the ones who beat up your sister at school in the other situation were girls–in both cases with reference to real or perceived misbehavior on the part of the men/boys.

    • http://llwch.tumblr.com Vera

      lol, Patriarchy is a social system, not the whole of men… and yes women can be misogynists too…

    • Conuly

      When we talk about things like “the patriarchy” or “institutionalized racism”, we aren’t blaming individuals. The blame here is not “on men” but on a system that values their perspective and opinions more, and that penalizes women. Both men and women can participate in this system.

    • Stev84

      Older women who grew up with the same fundamentalist religious, misogynistic ideology. Or ones who internalized it later in life. Either way they are just doing the work of the male leaders.

  • Amanda Finnbogason

    I’m sorry your night and your friend’s night was spoiled by ignorant people love! It disgusts me when older people treat young people like they’re the problem, which is exactly how you were treated. I am 29 and still am treated this way (granted I look about 5 years younger than I am to most ppl), though I have a daughter and own my own home. There are so many things wrong with this story concerning women, I could go on forever!
    You looked stunning, btw!

  • Jillian W

    “Your looks and your body and how you dress doesn’t get to define whether or not you’re beautiful” …. This entire post is the reflection of a smart, well adjusted, comfortable-in-her-own-skin teenager who is wise beyond her years. It is obvious why you are proud of your sister. I am a perfect stranger and have overwhleming admiration for the inspired thoughts she shared. Something tells me that Clare will do many more remarkable things in her life.

    Mrs.D on the other hand… Disgraceful. We live in a time where a mere 4% of women consistently feel good about themselves. Four percent…. Now I know there are alternative thoughts as to the motive behind Clare, her date and friends being evicted from their HS Prom however I am only focused on what was said and the reasons given….
    We blame media for our modern perception of external beauty- I blame individuals like Mrs. D. The type of people who like to hold well adjusted, comfortable-in their-own-skin people underwater with their narrow views and verbal rhetoric.

    On behalf of the world I would like to say I am sorry, Mrs. D. We know you weren’t always an energy sucking vampire, one conversation with a toddler will tell you that no one is actually born with those views or the desire to knock someone on their ass with their words. No, those people are created. So to whoever, whatever, however you were created- I am sorry. I am certain your views were established over a lifetime of disappointment and criticism and I am sorry you feel the need to perpetuate that behavior.

    I happen to work in an industry and for a company that this very topic; the idea of beauty, changing the perception of beauty, is common discussion… As women, still to this day, we have enough against us and enough holding us back. We will have plenty of opportunities to be turned away and hear to the word no and to have our outfits criticized … Our High School prom should not be one of them. Confident women, well adjusted women, comfortable-in-their-own-skin women whether they feel this way for a moment or a year or a lifetime need to be celebrated. Our self assured moments are often our best moments and we all deserve to experience as many of these moments as often as possible without someone shaming you for doing so.

    Clare- you are absolutely right, your looks and your body and how you dress doesn’t get to define whether or not you’re beautiful. In life you can’t always control the things that happen to you but you can always control how you respond- your response is what makes you beautiful.

    I would love to contribute to a prom re-do for you and your friends and I am certain there are many more people like me out there… How can we make this happen?

  • George Ranks

    Thats the dress I’ve been reading about all over the internet? LOL. I was expecting something so much worse. Although I completely sympathize with you Hannah, I’m surprised that you expected better treatment from a bunch of religious fanatics at a homeschool prom. I’ve heard much worse stories from these “christian” events from my friends who were home schooled. A lot of the people who organize these events are members of some very strange christian cult groups.

  • mbtmbtmbt

    Love this well written post.

  • http://frankgenebeck.blogspot.com Frank Beck

    I’m sorry you had to go through this, Clare. You suffered because some adults are ashamed of their sexuality – not yours. It’s unfortunate that they aren’t capable of self-reflection. But don’t let them warp you into their way of thinking. Sexuality is part of a healthy life. After all, if sex didn’t exist, those troublesome adults wouldn’t either.

  • Kyle Wilson

    The entire point of chaperones is to prevent problematic situations at the prom, not to cause them. this event is a rite of passage that most teens go through. preventing one such teen from being allowed to have that experience be a good one is disgusting. Every person has a will. every person makes a choice. but no one should have the right to disregard your will, based on their own opinions, and make choices about things that arent their problem. dress was appropriate length. Female staff was clearly an issue, whether jealous, or opinionated, she is in the wrong. the fathers need to be penalized for their disgusting actions, and not only should Clare get a formal apology, the school should have to provide compensation for emotional damages, and slanderous mistreatment of this lovely young woman’s identity.

  • Chris Addison

    I’ve been to Richmond. Won’t go twice because I agree with Mila about what the actual problem is.

    For what it’s worth, I’ll say as the 42 year old father of a curvy little girl (OK ok young woman I just don’t have to like it), you’ve done nothing wrong. Fuck school. School sucks.

  • NickC

    I’m so sorry for the crazy BS behavior of adolescent adults but Clare, you are rocking some awesome hair!

  • KaNuri

    Honey….It wasn’t the dress, it was the Black boyfriend. You’re a pretty blonde showing up to a home school prom that was probably predominately White, with a young Black male. They were staring at you all night because of that. Not the dress. Welcome to 2014 where sadly these feelings still exist, especially within your community. You got your first taste of racism. Keep dating Black boys and the “patriarch” won’t be so subtle the next time… Sad but true. Good luck!

    • Thurston S

      Doubt that is the case. Nothing in her account to indicate that… If anything, the fact that the boyfriend stayed and debated with one of the chaperones while she was escorted out would indicate that he was not perceived as a problem. As to the implication that religious homeschoolers are inherently racist, many of them start overseas missionary work in young adulthood and, while maintaining a narrow view of morality, have a broader view of race relations than most other Americans. As a result, they probably have more than their fair share of interracial marriages ( but not inter-faith, mind you).

      You have no idea of the racial make of the homeschoolers in that area or of the chaperones. Baptists are heavily African American and also often homeschool. Not saying black baptists often homeschool, just that you are the one now judging others and you haven’t got a shred of evidence to support your opinion.

  • https://www.facebook.com/this.charming.girl79 cherry darling

    Yeah. I got to picture number two and realized immediately what their problem was. It’s not just a patriachary we are dealing with. It’s a colonialist (white racist) patriarchy. And fuck it all the more so.

  • Shadow Spring

    Wow. Late to the conversation, but Hannah is amazing! Tell the world your story. It needs to be told. Great job!

  • melissa

    So, a lot of people are commenting on the race of the boyfriend… when I saw the picture, I thought “oh her boyfriend is black” but would not have thought that was part of the issue. And, yes, she is pretty, but nothing too serious. And the dress was just fine. I thought it was just pure stupidity from adults.

  • Dre Hannah

    terrible, grown men acting like clowns as usual

  • J.W. Swift

    I’m very sorry that this happened to you, Clare. Please know that you are a wonderful, strong young woman who is going to do very well for herself.

  • Hannah Creque

    when I was in high school the Sadie Hawkins dance my junior year had no more than 50 students in attendance because girls and their dates kept getting sent home because the girls were wearing very short and tight spandex shorts. The exact same spandex shorts that the women’s volleyball team (of which many of these girls were members) wore as part of their uniforms. It pissed me off to no end that the school would not only dictate what we, as female students, wore, but when we got to where it. Clare, stay angry. The state of the world for women should make everyone angry. And, seeing as you sound like an intelligent and thoughtful young women, stay vocal. And rock your sparkly dress and red lipstick, because if you feel good, the what other people think or say shouldn’t matter.

  • snarkylicious

    You looked beautiful, your date was handsome and at the end of the day, the bigots and haters will still be themselves. Dust them off and go live your life. They’re not worth troubling yourself over except to shame them and get your damned refunds.

  • http://www.fark.com/ Two Wolves

    Same problem the majority of Muslim men have. It’s all the fault of the ladies and not them. Turn themselves into victims. Freaking religious fundies need to find an island so the rest of the planet doesn’t tempt them.

  • GeneralSoreness

    So because a bunch of horny old dudes couldn’t keep it together, she couldn’t participate in one of the most special nights of her life… good job school people!…

  • Mia

    Theres people up here bring up legal age of consent limits in some places are 17. thats entirely irrelevant to this. those fathers that were complaining, have students there, at that dance, that are the same age as her – for a father to be looking at her in that way is completely inappropriate. period. the point is, she wanted to go out with her friends and enjoy her time for an event that she paid for with out unwanted attention to her body. she took time to respect the dress code guide lines and for those men to have the control to kick her out is insult to injury. girls relationship with their bodies is already difficult in highschool – i cant imagine how much more difficult it is when youre 5’9 and have an ass like that. good for her and her friends for standing up for what right.

  • happythoughts413

    It’s so heartening to see the number of teenaged girls calling people out when they deserve it. You’re a truly admirable kid, and I wish I’d been half as cool as you when I was seventeen.

  • Kevin P

    I gotta say, I’m a black man and read this story via Crooks and Liars. I was furious reading it, that men would be so….basic, , and started to really think about what religion does to the mind, but when I scrolled down and saw her boyfriend, the real cause of her being kicked out was evident. This has an even more profound effect on the mind than religion in some. Bottom line: Sshe is a very cute white girl with a boyfriend that happened to be of color. That is more than enough to set some “men” off, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the woman who kicked them out had the same feelings as well.

    • Matthew Hawkins

      I am not a black man, but I thought the same thing.

  • Phil

    You’re beautiful, and you have really good friends. You’ll find another event to dress up for and have a blast!

  • Eugene Debs

    Ridiculous.

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  • Stephanie McCoy

    There was nothing wrong with your dress! I see what most girls wear to prom these days, and yours was very tasteful. Not crazy cleavage, and not too short. What is wrong with them that they can speak to a young lady like that? They were very wrong.

  • mist42nz

    sue

  • http://monnsqueak.typepad.com Monica

    You both look fabulous, and excited, and happy, and ALL the things you should be at the prom. I’m sorry this was sullied by a few ridiculous people who make being young and gorgeous into something dirty. I hope you get many opportunities to go and rock that dress at a bunch of places where you will be celebrated and not judged. x

  • CoolHairLuke

    So here are the choices:
    A) Racism
    B) Lecherous dad’s
    C) Jealous mom’s
    D) Hot 17-year-old.
    E) All of the above.

    If this were a test, I’d go with E)

  • Sarah T

    Sexism and racism.

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  • Jason The Sane

    How many Dads are at this prom?

  • Matthew Hawkins

    Dear Clare,

    If you want to feel good about yourself go to Wonkette.com.

  • Victor Riley

    I’m so sorry to hear you went through that… it shouldn’t have happened to you. And I am *endlessly* creeped out by all the “dads” that were ogling you. (How would they know you were inspiring “impure thoughts” unless they themselves were getting erections?)

    You’re very articulate and intelligent… you have spoken well for yourself. Brava to you! With individuals like you and your friends, I feel hopeful that we can one day lay the Patriarchy to rest… maybe even in my lifetime. :) Good on ya!

  • Nunya Bizness

    I think this young lady needs to grow up. Girls are being kidnapped & sold into slavery & all sheis worried about with her potty mouth & poor attitude is her dress & who is ogling her. This is a ‘homeschool’ dance not public school. Parents are more religious/conservative – it is to be expected. If you want to do what you want, then don’t go to their dance. Problem solved. Sick of whiny teens.

    • Victor Riley

      No one is arguing about girls being kidnapped & sold into slavery. That has nothing to do with this conversation. You are just minimizing someone’s experience of being treated with disrespect and inappropriate behavior. Sure there are other people who are fighting for their lives… but it doesn’t change what happened to Clare. It doesn’t make the attitudes she witnessed any less insulting.

      Don’t try to bring up comparisons that have nothing to do with the issue. That just makes you a bully, and a self-righteous one at that.

    • Matthew Hawkins

      She is 17, maybe she shouldn’t have to worry about all the problems in the world yet. Maybe she should only have to worry about her senior prom right now.

      And she was treated poorly.

  • Roxxy

    It’s ridiculous that y’all are trying to gain publicity with this. I’m sorry but its very hard for me to believe dads were gawking at THIS girl. Come on now. I wore a much smaller and shorter dress with my entire “behind” completely framed to my prom a few years ago and nobody was staring at me or plastering pictures all over the internet…smh.

    • whateverblah

      I’m sure your’s was a conservative, home schooled prom. smh.

  • Human #780

    I wrote my senior thesis in college on the topic of why women and the natural world are treated as a threat that must be subdued by men. This is why we have terms like “virgin sea” and “virgin landscape”. It is beautiful, alluring, wild, and more powerful than many a man’s will. And the problem is that there is some kind of understanding between men, it seems, that it is both common and acceptable to use violence against a woman if the sight of her conjures up erotic and highly tempting images in a man’s mind mind that make him horny to the point that he can think of nothing else. This is his weakness, this is womankind’s power over men, a power they can neither attain, nor equal, nor ever will vanquish. But they dare not show weakness, and their deity in the sky tells them that their thoughts are impure and sinful. So, out of fear of looking weak, out of his obligation to fulfill the expectations of society and his moral duty to obey the will of his god, he attacks the object of his carnal desires to prove to himself and to her that he is more powerful, and that she shouldn’t have challenged him so. Sound familiar? It’s a pillar of of society. Blaming women for being hot and then violently sexually assaulting them. That is how it happens. “Yeah, well she was askin’ for it the way she dresses, blah, blah, blah…” I do not understand anybody who thinks and feels this way, and I hope I never do. It must be awful.

    Women are precious, and I worship them.

  • Sir Christopher McFarlane

    The dads have a healthy sexual appetite for 17 year olds.

  • amused2000

    It wasn’t the dress, dear, it was your date/boyfriend. The dress was merely the scapegoat. Get out of the South while you can. Go to the northeast, northwest, heck, even anywhere from San Francisco to the northern border. Anyone who doesn’t think racism isn’t alive and well below the Mason-Dixon line merely needs to open their eyes.

    • http://www.defeatingthedragons.wordpress.com SamanthaField

      Anyone who doesn’t thing that racism isn’t alive and well above and west of the Mason-Dixon needs to open their eyes.

      • amused2000

        Oh, it is. I didn’t mean to imply that it was completely lacking North and West of the Mason-Dixon line. We’ve just figured out how to shame racists when they come out of the woodwork and drive them back into their homes under the rocks.

        • http://www.defeatingthedragons.wordpress.com SamanthaField

          Individual racists who try to climb out from under their rock with “black people are animals,” maybe– but systemic, institutionalized racism on the corporate and political levels? That’s still a problem.

          • amused2000

            Fair enough. I can’t disagree there.

        • JuneBelle

          For some reason, I’ve learned far more racial slurs living in Ohio than I ever knew existed when I lived in Texas.

      • amused2000

        ..and for the record, I’ve lived for extended periods both above and below said line. The differences is .. well .. palpable.

        • http://www.defeatingthedragons.wordpress.com SamanthaField

          So have I. It’s certainly different in the north, and in the mid-Atlantic, and in the West, but I don’t think it’s *less* racist. Just *differently* racist.

    • Sirrus Rider

      Only the liberals are real racists. I bet dollars to doughnuts the school admins are card carrying democrats..

      • amused2000

        If you’re going to troll, put your back into it. That didn’t even reach ‘lame’.

      • Lily

        What school admins? They’re all homeschooled.

  • marla blagdon
  • Nunya Bizness

    Also, I am thinking this girl may lie or exaggerate because she says she has a “big” behind for a teen …& her picture shows no such thing. She is pretty much 6 o’clock. (Straight up & down)

    • Pix

      Wow you know what, even if she did exaggerate the result is still the same. Not to mention people judging her appearance is the entire problem in the first place. I don’t believe there’s a restriction to how curvy your ass has to be to refer to it as big.

  • Matt

    Because I’m a terrible person, I’ll share this classic.

  • Jon Coffey

    It is not your fault. The males who ogled you do not deserve to be referred to as men. I appreciate beautiful women, strong women,smart women, etc. Dammit all, I like women, and I won’t apologize for that, nor should I have to. I don’t see why the lowest common denominator of broken minds and political correctness keeps being rammed in my face and down our throat. Men, real men, can appreciate a beautiful woman without letting it become ‘pervy’. If they can’t, then they need to remove themselves until they learn how to. Prom is about the grand spectacle of beauty, cool, and getting a peek at what could and should be our perfect future of joyous celebration.

    Be the queens and kings we expect, and know that there are men and women out there ready and willing to make room for you join us in the light, not just because you’re mature enough to do, but because we’re mature enough to know it’s the best thing for us all.

  • http://www.themotleystew.com/ The Motley Stew

    This is terrible in a gross number of ways, but I applaud you and your friends for trying to handle the best you could when faced with such utter hypocrisy. You are a real person, a whole person and deserved to be treated as such. I hope you find more open-minded and reasonable folks when you get to college.

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  • DonaldGarber

    Funny: this happened in one of the reddest states there is, Virginia. The men complained that she was responsible for causing impure thoughts and needed to change her appearance.
    Know who else does this? Conservative Muslims. What is it with fundamentalist religions?

  • Adam Newborn

    Take a quick read from a friend of her’s who was also at the Prom during the incident (Primary, unbiased source – highest form in journalism reporting)

    http://calliehobbs.wordpress.com/2014/05/14/dads-are-not-the-problem/

    • http://www.defeatingthedragons.wordpress.com SamanthaField

      Here’s a Do Not Link for the same article by Callie Hobbs:

      http://www.donotlink.com/ieU

      If you don’t want to read it:

      She accuses Clare of yellow journalism and then victim-blames her, then tops it all off with “it was a conservative event, what do you expect?”

      Highest form of journalistic reporting, my ass.

      • Allen03

        My response: As everyone admits, her dress was checked at the door and
        it met the dress code. That should have been the end of the story. To
        later throw her out after allowing her in is called “Yellow Parenting”.
        I see truth in what Clare wrote, and little truth in what calliehobbs wrote.
        The school and parents deserve all the criticism they are getting–they
        bought it upon themselves. Grow up and deal with it. P.S. calliehobbs blog doesn’t even accept comments–talk about Yellow Blogging!

    • whateverblah

      I doubt miss Hobbs was watching the dads for the entire time she was there. It’s more than a bit presumptuous for her to assume that Clare is lying about it.

  • Mike Scoff

    I personally feel that this is a lawsuit. Not just the cost of all of your tickets, but the other money that you laid out to attend a prom (dresses/tuxedos, hair, makeup, the vehicle rental for the night, etc.) and a certain amount for the embarrassment that they put you through. I am a father of a young girl and I would see no problem with your dress (what I have seen of it in this entry) on my daughter going to a prom. Nail these bastards to the wall.

  • Sukhmani

    Wow, so horrible that you had to go through all of that. You’re completely right, and I hope you receive the support that you deserve. You said it best, fuck the patriarchy.

  • James appleseed

    In all honesty i would of done the same thing. You think it looks “Cute” or you thought you looked “Hot” but not trashy? That’s just an excuse for a whore trying to get attention from everyone else. Before you say it ill touch upon it for you, Having a man means nothing. That dress for a Prom is ridiculous and on top of that your attitude towards it all was pathetic. Especially when you made yourself look like the victim and made a smart remark toward the chaperon. The biggest fail was you writing this up looking for more attention after you were thrown out and looking for people to pity you. Smh, Sad world we live in. I wish i was born during the Wild West days when women actually had self respect. In this generation women with self respect are too far and apart. Every 300 Miles maybe one is found and you my friend are in between the two points.

    • Chesya Burke

      “I wish i was born during the Wild West days when women actually had self respect.” …And could be beaten when they stepped out of line.

    • Allen03

      It’s very threatening and scary to come across a young woman who is her own independent person and doesn’t kowtow to your expectations, isn’t it? Sorry, dude, as a man (and a real man, at that, unlike you), I have no sympathy for you and your bruised ego. Get it over it.

    • ctf1983

      Oh, look, a common troll

    • Lily

      Wild West Days? Were you born in 1865? You sound it.

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  • evie

    clare, you looked lovely, confident, and happy, and i’m sorry all that was ruined by adults behaving inappropriately. i also appreciate your willingness to share your story–you have a clear, honest voice and a good eye for detail. just one tip to take with you in your writing future: thEn is for timE, thAn is to compAre.

  • Karina Duncker-Hoffmann

    And we criticize societies that make their women wear headscarves and veils? The ideology is much the same and equally patriarchal. By the way, why was a group of
    middle-aged men even allowed to turn a prom into their private peepshow?

  • ThatSonyGuy

    I am not religious but this is a sin. you poor girl. All you wanted to do was go to prom. I was denied mine because I failed one test the whole of high school. How I wish I were home schooled. The teachers and especially Mrs. D. (which could stand for a rather nasty name if you ask me) should be fired from their jobs. the ogling fathers should be ashamed of themselves. You’re very pretty and that dress didnt seem provocative to me. Dont despair, not everyone thinks like “Them”. Have a wonderful life and just chalk this up to people with gutter minds and the teachers who were obviously jealous of you…

  • India Baker

    As a homeschooling mom who has seen many of the dances you attended, I apologize that you were not treated as the amazing individual that you are. You were not wrong. Thank you for standing up and speaking out for all the girls who are too curvy or too tall or too voluptuous. My daughter would have been kicked out for her style and has been slut shamed before to me personally because I allow her to be herself. She is beautiful, strong, and is not a slut, though she is creative and an artist. You are not alone.

  • Andrea Koltz

    I loved your dress & I’m very upset for you that you were singled out. It wasn’t right in any way shape or form. I’m not a thin, tall girl like yourself, but I had serious cleavage from the time I was in 6th grade. I was an early “bloomer” and was even called “Double D” for quite sometime in & then out of high school. I’ve experienced the same stares & oogling that you dealt with that night & it’s wrong!

    I moved with my sons to the Richmond area in 2010. Not long after we moved down here my youngest son met his current girlfriend. They are 18 & 19 now and together almost 3 years now. I still see the looks that they receive when we go to a store because my sons awesome & amazing girlfriend (I almost hope they get married because I really love her) is black. I hate those looks & sometimes I really want to call them out, but I don’t.

    I hope you will get the chance to go out in your beautiful dress again! You deserve it and I hope it’s amazing & memorable! Take some awesome pictures & be proud of the woman you are!

    Much love to you & yours from a Richmond area mom!

  • Gilgamesh

    #highschoolgirl #dress #scandalous Aww yeah!!
    *click
    Pfftt….
    What a let down. Dress isn’t even that scandalous. Though you are cheating showing how short it is in the photo. Is it an open back or not?

    • Gilgamesh

      You are cute as hell though. Jesus.

  • solange82200

    I learned a long time ago, unfortunately, that women cannot win. If you are not dressed nicely or attractive enough,you will suffer for it. If you are dressed nicely and are attractive, you will also suffer for it. I learned this lesson as a 34 year old woman who has worked in corporate America since I was 19. I’m sorry you had to learn this lesson at such a young age. I’m glad you realize that this is not your fault and don’t change, because like I said, you can never win with these people.

  • pointsoutbadgrammar

    I think your sister should be staying in high school. One might ask, why do you say that out pointsoutbadgrammar? Well, here’s a break down of just her first paragraph.

    The past to present tense shifts in the opening paragraph is awful. She starts the post with consecutive run on sentences.Uses then instead of than because she’s making a comparison of the days, and not a reference to time or one of the many other uses of then. Clare then goes onto to reiterate that this is her story, which the reader already knows because the concept is implied in her very first, novel like sentence.

    I would go further, but I think my point is proven. Maybe your sister can go meet Tyler Hansbrough down at the local liberry to help tell a story about a-corn falling from the sky.

  • MissMaggieBeth

    Thank you for being strong enough to vent your outrage! I’m 5’9″ and at my very thinnest always had an ass, and my inseam trumps that of my 6’4″ boyfriend. I definitely understand your build. I’ve spent most of my life skipping the adorable fashion trends in shorts and skirts because of the bullpucky people hurl my way. Blessedly, the ‘conservative’ stuff looks a little more delicious on our figures, and a sparkling personality turns way more heads than a few more inches of flesh would anyway. The ‘adults’ in this situation need to be held accountable for their inconscionable behavior. Best of luck as this life chapter comes to a close!

  • Nelson B

    i guess some old white folks didnt like her to dance with her black boyfriend but guess what he probably treats her like a lady and respects her ! they look pretty happy in those pics .

  • Scumlord

    Maybe you’ll start a new trend of the best lookin’ gal gettin thrown out of prom

    or something

    either way, thought it was a classy dress and the people that threw you out are a joke

  • Mekirin

    This sounds like the kind of thinking where “if you get raped, it’s because you dressed too sluttily”. They blame the women for causing their ‘distressed’ thoughts.

  • NC

    This is awful, lass! You’re 17. You are firstly too old for them to tell you what to and what not to wear, and secondly too young to be treated like your non-sexual non-dancing is a threat to anybody. I don’t believe that should happen to anybody, but it’s particularly mentionable for somebody under 18. Your school treated you despicably, and it sounds like they’re not very accepting of people at all, judging by this post. I guess I don’t know for sure how US proms work out, but isn’t the point of things like sixth form parties that you go out with the teachers and show the other side to you all, everybody gets drunk (except presumably not in the US), does socially inappropriate (within the bounds of some sort of moral code though obviously) things and has a great laugh?

    • NC

      By the way, I think your makeup is beautiful!

  • LAguy323

    If you were my daughter, I’d be really proud of you for standing up for yourself like you have!

  • Cherlean

    Correct me if I’m wrong as I’m only thirteen, but, She can sue. Think of it this way, if you weren’t going to go to the prom you wouldn’t spend any money.

    But Clare, she paid for a ticket, her dress, her shoes, her makeup, and her accessories. Coming up close to maybe $400. So she’s in order for compensation.

    She followed every rule that was given and there was only one. Fingertip length dresses! She is not inclined to control the urges of horny that should know better.

    The only person who should’ve been kicked out should of been the man who couldn’t keep their eyes to themselves and off of a minor.

    Kudos to you Clare for sticking up for yourself. You were looked really beautiful and do I wish that I could pull off red lipstick! And I say, you should press charges.

  • Ebs

    No Clare you should not be held accountable for the thoughts of others. I am willing to bet jealousy and intimidation was the root of Mrs D’s problem. She should have simply told you that you can not come in when you entered. Unfortunately your boyfriends race was likely another factor.

    However I find some minor holes in your version, you claim that you or your boyfriend insisted the group be refunded as you all rode together, well the vehicle your are riding in with your boyfriend is not big enough to hold 6 people and unless your friends are invisible the backseat is empty in your pictures. You also stated that you joined your friends and told them what happened after you arrived and went through the sad ordeal with Mrs. D which implies your group was already at the prom. If all of you came together you would likely and normally enter together. You should have recorded the incident on your phone as proof of what actually took place.

    Recording the ordeal would have been a great way prove the hateful actions of the other party as well as shame the irresponsible adults and show proof of all the ogling you claim was taking place. Especially if the creepy male chaperones were gawking and as you put it lusting over young ladies who are 13, 14, 15, 15 and 17 yrs old some parents, especially Dads may have had some feelings about that garbage. It would have also offered proof of the behavior of the crowd. Bud all is not lost, if indeed you all rode together and actually had to leave together than why not take it to small claims court in order to get a refund that they should rightfully give you per their verbal agreement. Good Luck

    • Lily

      Does that really matter? Her friends joined her in solidarity. The real problem is Mrs. D. It’s almost as if she was cast by Central Casting. Is there one of her in every generation?

  • ruserious

    wow..pretty sad story. the men who were ogling deserved to be shown the door, not yo and your friends. Sad reality of today’s world.

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  • Peter Aldrich

    Your language is certainly trashy, so…….

    • Invidosa

      Trashy? When one is being objectified it seems pretty appropriate to call a spade a spade.

      • Peter Aldrich

        Sure….looks like trying to apply for penthouse………

        • Lily

          Clearly, you’re part of the problem.

          • Peter Aldrich

            only a slut or idiot uses trash language………….

          • Jordie Rivers

            Grow up

  • marissa

    Clare, thank you for writing this. You are absolutely right – we are not responsible for other people’s thought or actions. A woman should never, ever be made to feel responsible for a man’s thoughts. The people in charge at this prom crossed a line and by doing so embraced a victim blaming, rape culture mentality. I’m sorry this happened to you. You are eloquent and passionate and you should be proud of what you’ve written.

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  • A&F10

    As a 5’10 girl myself, I’ve been questioned about my shorts being too short, or in appropriate, and sadly I’ve slowly gotten used to the ogling stares from men old enough to be my dad. It is uncomfortable and violating. Personally I don’t see race as a factor in the situation, it feels like it comes down to fitting in the norm, and I can attest that being taller than everyone else doesn’t quit help you fit in. I love your dress Clare, and you’re right, you looked amazing. It is sad that this ADULT woman allowed those men to exercise power over your life is wrong, and I hope she apologizes. Your story shows their are two types of evils of power, those who control others, but even worse, those who have the ability to say no, but don’t. Women and girls should be able to wear what they want, be able to go out and having fun with friends without worrying if your favorite dress makes some guy have inappropriate thoughts.

  • http://HealthNutNews.com/ HealthNutNews.com

    I’m 5’9 too and was since I was 13. I happened to wear a long prom dress but things have changed since i graduated HS. I know they’re shorter now. I have the same problem with jeans ;) hope your friends all get their money back.. sad. :(

  • https://twitter.com/evilpimousse Evil Pimousse

    I’ve read this article and the update as they were shared on Facebook.
    I am really impress on how mature you and your friends behaved.
    I’m not sure when I was 17 I would have been able to react so classy when confronted with such a blatant injustice.

    They were so wrong, so unfair, on all points of view (the kicking out, its reason and the way it was handled) that’s it’s hardly believable adults can be that ridiculous.
    However, it’s great that you’re standing up in that graceful way that seems to be yours.
    I’m all the more proud to be a woman when I see women like you
    All the best!

  • Frank N. Blunt

    Find another adjective beside ‘hot’. So wrong & inappropriate, expand the vocabulary.

    • Invidosa

      Why inappropriate? Nothing morally outrageous about looking hot, especially when one is doing absolutely nothing demeaning or inappropriate on any way.

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  • Patrick

    It’s the pervy dads who should have been kicked out. She looked lovely in that dress.

  • Michael Tuck

    Hell yes. You go, lady. It is those old pedophiles’ responsibility to control their urges. As a male, I despise male attempts to make women responsible for their own issues. This is a GREAT post. Thank you for standing strong. I am proud to stand with you and other women against male depredation and oppression.

  • Bob Dobalina

    oh look, a negro boyfriend

    just another bitch with daddy issues trying to get back at him for not giving her enough attention

    oh, you are not hot. you look like fat justin bieber

  • Sharon Harding-Thomas

    Get a lawyer, sweetheart. You rights were violated. Also, get the names of all those pedophiles and press charges for sexual harassment.

  • Cdbeee

    Those creepy men are responsible for what they are thinking, that is no fault of yours, whatsoever. You looked beautiful in your dress and it was very tasteful and not too revealing at all.

  • http://www.vodeoo.com mataleo

    Joke

  • Peace

    My comment here has less to do with the serious injustice perpetrated by the event coordinators and more to do with keeping our children safe.

    I keep hearing the word “victim”. What about the word “target”? There are sick and twisted people in this world and no amount of “teaching respect” or “raising them right” is going to change that. Idealistic views like those give young men and women the sense that no matter how they dress or act, they are justified in doing so. I’m less worried about an old guy checking a young woman out than I am about someone in a mask and van abducting a young woman because they LOOK appealing, sexual and “cute” (cute is often seen as defenseless as well). So by all means, dress how you want, but spend a few bucks on a martial art of some kind, because as long as you look and act like a target, there’s a predator out there ready to target you.

    • JaySBee

      Your comment was more than a little disgusting. What you just said- in so many words- was that women should hide themselves or be raped; that rapists are selective creatures driven to the act by the sight of women “flaunting” themselves and “baiting the poor rapist”.

      Listen, friend, rapists attack 80 year old women as often as they attack 16 year olds. The vast, vast, VAST majority of kids (boys and girls alike) who are raped in this country aren’t raped by nefarious men in vans. They are raped by RELATIVES, They are raped by people who KNOW them and have access to them. They are raped by men like the fathers in that prom.

      And those men don’t need “prompting”. They don’t even need an “excuse”. Often all they need is a beer and a bad idea. No amount of cover-up of female limbs will stop them or even slow them down. The people you need to be talking to isn’t women who wear too little; it’s men who don’t seem to understand that rape is wrong (mostly because guys like YOU give them excuses). There. Is. NO. Instance. Where. Rape. Is. Excusable or explainable.

      Judging from your pic, you might have a savings account. I mean, your beard is groomed and it’s OBVIOUS you have a computer. Does that mean you’re subtly “asking” for one of us to find you, rob you and beat you to death if you resist? It’s the same logic. If I see you walking to a new car, aren’t you “asking” for me to beat you to death and steal it?

      You flaunted your wealth! At the VERY least you could have HID it a bit. C’Mon. You were asking for it! How could you have been so careless? You knew we were looking at your car! If you didn’t want us to kill you, you would have bought an older one, right?

      I’m sorry. Your reply is just… just… repulsive. And I’m a dude who likes looking at women. A lot. I know the difference between looking and raping, though. And I know that NO woman is safe from rape or even “MORE” safe from rape by her dress.

      Disgusting.

    • Rodrigo Torrez

      And how do you think rapists become what they are? They start by watching and wanting someone they cannot have. Build up enough frustration, urges and isolation. There is your ideal citizen. Ideals are relative to each individual or creepy person.

  • ladycat713

    It wouldn’t have mattered if you had been wearing a burlap sack and ashcloth , they still would have found you attractive for your body and put the blame on you. An example of this- once I was waiting at a bus stop , I had groceries with me and I sat down to wait because it would be awhile and started to read a book. I was wearing a baggy t shirt and shorts since it was hot. A man in a car approached me and tried to hire me as a prostitute. Since my packages, my demeanor and my clothing (and sitting under a bus stop sign) weren’t sending that message obviously he felt that he was getting that message because I have large breasts . And this wasn’t an isolated incident.

  • Stephanie Crosby

    Solidarity! They should have kicked the leering creeps out, not you and your friends.

  • Rodrigo Torrez

    I am so sorry she had to deal with such a disturbing issue. Adults well always see what they want to see, good or bad. Especially when a group of guys get together (they don’t deserve to be called men). It seems to me that the group of guys are fitting the role of predators more than chaperones. Being in a pack, finding the “best” prey for their needs, isolate and… well, the next part cannot be done because they will be branded. There goes their images! After the women organizing the prom see the guys I’m sure they felt threatened and unattractive. Competition can uncover impulsivity within the weak. It’s not Clare’s fault for being caught up in this. It’s the pig-headed predators that force innocent girls to grow up to soon! Clare broke no laws and the dress length was acknowledged as appropriate by all the “adults” there.

    The school needs to have some kind of screening process for chaperones and have equal amount of male to female ratio present. Waking around and not huddling. If the guys said the boys well have impure thoughts… How much more obvious can that be! Jeez! The guys are the ones having the impure thoughts! They just got caught and used the boys as a scapegoat *sigh* It’s disappointing to see that just because someone is of age they can be called adults!

  • Bas Yuksel

    Clare, sweetheart. You are beautiful and you look amazing in that dress. All men, young or old , would enjoy such a sight rather than being offended by it. The reason you were shunned and kicked out was because you live in a country where half the population still see people with your boyfriend’s skin complexion as.. slaves, or negro. You were kicked because they were jealous of your boyfriend, they were racist, they are old minded segregation supporter conservative small town scum.
    The best way to deal with this is to name and shame all adults involved on national TV, broadcast the racism and cause economic damage to their businesses and bring public shaming to allt eir families. They will never learn otherwise.

  • Aman Tiwari

    no idea where the world is headed to.. -__-

  • Titianna Victoria Schmall-Grig

    Bas, while I agree that unless extreme measures are taken the home school board will never learn that their misogynistic behavior is unacceptable. Claire seems like to sweet a girl to actually do that to them. But I need to point out one thing, Richmond is not a “small town” as you put it. It is the capital of Virginia. But seeing that is in the Bible belt, the overly biased Christian bases for their thinking had been pounded in to their heads since birth. And it was the woman’s own guilt that drove Mrs. D to do what she did. Also, the perching of all of those men up there like that. ..Good grief. It did seem like one of those open invitations for the MARRIED men to have inappropriate thoughts.

  • ymaeiram

    You looked beautiful and that dress was totally appropriate. As the mother of a daughter I am outraged on your behalf that these grown ass women would punish a young girl because their pervy husbands can’t keep it in their pants. Shame on them!

  • Bas Yuksel

    What is the difference between Richmond Virginia and Taliban’s Afghanistan?
    In one of them, adult males are getting horny by undressing underage girls with their eyes, blaming their erections on the girls and forcing them to wear more conservatively and excluding them from public gatherings because their religion wants to.
    The other is in middle Asia.

  • CogitoErgo Mum

    Amazing post. Tragic tale. Thank you for sharing. Thrilled to see all the comments. Let’s hope it makes a difference.

  • daithionaroll

    With you 100% on this Clare. And you’re a credit to yourself and to homeschooling, you show a maturity that many of the adults at your prom can only dream of.

  • Ash

    Dad here, 47, two daughters 20 & 22, living in the UK. What to say? Well firstly, I am so proud of you. What a woman.and your boyfriend is a better man than me. I don’t think I could have kept my cool to be honest. I hope those dads become a thing of the past in your lifetime. In mine they have gone from being the norm mostly worldwide, to being abnormal in some places. There is hope, mainly because of people like you. Be you, everywhere.

  • PeterMcPumpkin

    This made me harder than Chinese algebra

  • Ted Govostis

    Having lived in that area for 2 years, I can say that most of the homeschool crowd are ultraconservative christians who don’t want their kids “indoctrinated” (read: exposed to ideas not sanctioned by their minister). Yes they very much believe in the “she was asking for it” explanation of rape. And I’m sure her date’s skin color was also an issue to a significant minority of them. Sick individuals.

  • Rachel Anderson

    I am wondering if we could see a picture of Clare standing up that shows the front of the dress….because I have seen a lot of people arguing that it was probably too low cut in the front, and I would like to be able to prove them wrong. Lol

  • La Mer

    This has literally nothing to do with patriarchy. You could just as easily derive a theory that says all women hate other women and use men to enforce their hatred of each other. It’s nonsense of course but it fits the frame of the story if you wilfuly squint.

  • mai

    I am not making an excuse for Mrs. D but instead of thinking its the “black and white” thing that caused her to get thrown out maybe you can consider this: A short older woman, old enough to organise and be responsible for a prom lets say between 30 and 50 years old. Short and older than all the strutting beautiful girls at that party, then comes along this beautiful, tall, thin, blond and Young girl so exited to come to prom with her boyfriend that she shines happiness. And then there is that lady’s husband who might be going through his midlife crisis who might have cheated on her with a tall blond thin and curvy Young women.
    Mr.D obviously saw a threat in her and felt aggressive towards her from the beginning, knowing her husband was chaperoning and probably ogling this particular girl she probably came and checked, when she did and saw he probably was starring at this group of friends, she had to throw her out (in her head of course)
    Just saying not everything Is about racism and there are other simpler things that could have made her so aggressive, this is only an assumption but since Mr D was the only virulent one against her in the story it makes more sense than racism.

    • shayneo

      Congrats, your the first to mention race. So, uh, good work inventing something that ISNT in the story to get angry about?

  • John McCain

    Shes ugly

  • John McCain

    And she has no boobs

  • Enrique Pueblo

    It seems the culprit here was other woman & not necessarily the men. Indeed, she did nothing wrong & channeled her Marilyn to perfection but it appears this has more to do w/ certain woman’s attitude towards other woman rather than patriarchy.

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  • Ida Kern

    Beautiful dress. Beautiful girl. Grown men should act better!

  • Krisanne Bentley

    To play devil’s advocate for a moment – could it be because she was pretty and part of an interracial couple? This is in Virginia, which is not known for being reasonable or tolerant of anything, from something as simple as speeding fines to the actual value of a human being and their opinion. I agree – the rape culture was possibly at play here as well, but I think it had to be more than just that.

    Clare, I think you are a brave, amazing, and dynamic woman for taking your story public. No matter what happens here, you have an amazing future ahead of you.

  • Erika Marie Judd

    Man on Balcony: “That girl is hot. Wait, is she with that guy? That’s BS. Get that lovin’ ho out of this prom!”

    Just my guess.

    Sexism & racism.

  • Stephen J. Phillips

    It seems like the problem here is ‘Mrs. D.’ She was the one who caused all the trouble from the beginning. It sounds like she’s just jealous and bitter and spiteful. I’m not saying male standards aren’t involved, but it sounds more like a mean older lady is the culprit. The oglers are creepy, but the person who actually disrupted things is the villain, here.

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  • Brad Canelo

    What are dads doing in a prom anyways? And I think this had nothing to do with her body but with race as her boyfriend is BLACK, they just found a way to kick her out making her pay for race preference…it is ALL! And what are dads doing in proms anyways???

    • nellnee

      The Dads went to ogle. This Mrs. D person went Regina George.

  • Maria gianna

    the entire group should have returned wearing full on black burqas just to make a point. Shame on the prom promoters for taking this girls prom from her and her friends. I suspect the commented above who pointed out her date being black was the real reason is right.
    Double shame if that’s true.

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  • Melissa Merrill Snyder

    As a woman and a mother, I am APPALLED that Clare was treated this way. The ‘fingertip’ rule is ridiculous. My daughter’s fingertips barely reach her crotch. Can you imagine if she had been there.

    Clare, you and your dress are beautiful. I know this situation had to cause a significant amount of emotional pain and embarrassment. Continue to stand up for yourself…you’ll do well in the future.

  • frs

    Clare – I’m a 47-year-old father of twin 16-year-old girls. Please know that we’ll be having a discussion about how truly f***ed up your situation is. Thanks for going public; maybe some good will come of this as your generation comes of age and starts setting the rules.

  • Hanna Fridén

    Clare and her friends deserve praise for saying no and standing up for each other, such strength and such friendship! It’s clear here that she and her friends, at 17, were way more mature and wise than the grown ups who made the cowardly decision to throw her out without reasonable arguments.

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  • Glen Saunders

    I want to know the purpose of all the Fathers in the balcony at a Prom…..

  • Jenna Moore

    I can completely understand where those parents are coming from. It *is* the responsibility of women to dress modestly enough to encourage others to respect them. However, if you set a dress code then that IS the dress code. I’ve never thought “fingertip length” is really a good guidelines and this is why. My arms are fairly short, so what’s fingertip length on me isn’t even long enough for MY taste. It sounds like the coordinator of this prom needs to set a more specific dress code–knee length perhaps?

    • Kayla

      I find your comment problematic. It definitely is NOT the responsibly of a woman to dress modestly to have people respect them. Dressing for occasion is a different thing; if you go to Prom with sweats on, that’s not dressing appropriately for the occasion. As a woman, I should get the same amount of respect in a ankle length dress as I do with one on that is short.

    • victoria_plural

      Is it the responsibility of women to put forth a certain appearance to get respect, or is it the responsibility of everyone to realize that respect shouldn’t be given to someone based on how they look or how they dress? As opposed to telling people to dress a certain way, perhaps we should tell people to respect people regardless of how they’re dressed.

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  • Spencer Bilodeau

    The way the fathers reacted to this, and the way the school reacted, is utterly insulting to all men. Myself included. It implies that men are not capable of self-control, which is complete BS. Not only am I infuriated at the lack of respect shown to the young lady, and to women in general, but I am enraged at the lack of respect shown to men. This is very shameful.

  • Darrel Comer

    The dress is not fingertip length. Fingertip length is when your arms are straight down your sides almost stretched. Her arms are loose down the side of her dress. If she extended her arms all the way straight they would be below the dress. Besides when dancing and moving around it would be shorter. Also from the picture it is pretty obvious that she has the dress pulled down in a position that as soon as she took a step or shimmied to the side it would rise up an inch or so.

    • Arakasi_99

      Completely, absolutely, positively wrong. But when has that ever prevented creepy older guys from passing judgement on women?

  • Heather Richardson

    first as a mother (Clare is younger than my son) ….I believe you were dressed appropriately enough (I dont care much for some of the trash girls call clothes nowadays but it is in no way shape or form cause for them to be mistreated)
    second do not let some bitter old prude get away with being disrespectful …
    third as a short woman with very long legs I agree that skirts and dresses look different on different body shapes and as you followed the rules you should have not been asked to leave ….as for your reaction next time wait until you are out of eyesight and earshot then get it off your chest and feel better having vented

  • Courtney Rollins

    Every so often my eye twitches at things that take place in our state. Prom should have been a super fun experience for you. I’m sorry this happened to you, and personally I think you looked adorable. :)

  • Zac Soares

    I just heard about this story and I am Hart broken. This is a moment that every young person succeeding in there education deserves and it was unjustly taken from you and your friends. If you had not complied with there guide lines it would be one thing. But you clearly did. I am older but I still remember my prom and the ladies from my class were waring similar cut dresses back then. I apologize on behalf of all middle aged men for the actions of these men and there wives, they stole a moment from you that most people get to cherish for the rest of there lives.

  • nellnee

    Armchair quarterbacking here … ONE chaperon saw a man, maybe even her husband, ogle Clare. And exacted the revenge of a petty, formerly popular, very long time ago, high school girl. She had power over another person and used it for no other reason that she could. Because she was jealous of Clare. Because yes, your dress was within the dress code (silly code, as everyone’s legs, arms and torso are of different lengths) but it made her feel inferior. She blamed “men’s impure thoughts” on kicking Clare out. It was her pettiness.

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  • http://twitter.com/mutomballs Mutomballs

    Mrs D. needs to catch some D….What an uppity cunt.

  • Jesse Rabinowitz

    Fuck the patriarchy, indeed! Great work dealing with this lesson in dominator cultures! You will do amazing things as a result of your brush with medieval thinking, Clare!

  • Aaron W. Herrick

    Clare’s parents should be proud of her strength and her perception that she is not responsible for the thoughts of others, no matter what she has on.

  • Mary Bauer Pratt

    She looks appropriate. She was very pretty all dressed up and for someone to ruin her prom shame on them

  • BeliTsari

    I’m amazed they didn’t dunk you to see if you were a witch, while the mom’s collected firewood, and your classmates kindling for an auto-da-fé? The big difference between 1692 and today (aside from slavery & rampant bestiality) is that these imbecile bigots used to actually be capable of reading all about their holy Bible’s hate, fear, misogyny, projection, inebriate grandiosity, delusional entitlement, lies, incestuous pedophilia, approach-avoidance and genocide right under the surface?

  • Pigoo

    This fucking moralpanic. Good that you standing up for your self.

  • Jeff McGlaughlin

    5’9″ is not very tall and she is not very “curvy” at all. I’m not sure what all those men were staring at.

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  • saywhatwhat

    I dont usually comment on stories, but when I saw the following line, I had to:

    ” some of the dads who were chaperoning had complained that my dancing was too provocative, and that I was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts.”

    Are you kidding me? Impure thoughts? And Christians wonder why newer generations feel ostracized by religion. For as much as frothing-at-the-mouth Christians hate Islam, they’re sure sounding a lot alike when it comes to “proprietary dress.” The article already does a great job of explaining why placing the blame on women is just wrong, so I won’t rehash it, but that quoted sentence just blows my mind.

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  • http://www.kateblue.blogspot.com/ Kate Blue

    You liked great, it’s a shame that those who were supposedly grownups acted so immature.; you were justified to be frustrated… my daughter is tall so I totally understand, if this happened to her I hope she would call me before she left so I could come down and have them measure and evaluate EACH And Every girl. ….they were idiots, plain and simple :(

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  • Joanne T. Johnson Cmrs

    As someone who endured a lot of the same when young….are u sure it wasn’t because of the race of your date?

  • cardstock

    Illuminati.

  • lwm

    Hi,Sorry this happened to you, I would agree with you that it was inappropriate, but there are a couple of things I wanted to point out.
    1. Teenagers think they are being respectful when in fact the tone they use comes across as exactly the opposite.

    2. You were at a private party and have no “rights”, you mentioned rights a couple of times, they do not exist in these settings.
    3. Being in Richmond (still the South), at a home schooler event, you were surrounded by right wing religious zealots. You showed up looking stunning, too stunning for them accompanied by an african american. Sadly I think the last factor played just as big a roll in you being tossed.

  • Bedknobs_and_Boomsticks

    No such thing as “The Patriarchy.”

  • Missy

    Actually, I WAS there and saw the dress. It ended just under her butt. Maybe it road up, I don’t know, but it was def shorter than in the photo above. I didn’t think about it at the time, just kinda shakin my head. Only one side coming out about this.

    • http://twitter.com/mutomballs Mutomballs

      Rode. Her dress rode up. She then got in her car and drove on the road.

      Here’s to hoping you subcontract the English and rhetoric teaching out to someone that actually has command of the language.

  • RecklessProcess

    It sounds to me like no dad was involved. That nasty woman chaperone seems to be the whole problem. She complained at the door and eventually got up the courage to throw you out. When I was a young person I went to a skating rink with my friends and after they were all inside I was told I could not have a ticket because my hair was too long. So I had to walk home. And some car tried to run over me several times as I walked down the road. There are nasty people of all kinds out there and I would blame the woman who actually harassed you and not some made up excuse about ‘the fathers’. Although it does sound like there were way too many ‘chaperones’.

  • JoyMarie201 .

    I feel your pain Clare. I’m older than you but I still have the same problem. People try to tell you how to dress just because you have the curves, ass and breasts. It not only happens in high school but in everyday life too. I sing in front of my church. I was instructed not to wear anything too tight, too short, and too low cut in order to retain a look of “purity”. But it’s not my fault if people, particularly men have unpure thoughts about my body and how I dress myself. And before all you naysayers say that church is different and I signed myself up for this, it’s not any different. My own parents tell me not to dress too tight, too short, and too low cut because they claim that I am immodest. That I’m asking for something to be done to me. And Clare you do make a valid point. When has it become the WOMAN’S JOB to control the minds of MEN? I can’t control anybody so how am I going to do that? Anyways Clare I just wanted to leave a comment to let you know you aren’t the only one and that we need to change this line of thought. I wish you all the best and hope that your group receives their refund for the dance they couldn’t be at and enjoy.

  • Anya P

    (Can I just point out that it’s kind of gross that half these comments are about whether or not Clare is “worth ogling?” The entire point of this post is that she – and women in general – is tired of being treated like an object, yet everyone here is objectifying and judging her in the same way the adults at her prom did. The fact that her date was black may very well have had something to do with the chaperones’ bias against her. It’s not my place to say. But arguing endlessly over whether or not she’s hot enough for this to happen to her is degrading and doing so makes you part of the problem.)

    • JoyMarie201 .

      I agree! A fair number of these posts have been about het body. Let’s get to the real issue which you have eloquently said. Thank you!

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  • Blair

    I am also a very tall girl with long legs. I am 5’8″ while my best friends are 5’2″ and barely 5’0″. Growing up, it frustrated me that we would be wearing the EXACT same shorts to school and I would be the one sent home for violating the dress code. I hate that these adults have ruined this night for you. Your senior prom should be one of the most special nights of your life. A night to look back on with fond memories.

  • saywhatwhat

    I just wanted to add that these old, bigoted and misogynistic perverts are exactly the type of people that give the majority of men a bad rep. And I fucking hate them for it.

  • Jon Marshall

    In all honesty. I think the main reason you were told to leave, is not because you are a beautiful young women, or second because your date was black. I think the real reason is because the older women were intimidated by you and have felt so bad for themselves for so long they had to make you leave. The older gentlemen at the Dance and even the other males your age were probably looking at you, not because you were sexual in anyway, but because you are beautiful and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I am sorry that this happened, but in my experiences, just take the higher road and realize that you Can’t Fix Stupid. Just let them live their menial lives and get on with yours. You will do amazing things.

  • MckLies

    I came to this story ready to wage war on the patriarchs. Then I read it, saw the pictures, and changed my mind. Her dress was only dress code compliant because she pulled it down as far as it would go. Any movement at all, and it hiked back up to where it was meant to lie. Clare, you deserved to be escorted out. The dress was inappropriate for the dress code. End of story. Blaming others does not excuse the fact that you, despite how much you disagree, did not comply with the dress code.

    • Anders Börjesson

      Congrats, stupidest comment of the day. Why is ppl in Us so fucking narrow minded? Why not let ppl wear what they like? Fucking big brother mentality

    • http://www.blogger.com/home?pli=1 Coleslaw

      I’m old enough to be this young woman’s grandmother, and if I were monitoring the rule, I would assume it meant fingertip length with the dress pulled down, because when women put on dresses like this, that slip over the head, we then pull them down into position. Duh.

  • Jennifer Serenity Rae

    Clare, you are right. Women should not be made to feel responsible for other people’s thoughts. It is an antiquated idea that stems from over 2,000 years ago. I’ve found the best way to get people to take you seriously is to show them thematic evidence and historical background into the root of the problem. We are a phallic driven society. Its become less oppressive in the last fifty years, but there is still a prominent patriarchy. I’ve been researching this topic for quite awhile now, and would be willing to share some of my findings with you to help back your claim of injustice, and encourage you to do research of your own.

  • Dennis Michael Bean

    What I want to know is why are Dads hanging around Prom? That in and of itself seems kind of perverted. Sure, you might see some pretty girls and have movement in your pants but you don’t hang around and ogle. That movement is just natural, acting on that movement is perverted.
    On another note, common sense does help. If you have to resort to the 2-finger-rule or whatever, then you might want to reconsider on that dress. It might make you as a teen mad but is it really worth missing your prom. You are still a kid and need to learn that there are dress codes at certain events. Abide or don’t come. That is part of being an adult.

  • Munch Nesbit

    I am a 47 year old Father of two girls and 3 boys. I am really tough on my children and fairly conservative when it comes to public presentation of my family and how they dress and present themselves. I think your dress was fine and truthfully I really am conservative. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that the perverts were not able to control themselves! They sought to eliminate the perceived problem instead of admitting that they’re repressed hypocrites with serious issues! Good luck to you, you seem quite intelligent,I’m sure you’ll do fine in life despite ignorance of asses!

  • haningebo

    WTF? This would never happen over here in Sweden.

  • Roxanne Pollet

    If your group was promised a refund and I do believe you were I say take them to court. Judge Judy or Peoples Court would love this one!!! You also would get exposure to the problem!!!!!

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  • Cassandra Nancy Lea

    Dear Clare, I, for one, think you looked sweet and charming and your date looks to be a very nice, clean-cut young man (cute, too!!). I know that homeschooling takes place for a lot of good, as well as weird reasons, but, it seems to be dominated by people with some kind of twisted ideas. Good for you for going public about what happened to you. Wishing you a super future and more good fun-times to come!!!

  • Cassandra Nancy Lea

    BTW, when I was “coming along” it was the “Beatles era” and we were lucky if our skirts covered our derrieres LOL! I went to a Roman Catholic high-school and college, (altho I’m Episcopal) and the nuns were FAR less-concerned over the length of our skirts …(of course, if one went TOO far, you might have to “discuss it” with the Dean of Students….LOL)…than our behaviour and character. (They were very cool nuns!!)

  • Sharayah Preman

    I’m proud of you for not staying silent about this.

  • Trace Armstrong

    Just read updated post about removing race…deleting my comment.

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  • Cilia Manda

    This is not her fault that she has a gorgeous body and that’s how her body is filling out. The school should’ve had the dads leave the room or leave the premises. Now a days you see young girls with little dresses or shorts and they get stared at by older men and yes it is disgusting but they cant help that there body is growing into that shape. I have the same problem with Clare. I have a big butt and a great body and do I like the compliments from older men of course not and not especially from dads from a school. Her dress was in the requirements and they were met. Yes, she is tall with a big butt. She shouldn’t have been kicked out or even asked to leave. She did nothing wrong to deserve to be asked to leave her senior prom. END OF STORY!!!! Sorry you had to go through that. Let the people in this world hate on your body but remember to always love your self and your body. Don’t let any one put you down. You’ll be ok.

  • Justine Adude

    How about maybe dresses should cover you knee? but as a child, you still have a lot to learn. like, how not to dress. and that maybe not every thing is a political issue. and also why are women still wearing dresses? that seems to be a little ironic. it is not like you were kicked out for wearing something out of the norm. or for wearing slacks. or jeans. or for wearing a ḥijāb. you were asked to leave because it was not enough fabric. please do not think every thing has be be made into a federal case or that this has to do with men being power. you do not live in Nigeria, get over it.

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  • Sammael

    I’m a young man, a teacher and I’m from Brazil. Here, your built would be common, I dare say, and I’ve met girls, my students, much more curvy and even younger than you. The schools, here, try to prohibit the girls to enter school grounds with short outfits, also — by summer, this is almost impossible –, but there’s no cloth enough in this world to “cover” some of this girls, by the “standards” demanded by the school.

    So, as a young man, a teacher and brazilian — I mean, we’ve a lot of pretty and, sometimes, very curvy girls here; can’t deny — every time I see one of them dressed like this I just think “Well, that’s nice” and I keep doing my work without “impure thoughts”, harassment or else. Life goes on.

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